Just You and Me
by Isabella Monroe
Summary: AU - The first time Anders escapes from the tower Malcolm Hawke takes him in and gives him a home.  Anders quickly becomes a part of the family, but when Anders begins to feel for Kate Hawke is far from brotherly love.
1. Chapter 1 Just You and Me

**Chapter 1- Just You and I**

"You are my love and my life, you are my inspiration, just you and me, simple and free.  
>Baby you're everything, I've ever dreamed of, yea, yea.<br>Give me your own special smile, promise you'll never leave me.  
>Just you and me, simple and free, life is so easy, when you're beside me, oh girl"<p>

_Just You and Me by Chicago_

Anders clung to the bloody, battered and broken body of the woman that he had been in love with for as long as he could remember. Ever since the fall of the Chantry they had been on the run, barely escaping Kirkwall with their lives. For two months Anders, Hawke, Isabela and Varric had been dodging templar hunters and Starkhaven knights as they headed for the Tevinter Imperium. Their luck had run out in a forest just outside the walls of Minrathous, when Sebastian and his men had finally caught up with them. It had been a bloody battle and when it was over, the Prince of Starkhaven lay dying in a pool of his own blood at the hands of Katelyn Hawke. Once the Prince had been killed, his knights quickly fled, leaving the majority of their party critically injured. Anders had healed them all, but his beautiful Kat had received the brunt of the Prince's wrath. He had done all that he could for her, and now whether she lived or died was up to the Maker.

Anders wiped the dried blood from her face as he recalled the first time he had ever seen her. She had been eleven and he had been twelve the first time that Malcolm Hawke had brought him home like a stray puppy and he probably had more fleas than one too. It had been his second escape from the Circle and he had been hiding in the barn of farmer in a village just outside Rainesfere when Malcolm had discovered him stealing fruit and vegetables to eat. Malcolm had sensed the magic in him just as Anders had sensed the magic in Malcolm and immediately trusted him. Malcolm had convinced the farmer, a family friend, to relinquish Anders into his custody instead of turning him over to the authorities. The farmer agreed and Malcolm brought him home.

When Anders had walked into the small three bedroom cottage, seated at the table were three small children. All of the children had raven black hair, but only the oldest had these piercing blue eyes that froze you in place and made you never want to move. However, it was her roguish grin that made him like her immediately. Her black hair was short and instead of a dress she wore trousers and boots. This was not some frail, doll playing little girl. He could tell that she was mischief, playfulness and trouble all rolled into one. He grinned back at her and his first thought was that he couldn't wait to misbehave with her.

She pinned her stare on him, "You aren't going to turn out to be sissy with a blade like my brother, are you?"

"Shut up," a scrawny boy a few years her junior jeered as he punched her in the arm. The young girl waved her hand at him as if he were a fly bothering her.

"As far as I know, you can be a sissy without a blade too. But no, I don't have a sissy bone in my body, I am sissy-less. How about you? You look pretty much like a sissy to me," Anders retorted.

She grinned at him, "Imagine that boy that isn't afraid to get his arse kicked by a girl… see Carver that's what a real boy looks like," the young rogue chuckled as she nudged her younger brother.

"Katelyn Hawke, I will not have you speak like that, young lady," said a tall raven haired woman who was obviously their mother said.

"Oh, Mom, don't be such a stick in the mud. You never let me have any fun."

Anders sat down beside the tomboy and grinned. "Something tells me that she has reason for keeping you on a short leash."

"Short leash! I'm not a dog, you flea bitten mongrel."

"Mal, I see you brought home another stray," the woman said with a sigh. She walked up behind him and quickly examined him. "Well, you aren't too far off Kate, he has lice. Mal take him out to shed and clean him up while I fix him a hot meal and a bed in Carver's room."

Malcolm walked over and wrapped his arms around his wife's waist. "Have I told you lately how much I love you, that there isn't anyone I would ever place above you?"

She leaned in and kissed his cheek, "No, but if you keep bringing me home strays, you better have more than kind words to offer me."

Malcolm waved his hand and the most beautiful bouquet of wild flowers appeared. "Will this do until I can conjure up a diamond ring?"

She kissed her husband again, "You're forgiven."

Anders had only a few memories of his parents, but none of them were like the couple in front of him. Malcolm and Leandra Hawke were the first example he had ever seen of true love.

"Maker's breath, you're grossing me out. There are small children in the room," Kate huffed.

Malcolm laughed as he ruffled his daughter's hair, "Trust me one day, hopefully not too soon, all you will think about is kissing boys."

"Only mommies and daddies are supposed to kiss," said the youngest Hawke daughter.

"Yes, that's true. So no kissing boys until you are married, okay?" Leandra stated.

"Nothing wrong with a little practice before," Malcolm said with a grin and a wink at his wife returned the gesture with a frown.

"Just a little...very little," Malcolm joked as he patted Anders on the shoulder, "Follow me, son."

By the time Anders had returned, cleaned and changed the Hawke children were sitting by the fire as Kate read the Adventures of the Black Fox. Anders sat down to eat and listened to her read. It was obvious that Malcolm had seen to it that his children received a good education. There were only a few big words that she had trouble sounding out.

When she had finished the chapter, Malcolm said, "By tomorrow morning, I want the first two paragraphs of that chapter written out in Antivan."

"Aaaah, come on Dad, you have to be kidding! I'm sooo tired," Kate whined.

"Well, than I guess we will have to shorten the amount of time you spend in the training ring," Malcolm replied.

"You do realize, Dad, that we live in Ferelden not Antiva."

"I could make you translate it into Orlasian too, but I'm not."

Kate grumbled under her breath as she got up, grabbed a quill and parchment and stomped off to her room. Anders was only twelve, but even he could see the wisdom of an apostate learning other languages.

Over the next week, when not helping on the farm or studying academic pursuits, Anders practiced spells with Malcolm while Kate practiced dual weapons in the back field with the son of one of the knights from Rainesfere. She was young, but even Anders could tell that she was talented. With more training and practice, she would be a force to be reckoned with and Anders was pretty sure that is what Malcolm had in mind. Hiding a family with two apostates in it could be dangerous; training his children to defend themselves was wise.

On Saturday, Anders got up and started to get ready to work on the farm when Carver rolled over and glared at him. "Can't you see I'm trying to sleep here?"

"Don't you need to get up and start on your chores?" Anders asked.

"It's Saturday, we don't do chores on Saturday. Mom and Dad give us the day off."

"Really? That's… awesome," Anders said as he stripped back out of his clothes. He slid back into bed and slept until sun was high in sky. He had been exhausted and obviously his body needed the rest. Never in his life unless he had been sick had he been allowed to sleep in. It was the most wonderful experience of his life. He looked over and saw Carver's empty bed, Anders got up and finally made his way little dining area, Mrs. Hawke was rolling out dough for what looked like the beginnings of a pie.

She smiled up at him when he entered, "Well, hello there, sleepy head. I was just about to come and check on you to make sure you were still breathing."

"Sorry for sleeping so late," Anders muttered.

She wiped her hands on a towel, "It's fine. You obviously needed the rest. I saved you some lunch…"

"Lunch? How late is it?"

She grinned as she set a sandwich and a glass of milk in front of him. "It's almost two o'clock."

"Maker's breath," Anders mumbled.

"Well, I'm sure after you finish eating you will be able to find the kids playing in the nearby woods."

"Thank you, Mrs…"

"Excuse me, young man, but what have I told you to call me," Mrs. Hawke said sternly.

Anders cringed slightly, "Leandra, ma'am."

"Mrs. Hawke was my mother-in-law and she has been dead for years, so no more of that. Understand?"

"Yes, ma'am," Anders replied.

She patted his arm, "Good."

Anders quickly finished the sandwich and then headed for the woods. He didn't have to go far when he heard the sound of voices arguing.

"Why do you always get to be the black fox?" Carver demanded.

"Because I'm older than you," Kate replied.

"You really should let him be the Black Fox at least once. Mom always says we need to take turns," Bethany said trying to play peacekeeper.

"Carver, couldn't lead us out of the barn, let alone out here in the woods. He would probably lead us off a cliff," Kate retorted.

Anders walked into the clearing. "I should be the black fox," he declared.

"You!" Kate exclaimed. "Have you gone mad? What makes you think that you would make a good black fox?"

"Well, for one, everyone knows that the black fox is a man…"

"That is a common misconception, I've heard rumors that the black fox was actually a woman."

"That is the craziest thing I have ever heard. What man in their right mind would run around the country, following the lead of a woman?" Anders chuckled purposely trying to get her fiery temper to rise. "Besides the black fox was very charming and witty, which I am the perfect example of. So I'll be the best black fox!"

"You're as charming as a horse's arse and about as good looking as one too. You'd probably do worse than Carver and lead us into the black city with all of your _manly _ego," Kate retorted.

"Oh, admit it. You like me. You like me so much that you can't wait to wake up each morning and see me in all my glory, before you even have breakfast," Anders snickered.

"Yes, because seeing you after I ate would make me vomit," Kate countered.

"Just try not to do it over my shoes. They are my favorite pair."

"They're your only pair."

"You're just afraid that Anders might be able to be a better black fox than you. That's why you won't let him play him," Carver accused.

"I just think he'll make a better bandit. That would also make it so much better when I show him how a female black fox can out fox him and kick his charming arse while I'm at it; besides everyone knows that the black fox wasn't a mage."

"Just like your female theory, you can't prove that HE wasn't a mage."

"Fine Anders, since you are the newest member of the family, just once, I will let you choose, on one condition, whoever wins has bragging rights for a week and the next time we play, the winner gets to be the black fox for as long as they want."

Anders was stunned that she had called him a member of the family and for a moment was speechless.

She impatiently looked at him, "Well!"

"O-okay, I agree."

She gave him a roguish grin. "Okay good, do you want to be the scoundrelous and charming head bandit or the witty and pretty black fox?"

"I'll be the black fox this round and you can be the black fox in the next one. Does that sound fair to you?"

"Fine, but you're going to have to work at the pretty part of that description."

"I'm plenty pretty, it comes naturally to me."

"You'll need to work on your evil-genius to even have the chance to out fox the charming new black fox," Anders cooed.

"Please, I'll have you on the ground and begging for mercy in no time. Since you are the black fox, I get Bethany."

"I have to warn you, Anders, she plays dirty," Bethany cautioned.

"Beth! You're warning the enemy. Whose side are you on?"

"I'm just trying to give him fair warning, you can't blame me for that," Beth said defensively.

"He'll need more than a warning. May the Maker have mercy on him, because I know you won't" Carver sneered.

"I like a good challenge," Anders said with a grin. "Now, Carver and I will give you ten minutes to set your trap or does your diabolical mind require more time?"

"In ten minutes I'll be able to set more than one trap," Carver gloated.

"I'll be able to disarm them before they are even set," Kate retorted.

Carver stuck out his tongue at her, Kate rolled her eyes, grabbed Bethany and said, "Let's go."

"Yes run, run away quickly. Prepare to be beaten by the magnificence that is The Black Fox," Anders chuckled.

Kate ignored him as the two of them headed into the woods. Over the next several hours, the four of them played the adventure game and the two teams were evenly matched. Anders had to smile at the fact that he found his equal in Kate when it came to mischief. She was clever and a quick thinker, but he was counting on her ego to be her downfall. As the sun began to sink low in the sky, they were playing their final round before heading home. They had played four times and so far they were tied. Anders quietly stalked her, following the trail that she had left. If he could win this round, he would beat her and have bragging rights for a week.

Anders followed the trail of broken branches and crushed flowers.

"This is too easy. She is never this careless," Carver said.

"I already know it's a trap, so be alert," Anders whispered back. Anders glanced down at the path and continued to follow her trail, he saw blood on a broken log. His heart began to pound in his chest. Anders followed the blood trail until the tracks split into two different directions; the blood heading one way and the crushed leaves and branches going another way.

"Why would they split up?" Carver said.

"I don't know…maybe one went for help…it's very strange. I'll follow the blood and you follow the other one," Anders instructed.

"That person that is hurt is one of my sisters, I want to follow that path," Carver argued.

Anders raised an eyebrow, "Oh have you suddenly developed the ability to heal?"

"You're no great healer. My father is better," Carver countered.

"Well, Malcolm isn't here. I am and right now, I'm better than nothing," Anders retorted.

"Fine!" The boy said as began to follow the other path.

Anders knew he was right, if either one of them were seriously injured he wouldn't be able to do anything for them. He followed the path into a clearing and stopped dead in his tracks. Lying in the middle of the field was Bethany. He rushed over to her and saw blood on her forehead. He sunk to his knees. He checked for a pulse and felt her heart beating rapidly. He raised his hands and examined her…there was nothing. He felt nothing. He had to have missed something so he raised his hands again, checked for the source of the blood. Again there were no injuries; he reached forward to touch her blood forehead when he felt a hand slid under his chin and a warm breath whisper, "You're dead."

"What the hell?" Anders exclaimed as he spun around and saw Kate.

Bethany chuckled behind him, "I warned you. She plays dirty."

"Marker's arse, you cut yourself to win a game!" Anders exclaimed.

Kate rolled her eyes, "Of course not, I fell over a log that was obscured in the shadows and cut my hand and leg, so I improvised to prove that I am smarter, wilier, wittier and prettier than you, my dear mage."

Anders smiled and shook his head. "You win, I surrender."

"And?"

Anders grimaced, "You're the best Black Fox ever."

"Thank you for admitting that."

"Will I ever live that down?"

"Nope."

"That's true she has a memory like a steal trap," Bethany said.

"Where's Carver?" Anders asked.

"I lead him back to house," Kate explained.

Anders laughed, "Oh, I'm sure we will hear all about that tonight at dinner."

Anders noticed the blood smeared across her shirt and some seeping through her pant leg. He patted the ground beside him, "Come here, let me look at those wounds."

She sat down and examined the cut on her hand. Then he gently ran his fingers across her palm as he sent healing magic into her hand and watched as a radiant smile spread across her face.

"What?"

"I love the warm, comforting feeling I get with healing magic. It makes me feel loved," she said.

"Has anyone other than your father ever healed you?"

"No, just him."

"If you want to wait to get home for him to heal your leg we can," Anders stated.

She smiled at him, pulled up her pant leg for him to see. Anders began to heal her leg. "You're doing a great job, Anders. Thank you."

He looked up at her; those beautiful sapphire eyes were shimmering as she watched his hand glide across her calf, healing her wound and Anders felt a strange stirring in his heart. Something he had never felt before, but something that felt good and soothing.

Over the next two years, Anders had become a part of the Hawke family and they were such an integrated part of his life. He knew that even if he left tomorrow that the impact they had on him would remain with him for a life time. He had come to love each of them and he was terrified of losing them. Malcolm had become like a father to him and Anders had learned more from him about healing magic then he had the three years that he had been at the Circle.

Leandra had become like a mother; always taking care of him, cleaning up after him, fixing his favorite meals, teaching him how to cook; something Kate had no desire to learn and Bethany was too young to learn. He enjoyed those times that it was just the two of them in the kitchen preparing a meal together. He had some of the best talks with her then.

Bethany and Carver were like the pesky little brother and sister he never had. They drove you crazy most of the time, but then they would do something sweet and kind that kept you from killing them.

Then there was Kate…Kate who he had grossly underestimated in her ability to find trouble and bring him into it. She was like an angel and a little devil all wrapped up in bright red bow. Leading you down the garden path probably right to the Dark City, but you went willingly with a smile on your face. When they weren't working, studying or practicing their fighting styles, they were always together. He had the best time with her and even when they were getting in trouble she still made him laugh. Spending time with her was the best part of his day which was why he was racking his brain, trying to think of a gift for her. Her birthday was tomorrow, he wanted to give her something but he had very little money. When Leandra asked him to go to the market to purchase the ingredients for her to make Kate's birthday cake, he willing went. He had hoped that he might be able find something there that was inexpensive, but also conveyed how much she meant to him. He spent half the day searching each stall, but he found nothing. As the sun was beginning to set he gave up, quickly purchased the ingredients for the cake and headed home. As he was on his way out of the village, a young girl was standing beside a box that had a sign that said, FREE KITTENS TO A GOOD HOME.

Anders walked over and peered into the box. There was only one kitten left. Anders looked up at the young girl, "Is this the only one left?"

"Yes, and if I bring it home my Pa said he would drown it."

"What? Why?"

"Because we already have plenty of cats on the farm and he doesn't want anymore," the girl explained.

Anders looked down at the cute little face of the black and white kitten and he smiled when he pictured Kate holding and petting it. "I'll take him."

"Oh great, but he is actually a she."

"Even better," Anders said as he scooped the kitten up.

The following day after dinner, the presentation of the cake and everyone gave her their gifts Anders handed her his backpack. She raised an eyebrow and grinned, "You're giving me your bag? Just what I always wanted, a used backpack."

"No dummy, look in the bag," Anders said.

She pulled the bag open and her face light up. She grinned as she pulled the kitten out of the bag. Her eyes sparkled as she looked at him. "Oooh, Anders she is prefect!"

"What are you going to name him?" Bethany asked.

Kate scratched the kitten's belly as the she rolled over and reached to play with Kate's fingers, "Hmm, I think I will name her Miss Kitty Fantastico."

Anders burst out laughing, "That is the silliest name I have ever heard."

"Cats are noble beasts that live up to their names. If you give them a serious name, they will be serious, a feisty name then that is what they will be. I want my cat to be silly so it needs a silly name."

"Well, then Miss Kitty Fantastico it is," Malcolm said.

Miss Kitty became a part of their daily adventures and the mischief they would get into. Although Kate had an aptitude for finding trouble all on her own. He thought about the time that she switched Bethany's healing book for a fire spell book and instead of healing the bouquet of flowers sitting near the kitchen widow, she set them on fire, causing the nearby curtains to catch fire and almost burning the cottage to the ground.

Leandra had been livid and when she asked Kate what made her do such a thing, Kate calmly stated, "I didn't do it, my evil twin did."

"You don't have a twin."

"Yes I do and she is responsible for all the bad things I get blamed for, but you might actually like her better Mom, because she wears dresses and plays with dolls."

"Katelyn, go to your room, you will have no supper this evening and you are not to come out until your father comes home tomorrow evening."

"Mother, please, it was an accident. How was I to know she was going to try to heal flowers by the window? Who does that? Besides she's not very good at healing, and she has mentioned that she wants to learn how to defend herself, so I just gave her a little nudge in that direction."

Leandra let out a sigh of frustration, pointed to Kate's room and ordered, "Room now! Don't come out."

"What if I have to pee, should I just do that in the corner?"

Anders could see that Leandra had reached her breaking point. He leapt to his feet and rushed Kate towards her room. "You really need to learn when to shut the hell up," he whispered.

"It was an accident," she hissed back.

"So the books just magically switched themselves," Anders retorted.

"It could happen," Kate said with a pout.

"Be a good little girl and I'll sneak you some dinner," Anders said as he pushed her into her room and closed the door.

That night he had second and third helpings of food at dinner. He hid it in a napkin and then when he went out to the barn to feed the horses, he went to her window and gave her the food. She smiled warmly at him and kissed his cheek. Anders knew then, he would do anything for her; anything to help her and keep her safe. She was his best friend, partner in crime, his counterpart and he loved and cherished her most of all.

It was for these reasons that Anders worried about the templars catching up with him. He had stayed in one place too long. It was only a matter of time before his phylactery led them to him and more importantly led the templars to Malcolm and Bethany. So several nights later, when Anders thought everyone was asleep, he slipped out of bed, got dressed, packed a small bag and then quietly headed for the front door.

From the shadow of the living room, a voice said, "Were you really going to leave without saying good-bye, Anders?"

Anders spun to face Malcolm as he stepped into the light. The face of the only man he could remember as a father, looked sad. "I-I'm sorry. I thought it would be easier this way. I knew you and Leandra would try to stop me, but I've been here too long. My presence places all of you in danger."

"Do you think I don't know that? I have been an apostate a lot longer than you have, my dear boy."

"I meant no disrespect…"

"None is taken, Anders," Malcolm said as he drape his arm around Anders shoulders and led him over to the kitchen table. Spread out before them was a map of Ferelden, there were tiny red, yellow and green dots spread throughout the map.

"What do the dots mean?

"The red dots are locations that have a heavy Chantry influence and a large number of templars. The yellow dots are locations that we have already lived and the green dots are places that would be good areas to move to. When I was gone earlier this week, I was scouting a village near the foothills of Dragon's Peak. I believe it will be good place to live for the next several years…"

"But you have a life here, you are safe here, your family…"

"This is your family too, Anders, and families stick together, no matter what. So we will be leaving here in the next five days. I will need your help selling as much as we can and packing everything that will fit into the wagon."

Anders was overwhelmed that someone would risk everything to protect him and without thinking, he threw his arms around Malcolm's neck. In a voice that was barely audible he said, "Thank you."

Over the next week, the family worked together to get ready to leave. On their last day, Malcolm and Leandra gave the kids some time off for good behavior, while they finished up the last of the packing. Anders, Kate and the twins headed to the open field behind the house. With wooden swords, Carver and Kate were sparing together, while he and Bethany practiced defensive spells. Anders had just cast a huge fireball when three templars stepped out of the woods, swords drawn, "Halt apostate."

Anders shoved Bethany behind him and he heard Kate yell for their father. Both Leandra and Malcolm came rushing into the field just as the senior templar grabbed Anders while the other reached Bethany.

"It wasn't her," Anders cried out. "Leave her alone. It was me. I'm the one you want."

"I felt multiple spells being cast," the lead templar said.

"It was only me. I was casting numerous spells to see how long it took to drain my mana. These people are innocent. Please leave them be," Anders begged.

"They are far from innocent. They were harboring an apostate. That makes them accomplices," the templar declared.

"Please I will cooperate and leave peacefully. Just leave this innocent family alone," Anders pleaded again.

"Anders, no," Kate cried out as she started for him. Anders shot her a look of disapproval just as Malcolm grabbed her arm.

The templar stared at them then gave a curt nod, "Fine they are free to go as long as you don't fight us."

Anders nodded as the two templars roughly grabbed his arms and tied his hands together.

"Please, is that really necessary? He has agreed to cooperate," Malcolm said.

The templar turned and glared at him, "Stay out of our business." Just to prove his point, the templar punched Anders in the jaw. He staggered back, but the two men holding his arms kept him on his feet for the lead templar to deliver another blow. This time Anders heard the bone in his nose crack.

Anders heard a blood curdling cry and watched in horror as Kate broke free from her father. She rushed toward them. The templars drew their swords, ready to attack her. Without hesitation, Anders cast a mindblast spell knocking the men back, causing them lose their footing and stumble away from Kate as she rushed toward him. She launched herself at Anders, wrapping her arms around his neck as her tears mixed with his own blood and tears. "Please, please don't take him," she pleaded.

"Kate, stop. This is the only way," Anders said desperately wanting to hold her, to comfort her.

"No, no, no, no," she said over and over again.

The templars had started to pull her off of him when he leaned into her ear and whispered, "I will find you. I promise." As they pulled her away, she kissed the side of his cheek then they grabbed his arms again and hauled him back to the circle.

**A/N – Miss Kitty Fantastico is a shout out to one of my favorite shows; extra Double Mint Oreo cookies to anyone who can tell me which show.**

***Big thanks, hugs and kisses to the betalicous Jinx1983 for**** making it seem as if I have mastered commas, colons, semicolons and spellchecker. The fact that I haven't is our little secret. You're the best! Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2 I Feel The Earth Move

**Chapter 2- I Feel the Earth Move**

"Oh, darling, when you're near me, and you tenderly call my name  
>I know that my emotions, are something that I just can't tame, I've just got to have you, baby<br>I feel the earth move under my feet, I feel the sky tumbling down, tumbling down  
>I feel the earth move under my feet, I feel the sky tumbling down, tumbling down<br>I just lose control , sown to my very soul, I get hot and cold all over  
>I feel the earth move under my feet, I feel the sky tumbling down<p>

_I Feel The Earth Move by Carole King_

"Anders." He heard his name distantly being called. He remembered how painful it had been to be torn away from the family that he had come to consider as his own and how agonizing that two year separation had been. He had thought about them and her everyday he had been in the tower.

"Anders." Anders blinked and looked up at Isabela then back down at his Kat's still body.

"Anders, is she stable enough to move? We really should get out of here before those Starkhaven knights change their minds and decide to have another go at us for killing their Prince."

Anders examined her again. She was stable, no signs of internal bleeding, but still she remained unconscious and he had no idea why.

Anders nodded, "Yes, it's okay to move her."

"Good. Varric scouted a cave not far from here. I will carry both of your packs if you can carry her."

Anders nodded again, stood up and bent over to scoop her into his arms. It didn't take them long to reach the cave. Anders helped them set-up camp and start a fire. Then he spread out his bedroll, grabbed a clean shirt and his canteen of water, pulled her back into his lap and began washing the dried blood off of her face. His mind drifted back to when he had seen her for the first time after his escape.

It had taken him eighteen months to escape the Circle, four months to properly throw the templars off his trail and then two months to make it to the village near Dragon's Peak that Malcolm had shown him.

He heard her before he saw her as he made his way down the path that lead to the tiny house. Anders stood in the shadows and watched her sparring against her brother. Maker's breath, in the two years since he had last seen her, puberty had definitely found Kate and had been very kind to her. She wore a tight pair of leather sparring pants that accentuated her lovely hips and firm bottom. She had leather boots and lose fitting shirt on. However the laces on it had come loose and Anders could see the sweat glistening off of the swells of her supple round breasts. Her raven black hair was now past her shoulders and as it gleamed in the sun it almost looked like it had blue highlights in it. She was absolutely breathtaking.

"Maker's balls, Carver I know old women that could swing a sword harder than you."

"Well why the hell don't you spar with one of them then. At least I'll have some peace and quiet, not have you climbing down my throat all day. So are you going to shut the fuck up and fight or are we going to go find you a grey haired old lady?"

"Shut the fuck up and fight?" Kate asked in a mocking tone. "How about you kiss my lily white ass?"

"I'll kiss your lily white ass," Anders said as he stepped out of the shadows and into the sun.

As Kate spun to face the intruder and he could tell she was poising for a fight until she saw it was him. She paused as if registering who he was, and then she threw her sword down, raced across the field and leapt into his arms.

It took every ounce of self control not claim her lips with his. He had thought about her every day he had been gone and dreamed about her every night, but she had been thirteen when they had taken him and even though he had started to have feelings for her that weren't very sisterly, he had no idea how she felt.

"Hey, brother," Carver said as he approached them and completely uncharacteristically he pulled Anders into a hug. "It's good to see you out and about again."

Anders chuckled, "It's good to be out and about."

Kate looped her arm through his and led him toward the house. "When did you escape?"

"About six months ago, but I wanted to throw the templars off my trail before heading here," Anders said.

"Well we appreciate that," Carver said.

"Where is everyone?" Anders asked.

"Mother is selling her pies and breads in the village to make some extra money. Father and Bethany are in the mountains practicing spells. Ever since your capture, he has been very caution not to cast near populated areas." Kate explained as she opened the door to the cottage.

"That is wise of him," Anders said.

Once settled inside, at the kitchen table, Kate started to make him something to eat. He chuckled, "When did you become so domesticated?"

"It doesn't take any great skill to heat something up over a fire," Kate replied.

"Yes, we keep her away from unprepared food for safety reasons," Carver said.

Anders laughed. "Well, I'm glad some things haven't changed."

Anders spent the next several hours catching up on everything that had happened during his absence. He felt something brush up against his leg; he looked down and saw a big, fluff black cat with white paws rub up against him as Miss Kitty Fantasico began to purr.

Anders smiled, "My Miss Kitty, you have become so big and…fat. What the hell are they feeding you?"

"Field mice, that is pretty much all she eats. How she can manage to catch them when she's as round as a wheel of cheese is beyond me?" Kate said.

"I had a cat while I was in the Circle," Anders said,

"You did? What did you name him?" She asked with a grin.

"Well, someone once told me that if you want to have a silly cat you have to give him a silly name, so I named him Mr. Wiggums."

Kate smiled the most radiant smile he had ever seen and his heart skipped a beat. "And was he silly?"

"Very much so… well up until he became possessed. Then there were a lot more grrrrrs and rawrrrs, and hisssss. He did manage to take down several templars before he met his untimely demise. That was very entertaining."

Kate burst out laughing. He had forgotten how wonderful and infectious her laugh was and he couldn't help, but to join in with her. "You're joking, right?" She asked.

"Completely true story, I swear," Anders said as he crossed his heart.

When Malcolm and Leandra finally walked in, Leandra immediately pulled him into her arms and kissed him. Maker, he had missed the feeling of being comforted by her.

Malcolm walked over, embraced him as he said, "Welcome home, Son. We've been waiting for you." Malcolm's words brought tears to his eyes.

"It's good to be home," Anders replied.

Leandra prepared a large welcome home dinner and the family spent the several hours getting reacquainted.

"Did Kate tell you that she has a boyfriend?" Bethany asked.

Kate turned three shades of red. "Beth, shut up. He isn't my boyfriend."

"Oh, so you go around kissing boys that aren't your boyfriends? That would make you kinda slutty," Bethany replied as Kate's eyes went wide with anger and she looked over at Anders.

Anders worked hard not to react to the fact that some guy had been kissing his Kate.

"Bethany, that is no way to talk about your sister," Leandra said.

"I want to know who this boy is that you've been kissing," Malcolm stated.

"Yes, we do. Can't have our Kate kissing just anyone; we need to make sure he is Kate worthy," Anders added.

"It's the Bann's son," Carver said as he stuffed a large piece of meat into his mouth.

"Maker's balls, do you people understand the meaning of the word _privacy_?" Kate yelled.

"Katelyn, you watch your mouth," Leandra corrected.

"Yes, the last thing I need to be thinking of is the Maker's privates while I'm trying to eat," Malcolm said dryly.

Leandra shot Malcolm a dirty look. "What? It's true. That isn't what I want to be thinking about right now."

"That isn't the point. The point is, the language your daughter is using."

"Oh right. Kate, stop creating curse words out of the Maker's name. No matter how funny I think they are, it's completely inappropriate for a young lady to use that kind of language; especially if she is being courted by the Bann's son."

"I am not being courting nor do I want to be courted by the Bann's son. His breath smells like a nug's ass and he kisses about as well as a genlock. Glad I found that out now before he wasted anymore of my time."

Anders and Malcolm burst out laughing.

"Katelyn!" Leandra exclaimed.

"I'd say she gets that from you Mal. She clearly knows what she wants," Anders said extremely pleased that Kate wouldn't be kissing that boy anymore.

"Kissing is extremely important. If there isn't that spark the moment your lips met, then it will never be there. I knew the moment that my lips touched your mother's, that she was the only girl I ever wanted to kiss."

"Aaaah, that so sweet," Bethany said as she feigned vomiting and Carver pretended to stick his finger down his throat.

Leandra smiled, "You're time will come. I promise, but it better be much later than your sister or else!"

"Hey, I'm fifteen… almost sixteen and there is nothing wrong with kissing," Kate said defensively.

"See! This is how it starts. Malcolm, speak to our daughter," Leandra demanded.

"And tell her what, dear?" Malcolm said as he was clearly concentrating on his food.

"Yes, what is he supposed to tell me? Kissing is a natural part of growing up. Anders, how old were you when you received your first kiss?" Kate asked.

"Hey, leave me out of this," Anders replied.

"Yeah, Anders, how old were you the first time you kissed a girl?" Bethany asked as her eyes widened with curiosity.

"Old enough to know I liked it, but young enough to know it would probably be a while before it happened again," Anders said.

Malcolm burst out laughing. "If you weren't a mage you would make an excellent politician."

"Well, he won't get my vote. He's too scruffy looking," Carver grunted.

Anders rubbed the stubble coming in around his jaw, "Scruffy? I've worked hard to obtain the handsome, rebellious apostate look."

"Well, you need to work harder," Carver retorted his voice cracking as he spoke.

"You're one to talk. I don't even think you've hit puberty yet," Anders chuckled.

After dinner, once everyone was cleaned up they sat around the fire while Kate read the _Adventures of Marus, An Apostates Tale_. Anders loved the cadence of her voice, its rise and pitch as she emphasized words or interpreted dialogue. He wouldn't mind his own private reading as she read him the _Art of Passionate Lovemaking_. He couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face. Kate caught the expression and raised an eyebrow, but never missed a step in her reading as she returned his smile. He went to bed that night, warm from the glow of her smile and the comfort of being surrounded by people that he loved and who loved him.

The following day after they had finished their chores, Kate asked if he would like to walk with her to village to pick up some items for her mother. Of course he was more than willing to go just so that he could be alone with her. They walked in silence for a while, both unsure were to begin or what to say.

Finally Anders began, "So this Bann's son...was he really all that bad?"

She grinned at him, "I'll tell you about my first kiss if you tell me about yours."

"You really want to know about my first kiss? I would ask why, but I think that might be a bit dangerous."

"Just call it natural curiosity."

"Okay, deal, but you go first," Anders said.

"Okay… no, Thomas' kiss wasn't that bad. As a matter of fact, it was nice in a wet kinda way…"

"But," Anders said.

"I don't know. I expected more. From some of the trash novels I stole from my mom, I expected it to be more exciting…something more electric."

"I believe it's like that when you kiss someone you have feelings for," Anders said.

"Now, it's your turn."

"It was in the circle, in the library stacks with a pretty blond mage and as you said it was nice. However, it made me…want more, but maybe that is how it is with guys."

Kate nodded as she thought about what he said. "Did you have feelings for her?"

"Maker no…I mean not the way you're talking about. I liked her, I enjoyed spending time with her, but I wasn't in love with her if that is what you are asking."

"So you wanted more from her. Did you get more?"

Anders felt the heat rising in his cheeks. How the hell had their conversation led down this path. Oh yeah, he brought up the Bann son's kiss… Idiot! He had lost his virginity to that mage and as with most first times for guys it was short and sweet, but he sure as hell wasn't about to tell Kate that. He had always wanted his first time to be with Kate, but considering how the whole experience was much too short due to his lack of self control and experience. He was glad it hadn't been with her. He didn't think he would have been able to stand the humiliation if it had been her. The mage at the Circle had been understanding and thank the Maker more than willing to give it another try. He was a quick study and his skills as a lover rapidly improved.

"Uhmm…yes…there was definitely more kissing. How about you and the Bann's son?"

"Well, he kissed me one other time, but then he tried to stick his hand up my shirt. It must be that whole guys wanting more thing you explained."

Anders felt anger rising at the thought of some clumsy boy trying to feel her up. "So what did you do?" Anders asked trying to keep his voice even.

"I knocked him on his ass of course, and told him if he ever tried that again I would liberate his offensive hand from his arm," Kate stated matter-of-factly.

Anders burst out laughing. That was so his Kate. "Good! So would that rule apply to all guys, or just the ones you don't have feelings for?" Anders paused and quickly added, "I am only asking out of concern, just to clarify."

Kate raised a skeptic eyebrow, "Concern for who?"

"For you of course, and all offensive hands everywhere."

Kate smiled that roguish grin of hers and her eyes danced mischievously. "No…if there was that spark of electricity that I mentioned early. Then I believe all appendages would remain in tacked."

Anders looked over at her as he gave her an impish grin, "Did I mention that I excel with natural element spells, especially electricity?"

"Really, now? Would you like to elaborate on that?"

Anders knew his eyes had darkened with lust and he forced himself to reign in his feelings for her. "Well, it's more of a show you kinda thing than a tell you kind of thing."

"So you wanna show me stuff, huh? Why didn't you just say so to begin with?" she teased.

Anders grabbed her by the waist and began to tickle her, "It's not nice to tease a mage, Sister."

Kate's flared as she looked into his eyes, "Is that what you feel for me, Anders, brotherly love?"

"That is what I'm supposed to feel for you," Anders stated.

"That isn't what I asked you?"

Before Anders could reply, three boys close to his age stepped out behind a large tree, the leader of the group stepped directly into Kate's path. "Well, aren't you the little slut? I see that it didn't take you long to move on from me to some other poor sap."

Anders felt the heat rising in his face as his anger raged out of control. At Kate's insistence, Anders had left his staff at home. He had his daggers, but he wasn't nearly as competent with them as Kate. However, Malcolm had insisted that he learn another way to defend himself since magic could be dispelled. Kate must have noticed his hands twitch and she touched his arm to calm him down.

"Thomas, you must have me mistaken for you. It's my understanding that after I turned you down and threatened bodily harm that you moved onto Maria, Suzanne and last I heard, Ellen. Hmmm, in my book that makes you the slut."

"I'm a guy, I can fuck whoever I want, and right now I want to fuck you."

Anders couldn't take anymore, "The only fucking that will be happening today will be me fucking you up."

"Oh, really," Thomas said. "It's three against two… well one and half since Kate's a girl. I kinda like those odds."

"Oh, you'll like them even more when I jam your cock down your throat," Kate hissed.

"No Kate, the big mouth noble pratt is mine," Anders hissed then instructed, "You take care of the other two."

Kate raised an eyebrow as she drew her daggers. "It will be okay," He reassured her. Anders knew full well that Kate could handle Thomas' two sidekicks all on her own, but Anders was going to teach this arrogant son of bitch a lesson about how to talk to young ladies.

"No magic," she hissed.

"Maybe just a little," Anders whispered back.

Anders rushed toward Thomas as he had seen Kate do hundreds of times, but just before he reached him, Anders cast a minor mindblast spell, knocking the noble to the ground. Thomas rebounded quickly and was back on his feet before Anders could reach him.

The young jackass crouched in a defensive position as he thrust his blade and Anders blocked and then countered. Block, thrust, swing, counter, the two of them danced until Anders' arms had begun to ache. He glanced over and saw that Kate had disarmed and knocked unconscious one of the companions and was gleefully going to work on the other.

Swing, block, thrust and several times the prick had Anders on the defense and backing up quickly to gain so extra ground. Anders hit him again with a minor mindblast spell, just enough knock him off balance and Thomas stumbled backwards. Anders pretended to bring the pommel of his dagger down on his head as he cast a stonefist spell at him knocking him completely to the ground. Anders leapt on top of him and with one dagger at his throat and one at his groin, Anders said, "Apologize to the Lady."

"Fuck you," Thomas spat.

Anders pulled his dagger even harder against the boy's groin, "I'll make it so that you won't be fucking anything ever again if you don't apologize."

Kate walked over to them and looked down, "I don't need an apology from this sodding bastard."

"I do," Anders hissed. Anders pressed his blade against Thomas throat. It wasn't enough to even draw blood, but the coward cried out anyways. "Say you're sorry to pretty girl."

Thomas just glared at them. Kate grabbed Anders' arm, "Don't! Let him go or else he will run to his Daddy to protect him. Let's go!"

Anders knew there was wisdom in her words. He was a noble's son and his ego had been badly wounded here today. Only time would tell if in the long run they would pay the price for this minor victory. Anders withdrew his blades and stood up.

Thomas slowly rose to his feet never taking his eyes off of Anders as he sheathed his daggers. His friends staggered up to him. Thomas turned his stare at Kate, "This isn't over. You better keep your bodyguard with you at all times because if I catch you alone…you're mine."

A growl slipped through Anders lips as he stared at the bastard and watched him slowly turn to go.

Once they were out of sight, Anders felt Kate lean against him. He turned to her just as she swayed and began to fall. He grabbed her by the waist and felt the warm slick wetness that was unmistakably blood.

"Kate!" He exclaimed as he swept her into his arms and rushed her over to a clearing under a tree. Neither one of them had been wearing any armor and although Anders could feel a few cuts and bruises he had taken, even one direct hit. Kate hadn't been so lucky. There were numerous cuts on her body, but most of the blood was pooling from her side.

Anders lifted her shirt and cursed when he saw the blood pouring from the nasty gash on the side of her abdomen.

"Come on, it can't be that bad for a super mage like yourself," Kate said through gritted teeth.

"The super mage won't be able to live with himself if he can't heal you," Anders said as he worried if he had enough knowledge to properly heal her.

Kate grabbed his hand. "Look at me," she said weakly. Anders looked into her eyes. "I have faith in you. You were trained by the best."

Anders knew that she was referring to Malcolm, not the Circle. Anders drew a deep breath, raised his hands and examined her; he was relieved to find that none of her internal organs had been damaged. However, she was losing a lot of blood and he had to get those veins and arteries closed before she lost any more.

Anders raised his hands, blue lighted illuminated from them as he sent healing magic into her stomach. She moaned a little as the relief from the pain washed over her.

"How have you been able to keep yourself up for so long, and why didn't you tell me you were hurt?"

"I was enjoying watching you threatening Thomas' manhood too much to stop that entertaining scene just for a little healing magic," Kate said trying to lighten the mood.

"Kate…you could have died. I-I can't lose you. Please, promise me, you won't do something so reckless again."

"Worried about little ol' me? Don't worry, I'll be fine, you'll see."

"This isn't a joke... not everything is a joke... you could have bled to death."

He looked at her and her eyes had closed from the exhaustion, pain and blood loss. Anders had stopped the bleeding then closed up the wound. He ran his finger across her abdomen as he used his last bit of mana to heal the tender pink skin to minimize the scarring. Her body shuddered under his touch and even once his mana was completely drained he continued to stroke her soft velvety skin. He knew he should have stopped, he should have helped her to her feet and gotten her home, but he couldn't bring himself to break the connection with her skin. He looked up at her again, he watched the slow rhythmic fall of her chest and he knew she had fallen asleep.

He leaned over and gently brushed his lips against her neck as he whispered in her ear, "To answer your question. What I feel for you, Kate, is far from brotherly." He then laid down beside her; he continued to caress the spot he had just healed and enjoyed just watching her sleep.

He let her rest for another hour so that she had time to regain her strength before he woke her and they headed back home. When they arrived, they recounted what had happened to Malcolm and Leandra, both of them exchanged looks of concern then quickly tried to cover them up.

"What? What is it?" Kate demanded.

"I think it's probably time for us to move on," Malcolm said.

"What? All because of a silly skirmish with Thomas, you want to completely uproot the family," Kate bellowed.

"There's more to it than just that. However this incident will only add fuel to the fire so before things get out of hand it would be wise if we just left."

"Fuel to what fire? Will someone please tell me what is going on?"

Malcolm looked at Leandra who gave a curt nod, he drew a deep breath and said, "The Bann has made it known that Thomas wants to take you as his bride."

"What!" Both Anders and Kate exclaimed together.

"But he is a noble," Anders said.

"I come from a noble family in Kirkwall so Kate has noble blood and if she wanted to, she could marry into a noble family," Leandra explained.

"Well, Kate doesn't want to," Kate cried out.

"Kate, marrying into a noble family would give us the extra protection that we need," Leandra said.

Anders felt sick to his stomach. He loved Leandra, he loved her like a mother, but she couldn't honestly be willing to sell her daughter into a loveless marriage in order to protect the rest of the family. He wouldn't let her do that. "Children of nobility end up in the Circle all the time. Kate marrying someone she doesn't love will not protect Bethany or Malcolm."

"This is a small area, the Chantry has a small presence here, having the highest nobleman as a family member would stop people asking question and have them turn the other way," Leandra stated calmly.

"And what about me? What about my happiness? Or doesn't that matter to you? You married the man that you loved so it doesn't matter if the rest of us live miserable lives!" Kate yelled, tears streaming down her face as she leapt to her feet and raced out the door.

Anders was on his feet ready to go after her when he turned to look at Leandra, "I love you both of you, but your wrong to place this burden on her. She is only fifteen, she has her whole life ahead of her, and she shouldn't be made to suffer because of the choices that the two of you have made."

Anders spun on his heels and raced after Kate. He glanced around and saw the flicker of her shirt as she sprinted through a path in the woods. Anders started after her. When he had caught up to her, she was sitting in a clearing near a cliff that over looked the valley below.

She felt him approach and he watched her shoulders relax. He sat down beside her; he leaned back and rested his weight on his right elbow as he angled his body toward her. She didn't say anything so he just waited for when she was ready to talk. Finally, she said, "Maybe they are right, maybe I am being selfish. If marrying him it will keep my Father, Bethany and you safe. Then maybe I should just do want they want me to do."

Anders heart was thundering in his chest as his mind screamed that she couldn't do that, but he knew he had to tread cautiously here. "Don't do this for my safety, Kate I have been taking care of myself for quiet sometime now."

"My family is so tired of running, I know the twins have both made friends here and enjoy living here…"

"So you're willing to sacrifice your happiness so that the twins can have friends," Anders asked as he tried to keep his voice neutral.

"I have to think of their safety Anders. I can't just think of myself. I have a family who needs me, and that includes you."

"Don't! Don't you dare lump me in with them. I would never ask you to do this. I would never ask you to give up what you want for me."

"Anders…I-I don't want this…this responsibility. It's not fair. I want…"

He waited for her to continue when she didn't he prompted her, "What do you want, Kate?"

She turned to look at him, desire flaring in her eyes, "I-I want…"

"KATE!" Malcolm's voice yelled from the path in the woods. Anders cursed under his breath.

A few seconds later Malcolm entered the clearing. He walked over to his daughter, knelt before her and pulled her into his arms. "Katie girl, my darlin' little Katie," the mage said as he kissed his daughter's forehead. "I am sorry for the things your mother said. We had talked about this possibility when you were interested in Thomas, but after what you had said last night at the dinner table about not finding the boy interesting anymore, I no longer considered it as a reasonable alternative to leaving. Can you forgive this old fool?"

Kate smiled warmly at her father, "Of course."

"I love you, Katie girl. I only want you to be happy and when you marry, Darlin', it's because you love the man, not because it will help your status in life. Promise me that. Promise me, Kate, that you will marry for love."

"I promise, Dad," Kate replied.

"Good, now we must make plans to leave immediately," Malcolm stated.

"What? Why?" Kate asked.

"From what I hear about this Thomas fellow, your rejection of him, you humiliating him and your physical defeat of him is only going to make him want you more, so that he can control and then break you. I won't let that happen, so before the Bann's request of marriage becomes more of a demand, we need to leave and when I say leave, I mean we are leaving tonight. So I need the two of you to move quickly and pack up your belongings."

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Wow! The response to this story has been awesome. Thank you ****to everyone that has added this story to their alert and favs list. I also want to thank everyone that took the time to review. I love hearing your thoughts and I hope that you will continue to share them with me.**

*******A very special thank you to the awesome Beta Goddess, Jinxy for her fanfrickentastic editing skills; thank you for always making me look good. Hugs and kisses for all that you do for me. You rock!**


	3. Chapter 3 Time In A Bottle

**Chapter 3 –Time In A Bottle**

"If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing that I'd like to do  
>Is to save every day 'til eternity passes away, just to spend them with you<br>If I could make days last forever, if words could make wishes come true  
>I'd save every day like a treasure and then again, I would spend them with you<p>

But there never seems to be enough time, to do the things you want to do once you find them  
>I've looked around enough to know, that you're the one I want to go through time with<p>

If I had a box just for wishes and dreams that had never come true  
>The box would be empty except for the memory of how they were answered by you<br>But there never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do once you find them  
>I've looked around enough to know that you're the one I want to go through time with"<p>

_Time In A Bottle by Jim Croce_

Anders pulled out a clean cloth, poured water onto it then titled Kate's head forward and gently squeezed water into her mouth. She had been unconscious for over a day and the last thing he wanted was for her to become dehydrated. Isabela watched skeptically as Anders nursed and cared for Kate.

"I thought you said that you couldn't find anything physically wrong with her. Why hasn't she woken up?" The pirate asked.

Anders thought about when he had started to heal her after the skirmish with Sebastian. She had lost a lot of blood and her heartbeat had been so weak that at times it was almost undetectable. Anders let out a long sigh, "When I was saving her there is a chance that she died and in my terror of losing her I might not have sensed it or denied the fact and I continued to heal her. If she had crossed over to the Fade even if only for a few seconds and I had brought her back, then her spirit very well could be trapped between the two worlds."

"Brilliant! Bloody fucking brilliant!" Isabela exclaimed.

"How in the name of the soddin' ancestors couldn't you have realized if she had died, Blondie?" Varric demanded.

"Easy...I was watching the love of my life bleed out and I was frantic to save her. I was concentrating more on stopping her blood from flowing out of her body and I may have missed a heartbeat..or two." Anders said defensively.

Varric raised a doubtful eyebrow. "Or two? Correct me if I'm wrong but, isn't death one of the things you can't do twice?"

"Technically, it takes longer than a few missed heartbeats to be officially dead. The brain needs to be without blood and oxygen for several minutes before you're formally dead, but the spirit can leave the body as soon as the heart stops beating," Anders explained.

"So what can we do to save her?" Isabela asked.

"I wanted to give her one more day to try and come out of this on her own, but if she doesn't then I will need to go into the Fade to find her and lead her back," Anders explained.

"Well, why wait? Why don't we do this now?" Varric asked.

"Because I am going to need the help of another mage, someone who remains in this world when I go in after her; once I find her, they will act as a beacon to guide us back. Varric, when the sun comes up I was going to suggest that you go into Minrathous to buy us the best mage you can find."

Varric rifled through several of the jewels that Kate had pulled out of her estate vault. He held up two large rubies. "Hmmm, these should buy us a decent mage."

Isabela's eyes widened as she scanned the jewels, "If they cost that much, I hope they offer a few other services. I'm as horny as a three balled tomcat. If I don't get laid soon, I think things are going to grow back together down there."

"Which would you prefer Rivaini, male mage or female?" Varric asked.

"How about both? It's been a really long time!"

Anders tuned out the rest of the banter as he thought back to night that he and the Hawke family escaped Dragon's Peak and the first time he had witnessed the death of one of the members of the Hawke family. To this day the memory still managed to bring tears to his eyes.

The family had quickly packed everything they could into the old wagon and shortly after the sunset they made their way out of the foothills. However, they didn't make it far when a half a dozen Dragon Peak's knights blocking the road.

"Where exactly do you think you are going, Malcolm Hawke," Thomas Sighard sneered.

"We have pressing family matters that require our immediate attention," Malcolm said calmly.

"So imperative that you are leaving under the cover of night," Thomas replied.

Anders heart was hammering in his chest. This was a very delicate situation that was going to require a lot of finesse on Malcolm's part. "As I said, my Lord, the matter is an urgent one that could not wait till the light of day."

"Hmm, I find this sudden departure very suspicious considering the run in that I had with your daughter earlier today," Thomas stated doubtfully.

"I am unaware of any run in that you had with one of daughters. They failed to mention it, but I assure that is not the reason for our departure," Malcolm stated calmly. "Now if you will excuse us, my Lord, we must be on our way.

Thomas studied the family for a long time and Anders saw Kate slowly easing her daggers out of their sheathes. Anders leaned over and whispered, "You need to remain calm and let your father handle this."

"I'm just preparing for the worst. That's all."

"Well, Malcolm, you see that is just something I can't let you do," Thomas replied.

"And why is that, my Lord?" Malcolm asked trying to keep his voice level.

"You see, you're leaving my lands with my property and I can't have that," Thomas retorted as his voice now taking on a hard edge.

"The last time I checked, these lands belong to your father, Bann Christian Sighard and I can assure you that I don't have any property of your father's."

"What you are taking doesn't belong to my father, it belongs to _**me**_ and you will not leave Dragon's Peak with it," Thomas hissed.

Anders knew that this bastard was referring to Kate as his property and as his anger coursed through his veins. He felt the magic tingling in his fingers, itching to be released on this pompous prick.

"I promise you that I don't have any of your possessions," Malcolm said calmly.

"That is where you are severally mistaken. Kate is mine! And you will not leave Dragon's Peak with her," Thomas bellowed.

Anders saw Carver slide a sword out from under a blanket and tightly grip the pommel until Anders could see the white of his knuckles in the moonlight.

"My daughter is not a possession, property, or yours," Malcolm snarled.

"She most definitely is mine and will be mine in every way. Now hand her over and I will allow the rest of your family to…"

Thomas was unable to finish the sentence as an unknown presence lifted the noble out of his saddle and slammed him to the ground. The knights immediately drew their swords, preparing to attack as Kate and Carver leapt out of the wagon and charged forward to confront the soldiers. Malcolm cast a cone of cold over the soldiers, freezing three of them in place and slowing down the other three. Anders and Bethany were immediately on their feet, both casting their best element and primal spells at the soldiers.

Malcolm jumped out the wagon, staff at the ready as he approached Thomas; the boy had recovered and was on his feet, in a defensive position, sword and shield drawn.

"You're a mage!" He spat.

Anders couldn't see Malcolm's face, but he knew that their father had a smile on his face as he spoke. "Yes I am, and this mage is about to teach you a lesson in humility."

"I'm a nobleman's son. There is no need for me to be humble."

"If you're not careful son, your arrogance is going to get you killed," Malcolm said coolly as he cast Winter's Grasp at Thomas then hit him with a Stonefist spell, knocking him to the ground. Malcolm then turned to give aid to his children as he cast a Crushing Prison spell at one knight that had Carver on the defense and Petrified another who was slamming Kate's back against a tree in an attempt to loosen the hold that the young rogue had around the soldier's neck. With the knight temporarily paralyzed, Kate brought the pommel of her dagger against the man's head completely knocking him out.

Kate leapt back to the ground; she looked around to find that all of the knights were on the ground either unconscious or graveling in pain. Anders watched as her face went from sheer joy as she smiled at her Father to utter horror as she screamed, "Daddy, watch out!"

Anders spun to see Thomas back on his feet, standing behind Malcolm with his sword drawn back, Anders threw a Firebolt at him, but it was too late. By the time the spell reached Thomas, he had already thrust his sword through Malcolm's chest. There were several screams all at once as Anders watched in terror as Malcolm's body crumbled to the ground and Kate charged the nobleman. She slammed full force into him, knocking him back then with lightening speed she rolled past him and came up behind him. She leapt onto his back, with one arm she yanked his head back exposing his neck and with the other, she savagely pulled her dagger across the Thomas' throat. She released her grip on the boy and let his body collapse to the ground. Blood was dripping from her hands as she surveyed the scene. Her eyes had taken on a look that Anders had never seen before –they were cold and calculating.

Leandra had rushed out of the wagon, she fell beside her husband's body as she cried into his chest. Bethany was standing behind her mother trying to console her. Kate, however, was studying the scene before her as she planned out how to get her family out of the situation they were now in. Anders could see she was weighing her options before reaching a decision.

"Mother, Bethany, get a blanket, wrap Father's body, we will take it with us. We will build him a proper pyre once we have put some distance between us and Dragon's Peak. Carver, Anders, I need your help ending the lives of these poor sods," Kate said unemotionally as she pointed to the knights that were graveling in pain.

"Kate, is that really necessary?" Leandra sniffled through her tears.

"Dead men tell no tales, Mother. If we don't want all of Dragon's Peak hunting us down for killing one of the Bann's sons then yes it is very necessary," Kate replied in a cold voice that sent a chill through Anders' body. Quickly and in a detached manner, Carver and Anders assisted Kate with the disposal of the bodies before they hastily made their way south.

A month later, the family found a small cottage to rent just outside the city limits of Gwaren. Malcolm had marked this place on his Ferelden map and Kate had selected it because it was the furthest city from Dragon's Peak that still remained in Ferelden and due to the Brecilian Forest surrounding the city, news was slow to arrive in this area.

Leandra had been so stricken with grief that she was completely incapable of making even the easiest decisions, so both he and Kate had taken over as heads of the family. Kate was proving to be an extremely proficient leader, able to make hard, calculated and at times unpopular decisions. There were times that the twins would push back about some of her choices, but they would quickly change their attitudes when she said that she would gladly step aside if they wanted to take over the duty of providing food and shelter for the family.

The night that they had escaped Dragon's Peak, Anders had lost two members of the Hawke family; the man that he had come to consider a father and the young, carefree girl that he had fallen in love with. The next day when they had built the pyre for Malcolm, Anders studied Kate as she had lit the fire under the pyre and realized that not only was she saying good-bye to her father, she was also saying good-bye to the innocent girl she had once been. It hadn't taken Anders long to realize that what had risen from those ashes was a strong, adept, clever woman who readily accepted the duty of taking care of her family and although he didn't think it was possible, Anders loved her even more for it.

Over the next two years, the family had settled very comfortably into the quaint life of Gwaren. Leandra had managed to pull herself out of her grief and resumed selling her bake goodies to help supplement their income. When they had arrived, Kate had the wisdom to purchase a cow from a local farmer at a very reasonable price so that the family was able to supply its own dairy products. As it turned out, although Kate could make a cake fall just by looking at it, she had an amazing talent at making cheese. At first she only made it for the family, but Leandra insisted on taking some of Kate's goods with her to the market, she had sold all of them within the first hour and had numerous requests for more. Over the course of time, the demand had been so great that Kate had to purchase two more cows to keep up. Her cheese had come to the attention of Teryn Loghain who demanded to meet Gwaren's celebrated cheese maker and it really was no surprise to Anders that from that meeting, Kate had managed to secure a squire position for Carver and permission for her to practice in the Teryn's sparring rings.

Anders, when not helping Kate make cheese, picked up where Malcolm had left off with Bethany's training. However he moved their practice sessions deep in the Brecilian Forest so not to be discovered.

During this time as much as Anders was in love with Kate, he continued to act and treat her like his sister. He wanted so much more from her, he yearned for her and the times that he had caressed her skin while healing her, he had watched her body tremble under his hand as her eyes flared with desire, but she no longer shamelessly flirted with him, gone were the lighthearted innuendos and suggestive teasing. Anders just didn't know where he stood with her and because she had been through so much, he didn't want to push something more intimate with her, but with each passing year his love, need and desire for her only grew more.

Anders and Bethany walked into the cottage after a long day of spell casting to find Carver in the middle of recounting a story from the Gwaren Castle as Kate waxed her new orders for cheese.

"So Rex then slammed into Derek and said, 'I came in with two and I'm leaving with two or else I'm cutting yours in half and taking it," Carver said dryly as Kate began to laugh.

"Oh my, I wish I could have seen that. Derek is such a pratt," Kate chuckled.

"Who's Derek?" Bethany asked as she stole a slice of cheese.

"Oh another squire that has a thing for Kate," Carver said nonchalantly.

Kate snorted, "Please as if I would be interested in a little boy such as him."

"What do you mean another? How many are there?" Anders asked as he tried to control his jealousy.

"Oh, there's been a few. They are practically lining up around the castle just to get a glimpse of her in the sparring ring," Carver replied.

"And there isn't even one that has caught your eye, Sister?" Bethany asked.

"Maker's balls no, they are all Carver's age. I am not interested in boys, and besides I have a family to care for, so no time to flirt about the town with the local yokels," Kate stated.

"Well that isn't necessarily true, Sister. I did see you having a very in depth and what looked like a very intimate conversation with Bann Richard?"

Anders felt his jaw tighten. "Who the hell is Bann Richard?"

"One of the local land owners, he is very handsome and very available," Bethany cooed.

"Do you ever shut up?" Kate huffed.

"What? Why should I? I'm just looking out for my sister. Don't want her to become an old spinster with dozens of cats."

"I'm a fan of cats and women that have them," Anders said with a grin and Kate winked at him.

"Rumor also has it that Ser Rory asked you to the Fall Harvest Festival. I hope you didn't turn him down too. He is only a few years older than you, a Gwaren knight and he comes from nobility," Carver said.

"Let me be perfectly clear so that you can get these silly rumors out of your head. Bann Richard isn't interested in me. He is interested in Lady Celeste and wanted my opinion on the best way to ask her out. Ser Rory did ask me to the festival, but as I said earlier I am too damn busy to waste my time by going to dances."

Bethany walked up to her sister and grabbed her hands, "Kate, you have shouldered the responsibility of this family for so long that you have forgotten how to have fun. You are only seventeen, you need to go out and enjoy yourself."

"Yes, please do,' cause I can slowly see you turning into a younger version of mother. So please go out," Carver stated.

Kate's eyes widened in horror, "Ouch Brother, talk about a cheap shot."

"Just calling it like I see it."

"I-I already turned him down so maybe next year."

"If you are looking to get out of the house for a while and relax, I would be delighted to take you to the Festival," Anders chimed in.

"Yuk! Who wants to go to a dance with your brother? Talk about pathetic," Bethany snickered.

"Damn Beth, first I'm a crazy spinster cat woman and now I'm pathetic...and you say you love me? Hmph!"

"That's why they call it tough love. Life can't be all moonshine and roses all the time, you know."

"Well here's some tough love for you, butt the hell out of my love life. I am perfectly capable of handling it myself. Just to prove a point, I'm going to this damn dance by myself and I'll bet you a sovereign that I dance with more boys than you" Kate challenged was her eyes sparkled as hint of the old mischievous Kate shined through. Anders had to bite his lower lip to keep from grinning ear to ear.

"A whole sovereign you say…you're on!"

Kate grinned radiantly at her. "Watch and learn, Sister! Watch and learn!"

The festival was a month away and Anders watched completely fascination as Kate set her plan into action. First, she went to the local seamstress, Ms. Thrist, where she successfully bartered two dresses for festival for six months supply of cheese. Out of great concern for Bethany's reputation Kate emphasized the important of keeping Bethany's dress elegant, but modest. However from the description of what Kate wanted modesty seemed to be the furthest thing from her mind for herself.

Next, she put her bartering skills to use with Lady Anora's personal dance instructor. Madame Emma, although a refined and cultured lady, wanted to learn dual weapons. Kate agreed to teach her the basics in return for one month of dance lessons. When Kate wasn't making cheese she was with Emma, dancing into all hours of the night, coming home limping with blisters on her feet begging Anders to heal them. With this much practice she would be an expert in no time.

The night of the Festival had finally arrived. Since both sisters had agreed to go to Festival without a date, Anders and Carver decided it would be wise if they escorted them into the village. Anders sat by the kitchen hearth when Leandra opened her bedroom door and grinned, "I can't believe how grown up my baby girl is."

Bethany walked out in a stunning green and silver damask gown with drop A-line waist that was accented with a black sash, and black stain piping along the sleeves and neckline; from her hips, the material flowed freely to the ground. Anders smiled, it was a form fitting dress, but the bodice was modest and emphasized Bethany's long graceful neck instead of her breasts.

Anders grinned at her, "Bethany, you look absolutely beautiful."

"Yes, sister you clean up very nicely," Carver said.

Anders anxiously looked over Bethany's shoulder trying to catch a glimpse of Kate. As if catching him with his hand in the cookie jar, Bethany gave him a knowing smile. "She isn't in there. She insisted on getting ready on her own."

Leandra walked over to the girls' room and knocked on the door. "Kate, are you almost ready? Everyone is waiting on you."

"I'll be out in a minute," Kate called back.

A moment later the door opened and as Kate walked out Anders breath hitched in his throat as his heart thundered in his chest. "Maker's breath," he sighed.

Kate wore a purple and lavender velvet gown accented in silver. The bodice of the dress scooped low in the front that exposed a silver laced corset underneath. The swells of her breasts were tastefully pushed up which was also sure to remind every man at the Festival that she was not a young girl like her sister. Similar to her sister's dress, Kate's gown hugged her figure tightly, highlighting her very womanly curves. Her dark tresses were pulled up, but she allowed several curls to fall loosely around her face. She was the most breathtakingly beautiful woman he had ever seen and his heart ached for her.

"Who are you and what have you done with my sister?" Carver demanded.

Leandra smiled at her as tears filled her eyes. "I wish your Father could see you now. He would be so proud of the beautiful young woman you have become."

"Now no crying Mother, if you start you will make me cry and then I will have to go redo my make-up."

"Please Mother, stop the tears, Anders and I have been ready for over an hour, I don't think I can take much more," Carver said as he took Bethany's arm and headed out the door.

Anders looped Kate's arm through his as he led her out of the cottage. He leaned in and whispered, "Bethany doesn't stand a chance."

"That isn't why I did all of this," Kate said nonchalantly.

"Oh really, than why did you go to all of this trouble?" She didn't reply she just grinned at him.

"If not for the bet then the only other reason would be because there _**is**_ a boy your interested in," Anders said trying to hide his disappointment.

"You could say that," she said with a smirk.

Anders heart sank. "Is it anyone I know?"

"Oh, yes," she said enthusiastically.

"Really?" Anders said bewildered as he thought about it. "Well it can't be Ser Rory because I've never met him… Hmmm, it's the butcher's son isn't. He is always sending you home with the best cuts of meat."

She grinned and shook her head. "Huh? Not him…okay, how about the new village constable. He is only a few years older than you and he's not bad looking."

"Nope."

Anders was still pondering it when they arrived in village. "Can I have a clue?"

She turned to face him. "Sure, he is the most handsome man I have ever met. He has a wonderful sense of humor. Come to think of it, he the only one that comes even close to my own wit. He is brave and strong. I have seen him battle fiercely to protect those he loves. Even though he has a warrior's heart to defend those he loves, he is the kindest, gentlest man I know."

"Pleassssse, this guy sounds too perfect. He has to have a serious flaw he is hiding from you."

"Oh he does, he lacks the confidence to take what he so desperately wants."

"And what does he want so desperately, if I may ask?"

"Me," she said simply.

"Then he's a moron too" Anders said and then quickly added, "For not taking what he wants."

She grinned at him, "Just remember you said that not me." She paused for a moment then said matter of fact, "I do believe I've been in love with since I first met him."

Anders felt a crushing weight on his chest as her words sank in. She turned away and started for the Festival then almost as an afterthought she called over her shoulder, "Oh and I met him when I was twelve."

Anders felt his head spin as his breathing became ragged and his heart raced. He had trouble comprehending what she had just said. She loved him…she had been in love with him for as long as he had loved her. She thought he was handsome, brave, kind and gentle. He watched her hips sway back and forth as she walked away from him and the thoughts that were going through his mind were far from kind and gentle.

She was several feet away when she spun to face him again. "Are you coming? I plan on dancing the night away and I plan on doing it the arms of the man I love."

"What about the bet with Bethany?"

Kate laughed. "There is no bet. Bethany knew that you would never ask me to the Festival, so we both devised this plan to get you here and Beth got a new dress out of the deal."

Anders rushed her and swept her into his arms. "If you would have just given me a hint or a clue that you felt even half of what I have felt for you, I could have saved you a lot of dance lessons."

"I did give you hints and Bethany dropped clues on you all the time, but I think your need to protect and provide didn't let you see what was right in front of you."

With the soft sounds of the music floating in the night breeze, Anders fingers slid around to the nape of her neck while his thumb rested along her jaw line. He titled her head back so that he could look into her lovely face. The moonlight made her eyes dance and glisten with desire. When he could no longer resist her, he leaned down until their mouths met and he was rewarded with the softest pair of lips he had ever touched. She was so sweet and supple. His mouth moved over hers coaxing them apart, his tongue glided in, tasting her as her tongue greeted him with velvety softness, his head began to spin with want.

She moaned as pressed her breasts against the solid planes of his chest. He wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her against him as his other hand tilted her head back further so he could deepen the kiss. Their thighs pressed into each other and Anders had to bite back a groan. She was intoxicating and he was drowning in the taste of her, the feel of her pressed against him. Maker, he had no idea that one kiss could be so perilous. She was dangerous to his peace of mind, his willpower and self control. He wanted her with such a rapidly growing hunger that if he didn't end this now he wouldn't be able to. He forced himself to pull away from her; he cupped her face and brushed tender loving kisses against her lips, "I love you, Kate."

She pulled back and grinned up at him, "Wow…now that was electric…so that's what it's supposed to be like."

Anders laughed, "Yes, I completely agree, that was amazing and that is how it's supposed to be." Anders kissed her forehead then led her to the Festival so that she could dance the night away.

**A/N - *A huge thank you to those of you, who have favored, alerted and reviewed this story. You make my day so much brighter. I always look forward to hearing your thoughts.**

*******A huge thank to my Beta Guru, Jinxy, for her most excellent skills at making me look good. Thank you for all that you do. You rock, my friend!**


	4. Chapter 4  The Air That I Breathe

**Chapter 4 - The Air That I Breathe**

"If I could make a wish, I think I'd pass, can't think of anything I need  
>No cigarettes, no sleep, no light, no sound, nothing to eat, no books to read<br>Making love with you, has left me peaceful, warm and tired  
>What more could I ask, there's nothing left to be desired<br>Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak, so sleep, silent angel, go to sleep  
>Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe, and to love you<br>All I need is the air that I breathe, yes to love you, all I need is the air that I breathe"

_The Air That I Breathe by The Hollies_

Anders had stoked the fire and added another log to keep the chill out of the damp cave. He then walked over to the front of the cave, checked the strength of the repulsion grafts and when he was satisfied that they remained strong he made his way back toward Kate.

Isabela had complained about being exhausted so Anders volunteered to take first watch, but the extra sleep hadn't helped. She was still restless as she tossed and turned on her bedroll and cried out in her sleep, "But why is the rum always gone?" Anders couldn't help, but smile. Even with all of her faults the pirate had turned out to be a good and faithful friend to Kate.

Varric had been gone for three days and although Anders knew that it would take time for him to find a competent mage, Anders worried about Kate's strength to come back after being caught in the Fade for so long. He hadn't been completely honest with Varric and Isabela when he told them that he missed her heart stopping. Anders was so in tune with Kate's body that he knew when her heart skipped a beat for shock or joy, he could feel when her breath hitched in her throat from excitement or anticipation, and he knew when her body ached from both pain and yearning. So when her heart stopped for those few precious seconds he knew he was losing her and he absolutely refused to let her die. He knew it was a risk, he knew he might have to go into the Fade after her, but he couldn't live in this world without her.

So Anders hoped that if he could reach her on a subconscious level he could keep her tethered to this world and the life she had here. Anders sat down on his bedroll, pulled Kate into his lap and gently brushed the hair out of her face and kissed her forehead.

"Where did I leave off, Love?" He asked. He thought for a moment and then smiled as he recalled one of the most magical nights of his life.

By the time that they had made their way to the center of the village, every citizen within a twenty mile radius had to be packed in to that tiny market. The band had just started another song as Anders took her by the hand, lead her to center where everyone was dancing around a huge bonfire, and he began to twirl and spin her around the fire.

She threw her head back and laughed, "Where did you learn to dance like this?"

Anders grinned at her, "In the Circle, of course."

"Oh, so when you weren't learning magic and foreign languages or kissing girls, you managed to find the time to learn how to dance?"

"Well, I found that girls were much more willing to kiss you if you danced with them first and the better dancer you were the better they seemed to kiss," Anders said with a smirk.

"You already got a kiss from me, so what do you intend to do with me after the dance?"

Anders eyes darkened with desire as a sly grin spread across his face, "Intend…is such a delicious word. Don't you think? It leaves a world of possibilities open for one to imagine."

"Oh, I bet your mind is spinning with endless possibilities right now, but you really got to ask yourself what I might be planning too," Kate replied coyly.

Anders pulled her tight against him and the feel of her breasts pressed against his chest caused his thoughts to scatter for a moment. He quickly gathered himself, leaned in and whispered in her ear, "Do your plans involve me kissing those luscious lips of yours until your knees go weak, until you can't catch your breath as your mind spins out of control because your body is quivering with hunger for me to move my mouth to other areas besides your mouth? Tell me Kate, is that a part of your plan?"

Kate looked up at him, her eyes sparkling with unquenched yearning; her breath was ragged as she spoke, "A-anders, I want…"

"Tell me, Kate, what do you want?" Anders asked breathlessly against her neck and watched as a tremor rippled down her spine.

"Anders, I want you," she sighed into the side of his neck and Anders had suppressed a moan that was in the back of his throat. He had longed to hear those words and dreamt about the day she would utter them.

He spun her away from the crowd to keep preying eyes away as he buried his head against her neck, his tongue swirled and licked a path up to her ear and he gently bit her earlobe and the purr that escaped her lips caused him to become instantly hard.

"Kate," he moaned against her ear. "I have loved you and wanted you for so long. It was your image that pulled me through those long, lonely days at the Circle. I have craved you, ached for you and hoped that you could want me half as much as I want you."

"Anders, I have been in love…"

Before she continued, Anders felt a strong hand rest on his shoulder, frustration surged through him, he spun to confront the intruder and came face to face Teryn Loghain. He smiled at both of them, "Do you mind if I cut in? I would love to dance with Gwaren's famous cheese maker and champion of my sparring ring."

Anders stepped back, "Of course, Your Grace."

"I promise, I won't keep her long and will return her safe and sound," Loghain said warmly.

Anders watched as Loghain danced, talked and laughed with Kate through several songs, but eventually as promised, the Teryn returned Kate to him safely and for the rest of the night she remained only in his arms. Anders continued to dance with her throughout the night and as he twirled her around the fire he saw envy in the eyes of every man there. Anders couldn't help but smile. She was with him, she wanted him and she loved him.

Eventually they were both completely parched, Anders got them two mugs of ale and found a seat near the fire so that they could watch the crowd. Kate was sitting on his lap when Bethany strolled up to them. "Well, I'm glad to see that the plan worked and you finally had the balls to admit your feelings for my sister, Anders."

"Balls! What do you know about balls, little girl?"

"To paraphrase a brilliant mage, 'I'm old enough to know I like them, but young enough to know it would probably be a while before I see them'," Bethany chuckled then quickly added, "And watch who you call little girl!"

Kate giggled, "Be careful, or she might fry your ass."

"Luckily, I always keep a freezing spell handy for occasions such as those."

"If I recall, you once eluded to electricity being your thing. I want to know more about that," Kate said with a sly grin.

"Do you want to hear about it or would you prefer a demonstration?"

Kate's eyes flared with such desire that if Anders hadn't been sitting he was sure his legs would have given out on him. Kate leaned in so that only he could hear her, "Only if it will help you fulfill your promise?"

"Which promise is that?"

"I do believe you promised to make my knees go weak with desire, my breath ragged with want and my body quiver with hunger. Will your demonstration accomplish all of that or is it just your mouth that is so skilled that it has me wet with the anticipation of you?"

Bloody hell she was such a tease…and he absolutely loved that about her. Ander literally felt his heart stop in his chest, his breath hitched in his throat and his brain refused to formulate a rational response. However, the blood in his veins seemed to be functioning perfectly fine because every ounce in his body had flooded into his groin and was feeding the raging erection that was now throbbing in his pants. The thought of her core being wet over him and an image of her glistening curls inviting him in, was more than he could handle.

"Kate…" Anders growled as he tried to gain control of himself. "I want to be a gentleman, I want to be the kind of man you deserve, but if you keep talking like that I can't promise that I can remain in control."

Kate leaned in and whispered, "Anders, _you already are_ the kind of man I deserve. It's you that I want and I'm tired of burying my need for you. I don't want you to be a gentleman. I want you to take me, make me quiver, make me cum… Anders, make love to me."

Anders didn't need to be told twice. He stood up, said good-bye to Bethany, slide his arm around Kate's waist and lead her out of the village, back toward their home.

"Where are we going?" Kate asked.

He smiled at her. "It's warm for a fall night so I thought I would grab a blanket from the barn and we could head down to the creek near the meadow."

Kate smiled, "I love that idea."

Anders gather a blanket while Kate grabbed two bottles of ale from the ice box, then the two of them made their way across the pasture down to the stream. Anders was glad there was a full moon to light their path. He glanced over at her and her cheeks looked flush from anticipation. He knew that on some level she had to be nervous and scared. She had been around warriors in the sparring ring for the past several years and she could talk a good game, but when it came down to it he also knew that she was a virgin. As badly as he wanted to explore every inch of her and bury himself so deeply inside her, he knew he had to take his time with her and make sure that she was comfortable. He loved her; he wanted her first time and their first time together to be special.

Anders found a soft patch of ground and spread the blanket out. They both sat down and nervously sipped at their ale. An awkward silence grew between them and Anders knew he needed to break it before it became uncomfortable.

Anders causally leaned back on his side and rested his weight on his elbow. He gently stroked Kate's arm, she turned to look at him and smiled. "Earlier tonight, the Teryn interrupted something you were saying and I very much would love to hear you finish the sentence."

In the moonlight, Anders could see Kate's brows furrow as she tried to recall he moment. To help jog her memory, he prompted her, "You had started to say, 'Anders, I have been in love…' and then the Teryn asked you to dance."

As recollection dawned on her, a smile spread across her face as her cheeks blushed red. "Oh that…"

With his free arm, Anders reached over and grasped her hand in his. "Tell me, Kate. I really want to know."

She smiled as she looked into his eyes. "I was going to say that I have been in love with you since before I even knew what that meant. From the moment that you became a part of our family, I couldn't imagine my life without you, but when I watched those templars drag you away that day, they took a part of me with them, the part that made me whole. I remained broken until that day that you walked down that path and back into my life. I knew at that very moment that what I felt for you was deeper than brotherly, sisterly love, deeper than the love I saw between my parents, I needed you to survive as surely as I need the air to breath."

Anders reached up, cupped her face and pulled her to him. "I don't think I could have expressed it as eloquently as you, but I have felt the exact same way about you from the moment that I saw you too, Kate."

Anders slid his hand around to the nape of her neck and pulled her down to him, he gently pressed his lips against hers as his tongue tenderly stroked her bottom lip when they parted in a sigh, granting him access to the sweetness of her mouth once again. Kate slipped her fingers into his hair and deepened the kiss as deep half moan, half purr slipped from the back of her throat.

Anders grabbed her around the waist and rolled her onto her back. His lips found hers again. A hot burning sensation raged through him as his tongue slipped into her mouth and her soft velvety tongue intertwined with his, a low moan escaped from her lips and he felt a surge of lust between his legs. Anders deepened the kiss as he pressed his hips against her thigh, letting her know how much he wanted her. She arched against him as a groan escaped his lips as her sweet honey taste filled his mouth.

Anders lips broke from hers as his lips and tongue kissed and licked their way down her neck. The sound of her erratic breathing, the way her body reacted to his touch, excited and thrilled him beyond control. His fingers nimbly undid the laces on her bodice, he gently pushed her dress off of her shoulders, down past her waist and as she lifted her hips, he pushed it down to her feet, where she kicked it away.

Anders eyes roamed over her incredible body. He drank her in like a man that had just crossed a desert and found an oasis. "You are so beautiful, Kat," Anders sighed, his voice dripping with desire.

Even with the dim light of the moon, her skin glowed. It was a perfect golden brown, like warm honey that he couldn't wait to taste. He lowered his head, his mouth covered the tip of her breast he tenderly drew it into his mouth and suck in strong, rhythmic motions that made her cry out his name.

"Oh Kat, I love your breasts," Anders groaned as he dragged his teeth across them. "They are so taut, so firm…" he sucked hard at the rigid peak and she moaned his name again as her hips pushed against him. "…yet so soft…so supple." His tongue lashed at the tender tip with slow, deliberate licks, his mouth drawing on her with the erotic intent.

Her fingers entwined in his hair as his fingers found her other breast and he gently pinched at the peaked orb. He felt deeply satisfied as her body shuddered against his and she moaned with pleasure. His lips sucked as his tongue flicked across her nipples, and Kate arched her back, her shallow, urgent breathes driving him on. He nipped, she gasped, he bit, she moaned so he continued to lovingly torment her until she cried out his name again.

He kissed a path down her stomach; he gently opened her thighs as he feathered tender kisses down one leg and back up the other. His mouth lingered endlessly at the union of her parted legs; he inhaled her sweet, musky scent. He looked up at her beautiful face as she blushed with anticipation and nervousness. "Oh Kat, I want to taste you so badly, but I don't want to rush you. Are you sure you want this?"

Her eyes darkened with yearning as she nodded, "Yes, pleassse Anders."

Without hesitation, Anders dipped his head between her legs then slowly ran the tip of his tongue over her glistening curls to taste her, his body trembled as he savored her, and her essence intoxicated him. He bent his head again and licked her wet folds apart. His tongue swiftly sampled the sweet nectar as he ran his tongue along the length of her sex. Kate whimpered as she arched her hips to meet his mouth. Anders smiled at her enthusiasm, no scared virgin was she. She wanted this as much as he did.

He wrapped his arms around each thigh which allowed him to control her and gave him better access to her moist center. He kissed her lips tenderly at first, slowly allowing his tongue to trace the velvet contours as she writhed beneath the warm embrace of his mastery over her. Kate twisted her fingers into his long blond hair as he delved even deeper, needing to find all the secret places that would make her cry out in sheer bliss. Slowly, his tongue brushed lightly across the tiny swollen pearl, her legs trembled against him, he blew on the taut nub before he tapped it with the tip of his tongue, she moaned out his name as his lips closed over the orb and it was like a chorus of angels singing in his ears. She tried to buck against him, but his arms held her in place.

"Oh Kat…"he licked a nice long stride up and down her sex. "You taste better than I could have ever imagined." He sent a gentle electric pulse through her core, she moaned with pleasure and as he did it again. He tenderly slid two fingers slowly inside her hot center. Maker, she was so incredible tight and as her taut walls enveloped his fingers, he nearly came in his pants. Fuck, what was she doing to him!

He sent out another electric pulse, as he slide in deeper, she moaned and writhed against his tongue as he sucked and teased her, her legs quaked against him as she pulled at his hair, guiding him where she wanted him, she was completely lost in the throes of ecstasy and she never looked or sounded more beautiful. He heard her breath hitch in her throat as she arched her back; he felt her entire body go ridged as the powerful release rushed through her, forcing a loud cry to fall from her lips.

He grinned up at her as he kissed his way up her toned stomach. "How was your first orgasm?"

She slide her arms around his neck and pulled him to her and even with the taste of her still on his lips she kissed him passionately the whispered, "That wasn't my first orgasm, Love."

He raised his head and looked at her and she grinned. "Do you think boys are the only ones that pleasure themselves?"

"I-I…Maker…" his mind was spinning out of control as an image of Kate touching herself drifted across his mind and his erection jumped in his pants, throbbing to be in her. "What did you think about when you were…uhmm to doing that."

Her smile broadened even more. "You, of course and what you just did; my imagination didn't do your skills justice. That…that was incredible."

Anders claimed her lips once again and passionately kissed her. He had never been happier in his life about the _education _that he had received at the Circle. He had wanted his first time to be with Kate, but he was so glad that he had learned enough to make her first time pleasurable, not awkward, memorable not unremarkable.

His need to be inside her was now more than urgent. Anders quickly undressed and as he leaned over her, she ran her hand up his smooth chest. "You are so incredibly handsome. Sometimes, looking at you takes my breath away."

He smiled at her as his fingers curled into her hair, "I feel the exact same way I every time I look at you."

He pressed his lips against her sweet mouth, so warm, so intoxicating as her lips coerced him to open and let her in. She tasted divine as the kiss deepened, hypnotizing him and sending shivers of helpless need through him. The feel of her warm body pressed against his, her hot, wet core pushed into his aching hard-on, he was sinking fast and he wanted to drown himself in her forever. He needed to be in her, needed to feel her around him.

He reached down between them, grabbed his erection and poised at her wet opening. He looked into her eyes, "Are you ready?"

She nodded. "I will try to be as gentle as possible and to lessen the pain as much as I can," Anders said tenderly as he slid his tip inside. His body trembled with the need to surge forward, but he remained in control as he paused, with his hand still between them, he sent a light current of electricity through her body. She moaned as he slid further in and stopped when he felt resistance from the membrane that was still intact. He paused as he looked at her and drank in her need for him.

"Anders, please," she sighed.

Anders sent light freezing spell to numb the tissue, then he sent another current of electricity as he surged forward breaking the sheath. Her nails dug into his back, but she didn't cry out. He hesitated again as she adjusted to the invasion of her body and he relished in the sensation of her hot, tight, wet center wrapped around him. He sank fully into her, taking her virginity as he buried himself completely in her; his body trembled from the pleasure of finally being inside her. He began to move slowly in her, savoring the feel of her silky walls. She was exquisite and she fit him perfectly as if she was made for him. He slowly drew out and then gradually slid back in deep again; he did this over and over again, gently expanding the muscle that surrounded him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him in for a passionate kiss as her body began to move in time with his. Oh Maker, the friction of her body against his was quickly propelling him toward the point of no return.

He watched her as her body quivered against his, she called out his name over and over again, his body blazed with fire. He slid his hand down between where they were joined and his fingers caressed and stroked her pearl until she cried out his name once more as her core spasmed around him, tightening and releasing rhythmically as she pulled him over the edge with her, into pure ecstasy.

Anders shuttered, then collapsed limply on top of her, his shaking arms unable to support his weight as he buried his head against her neck. Inhaling her sweet scent mixed with sex and sweat. She smelled divine. She held him tightly against her, her ragged breath matching his own. Her fingers entwined in his hair. "Anders," she whispered softly.

"Hmmm," he moaned, too tired to speak.

"That was perfect and incredible. I couldn't have asked for a better first time or a more skilled lover," she cooed as she stroked his hair and neck with her nails.

He kissed the side of her neck and gazed into her eyes, "Kat, I love you so much. I am so glad that I was able to make you happy."

She kissed his lips as she purred, "You made me the happiest woman in the world."

Not wanting to move, not wanting to break the magical spell, he pulled part of the blanket over top of them. He slid out of her, but kept his leg entangled with hers as he rested his head beside her. He causally played with her hair as she drifted off to sleep. There wasn't anything he needed. All that he could ever want or need was sleeping beside him and for the first time in his life, he was completely happy, content and at peace.

The next eighteen months were the happiest of Anders' life. He was living with the woman he loved, and with the family that needed him. During that time he and Kate stole as many private moments as they could and they used those times to thoroughly learn the integrate details of each other's bodies and how to completely satisfy the other. He loved and cherished every one of those moments with her. This was what every mage in the Circle dreamed of, but never allowed themselves to hope for and the thought of it all being ripped away from him kept him up at night.

Anders knew that five years in Gwaren was much too long and that he had to leave before the templars caught up with him. However he hated the thought of completely uprooting the family that had made a life here. He tried to convince Kate that he could leave for six months, lead the templars away from here and then come back, but she absolutely refused to even discuss that as an option. She agreed that it was time to move on, that they had lingered far too long in one place, but she said they would leave as a family, that families stick together, no matter what. He had to smile as he recalled Malcolm saying those exact same words to him.

It took a month for them to organize their plans to move to Lothering. Not wanting to field question about their departure for an entire month, Anders had waited until the morning that they were due to leave to head into the village to sell Bessie, one of Kate's prized cows, to help pay for the move. On his return home, Anders felt the veil shift open, as a templar stepped out from behind a tree and before Anders could even react, the templar hit him in the chest with a holy smite spell. Anders fell to the ground in pain from the full impact of the spell as his mana was completely drained. The templars roughly pulled him off of the ground, but he managed to throw the dagger that Kate had given him as a gift onto the side of the trail. He hoped that she would find it and be able to come to the conclusion that the templars had finally caught up with him.

***Thanks again to all of my loyal readers and to everyone that has added this story to their favs and alert lists. I appreciate it. I'm also grateful to everyone that has shared their thoughts and opinions with me. It brings a smile to my face and makes my day!**

***Hugs and Kisses to the Beta Wizard Jinxy for working her magic on this chapter. Thank you for all of your help, advice and most of all your friendship.**


	5. Chapter 5  Everything I Own

**Chapter 5 –****Everything I Own**

"You sheltered me from harm, kept me warm, kept me warm  
>You gave my life to me, set me free, set me free<br>The finest years I ever knew, we're all the years I had with you

And I would give everything I own, I'll give my life, my heart, my home  
>I would give everything I own just to have you back again, just to touch you once again.<p>

You taught me how to love, what it's of, what it's of  
>You never said too much, but still you showed the way<br>And knew I was watching you, nobody else will ever know, the part of me that can't let go"

_Everything I Own by Bread_

"Anders!" Isabela hissed in a quiet tone as she shook his shoulder. "Anders, damn it wake-up!"

Anders jolted awake, sat up and looked at a started Isabela. "What is it?"

"Ssssh, there are several Starkhaven Knights sniffing around the cave entrance. Will those graphs hold?"

"They should, but if they are persistent there is a possibility they could break through. Quickly put out the fire," Anders instructed as he gathered all of their belongings and moved them toward the back of the cave. When Isabela returned to his side he cast a concealment charm over them. They stood in silence for several minutes before they heard voices approaching their location.

"Damn it, I guess they were persistent," Isabela hissed as he heard her unsheathe her daggers.

"Don't make any sudden moves. Just be patient," Anders whispered.

Four knights walked into their hidden area. The captain of the knights walked over to the recently extinguished fire and examined it. "By th' looks ay things. Ah believe they left in a hurry and very recently."

"Weel they cooldn't hae gotten far if they jist left," a tall burly man said.

"If they left at aw," the captain replied as he scanned the room. "If th' mage still lives he coods be concealin' them."

Anders held his staff ready to defend Kate to the death if necessary, but he didn't want it to come to that. He didn't know if these knights were just a rogue group or if they were reporting back to someone. He didn't have to wait long before he got his answer.

"I dorn't understand, th' Prince is deid. Why arenae we headin' back tae Starkhaven?" a gruff looking knight asked.

"'Cause that mage an' his bitch killed uir Prince; it was Sebastian's wish tae see them deid an' Ah plan oan honorin' his lest wish," the captain replied.

"_Well that's just what they need; another crusader with a vendetta," Anders thought. _

Anders leaned toward Isabela and whispered, "I believe they are acting alone. I'll take care of the Captain and the gruff looking knight near him. Can you take care of the other two?"

"Give me a minute to get into place then zap them with all you got," Isabela replied.

"Okay."

The knights continued to look around the cave for any signs of life. Anders counted to fifty and prayed that was enough time for Isabela to get into place.

"Let's heed back towards th' main road and…"

Anders froze the Captain with a cone of cold. He immediately turned to the nearby knight and petrified him. He glanced over at Isabela and was glad to see she was holding her own. Anders hit the captain with a walking bomb spell and then the other knight with a stonefist. The second guard crumbled to the floor, but the Captain quickly recovered and started to advance towards him. Anders rapidly fired several fireballs at the knight. It slowed him down, but didn't stop him. Anders cast a crushing prison that stopped captain in his tracks. He checked on Isabela, threw a healing spell at her then continued to cast fireballs at the Captain until he collapsed.

"Those damn Starkhaven knights are hearty men and damn hard to kill. Makes you wonder what they are like in bed," Isabela said.

Anders raised an eyebrow, "You've never slept with a man or woman from Starkhaven? I find that hard to believe."

"Well, that's the thing, I got really drunk with a knight from Starkhaven once, but I was too drunk to remember if we did the deed or just passed out in my bed," Isabela chortled.

"And now your curiosity is just dying to find out, isn't?"

Isabela grinned, "Aaah, Anders. You know me too well."

"I don't think that is necessarily a good thing."

"Well we can't stay here and wait for Varric. About a mile south of here Varric and I spotted a cabin when we were hunting for dinner. It looked deserted or maybe it was just used for hunting in the winter. Anyways, that might be a good place to head," Isabela suggested.

"I agree, but there is no way I can carry her for an entire mile. We need to see about making a stretcher and we need to leave some kind of encrypted message for Varric so he knows where to find us."

"You work on the stretcher and I will work on the message."

An hour later just as the sun rose over the mountain tops, they were ready to go. Anders looked at Isabela's message and smiled.

"_This place isn't as homey as I thought it would be. Home should be a place where you feel warm and safe, surrounded by strong, warm wood, rather than hard, cold stone." _

Anders sealed the message with fire causing the blackened words to stand out against the light gray stone. They would come back every few days to check and make sure Varric didn't misunderstand the message. Between pulling Kate and hauling all of their gear, it took several hours for them to reach the cabin. They swiftly set up the cabin, gathered wood and started a fire. Isabela started to cook dinner while Anders took care of Kate. After he examined her and realized there was no change, he pulled her into his arms and continued telling her their story.

Since Anders' last escape from the Circle, they had definitely implemented tough security measures. Anders made three attempts to escape before he finally succeeded three years later. He took the same precautions as he had last time to keep the templars from following him to Lothering. Six months later he finally made it to the sleepy little town. It didn't take long before he learned where the Hawkes were staying. He hastily made his way to the cottage they were staying at, just outside of the village.

Anders' body was literally humming with anticipation. He couldn't wait to see her, to touch her and kiss her. For three years he had yearned for her and dreamed of her and he prayed that after three years she still felt the same way. After his second unsuccessful escape he had lost hope of ever seeing her again. He still loved her, still ached for her, but he tried to drown his despair in numerous, meaningless affairs. It had been in the arms of his last lover, Neira Surana, who had convinced him that if he truly loved Kate that he had to try one last time to be with her.

Anders smiled when he thought about Neira. She was a tiny, beautiful, powerful mage and she hated the Circle and templars as much as he did. She was sharp witted and sharp tongued and if he hadn't given his heart away years ago he could have really loved Neira, but she was a smart woman and she knew only one woman would ever have his heart. Which was why she had encouraged him to go find Kate.

Anders started down the cobblestone path that led to the tiny house when he heard a loud squeal and his name being yelled. He spun around and saw a tall shapely woman with dark black hair running towards him.

He smiled, "Bethany! Maker, I can't believe how big… how shapely you've become."

Bethany leaped into his arms and hugged him. He returned the hug and kissed her cheek before stepping away from her.

"Is that a compliment? If so that is the worst one I've heard you give or are you saving all of your best lines for my sister."

Anders smiled, "You're right. I can do much better. I apologize, my Lady," Anders said as he bowed. "Bethany, permit me to say that the years have been very kind to you and you have grown into a beautiful woman. I am sure Kate is beating the men off of you with a stick."

Bethany gave a sad grin that caused his heart to race with panic. "She tries."

Anders brow furrowed as he looked around. "Where is Kate?"

"Aaah, Anders why don't you come in. Let me fix you a cup of tea. You must be exhausted from your trip and…"

"Bethany, where is Kate?"

"Uhmm, well have you heard about the darkspawn troubles south of here in the Korcari Wilds?"

"Yes, even though I have been dodging templars for the past six months I still have managed to hear about the darkspawn uprising."

"Well King Cailan has put together an army to confront the growing number of darkspawn. Teryn Loghain asked Kate and Carver to join his soldiers in Ostagar."

"And of course Kate said yes. I'm sure she thought fighting darkspawn would be a grand adventure and while she's at it, she might as well drag her little brother with her to confront these monsters," Anders sneered in frustration.

"The two of them have been gone for over a month, but honestly she couldn't make Carver stay even if she had wanted too. There was no way he was going to be left behind."

"Has she gone fucking insane?"

Bethany nervously bit at her lower lip as was the Hawke family trait.

"What happened?" He demanded.

"Anders you have to understand when you disappeared…"

"Disappeared? I was captured by the templars."

"That is what we assumed at first, but no one knew for sure, there was no trace of you. Then four days after your disappearance, Kate found your dagger on the trail. She went blazing out of the barn on horseback after you….ready to take on however many templars there were that took you…she was gone for a month. She tracked you all the way to the Circle, but the templars were always a day or two ahead of her."

Bethany paused as she shook her head in frustration. "She missed the boat that took you back to the Circle by an hour…when she returned she wasn't the same. She drank…a lot. She fought with mother constantly and she spent days at Teryn Loghain's castle fighting in the sparring ring until she passed out from exhaustion. Even Carver was afraid that she had lost her mind and that boy never worries about anything, especially Kate."

Anders felt sick to his stomach. He had always assumed that Kate would go on with life as normal while she waited for him to return.

"She had to have known that I would come back for her. She had to have believed that," Anders sighed.

"At first yes she did, but as months turned into years and the years continued to pass by without even a word that you were alive, she lost hope. She didn't know if you were alive or dead and her own will to live began to fade."

Anders head was spinning. He had been such a fool. While in the Circle, he had held onto the security that she would be fine. The knowledge that she had her family, that she would be safe was what helped him sleep at nights, but she didn't have that same reassurance. He never imagined that she thought he was dead, but what other conclusion could she have draw without even a word to the contrary. He was such an idiot. Fuck! He felt so hopeless.

"So Ostagar is a suicide mission for her; she has gone there to get herself killed, right?"

"I don't think she is looking at it like that. I think she views it as her duty to serve her King and defend her country and if she dies doing that, then so be it."

"Motherfucker!" Anders screamed as he paced around pondering this whole fucked up situation. "I have to go to her. I have to go to her now!"

"Anders, the latest reports coming out of Ostagar are that they are only days away from the major battle. You'll never make it in time," Bethany cried out.

"If she feels that she had nothing left to live for and is willing to give up her life for Maker and country, she needs to know that I'm alive. That I came back for her."

"If you're going after her, let me pack you some food and water first," Bethany said as she headed into the house.

An hour later on a full stomach, Anders was on the road that led into the Korcari Wilds. After he had spent most of the day walking, he found a good location to set-up camp for the night. Once he had started a fire and had eaten, he pulled out the letter that Bethany had given him. It was from Kate and at the time he hadn't trusted himself not to break down in front of Beth, then once he was on the road he didn't want to rush through it, so he waited until now to read her words.

_My dearest Love,_

_I miss you so much, Anders. I miss running my fingers through your soft hair. I miss your infectious laugh and your silly jokes. I miss that sparkle in your eyes when I suggest something that will get us in trouble, but you know we will have a lot of fun doing it. I miss the way you always smell of spices and woods infused with magic. It's a scent that is so uniquely you that I have taken to falling asleep with your shirt just to have you near me. I miss your mouth – the loving and tender words that you spoke, the feel of your soft lips pressed against mine or as they gently caressed my skin. I miss your body and the way that it fit perfectly with mine as if we were made for each other. _

_I wish more than anything, Anders, that you and I could grow old together, love together, laugh and learn together forever. What we had was the kind of love that other people only dream about. Even though it wasn't nearly long enough, I am so grateful for the time that we did have together. No matter what the future brings it's important to me for you to know that you are an irreplaceable spirit that has changed me and will always be a part of me. _

_I will love you always and forever,_

_Kate_

Anders wiped the tears from his eyes as he read her letter three more times before he eventually fell asleep clutching the letter to his chest. He woke the following morning even more determined to get to her. He pushed himself hard all day long and he knew he was close when he saw clouds of smoke billowing over the hilltops. He passed numerous groups of people fleeing and all of them looked at him as if he was crazy for heading in the direction that he was.

He had stopped to rest against a rock and sipped some water when he heard a loud scream from both a man and a woman from the woods behind him. He pulled his staff off of his back and rushed toward commotion. He entered a clearing to find a merchant with a sword drawn, standing in front of his wife, ready to defender her as three darkspawn descended upon them. Unfortunately, the merchant looked about as comfortable with a sword in his hand as hooker would dressed in white on her wedding day.

Anders cast tempest fury at the advancing darkspawn causing them to halt long enough for Anders to rapidly cast firebolts and stonefist spells, knocking the genlock to the ground. He swiftly drank a bottle of lyrium before cast a crushing prison and petrify spell. Once frozen in place, Anders grabbed the sword out of the merchant's hand permanently removed the beasts' heads.

"Oh, thank you, Ser, I honestly don't think I could have handled all three of those monsters by myself," the merchant declared.

Anders had to stifle a laugh. This guy couldn't go three rounds with a wet noodle, let alone take on even one darkspawn.

The merchant's wife who was obviously used to her husband's over exaggerations grasped Anders hand and vigorously shook it. "Thank you so much for your aid. We are extremely grateful. We had tried to leave yesterday afternoon, but the King refused to let anyone leave the camp after a certain point and we missed our window. We barely escaped once it was obvious that the battle was not going well and the King had been killed."

"Wait the battle is over?"

"Yes Ser, it was fought last night," the wife explained.

"And Cailan is dead!" Anders demanded.

The merchant looked sorrowful. "They are all dead, Ser."

Anders staggered back. "What do you mean they are all dead?"

"Teyrn Loghain withdrew his troops instead of engaging. Everyone that remained was slaughtered," The merchant stated.

"Loghain retreated…he wouldn't do that. I knew him. He was a man of honor…he wouldn't do that," Anders muttered as he tried to comprehend the information.

"I'm sorry, but he did," the wife replied as she handed Anders a bottle of wine, a loaf of bread and some cheese. "This is for your aid. We truly appreciate it, but we need to get out of here."

Anders nodded as he slumped against a tree as the words "slaughtered" and "all dead" marched across his mind, but then he realized something. "Excuse me, you said Loghain withdrew his troops. Do you know where they went?"

"Oh, well last night they made camp about five miles north of here, but I am sure that they have moved on since then," the merchant replied.

"Thank you," Anders said as he headed in the direction that the man pointed. He alternated between walking and jogging and nearly collapsed by the time he found the camp. Loghain had as Anders suspected left part of his army behind while pressing forward with the majority of his troops.

Anders wondered through the camp looking for a familiar face…someone that he might recognize from Gwaren. He saw a man that resembled the boy Derek that was a squire with Carver. Anders rushed up to him, "Excuse me are you…"

"Hey, aren't you Anders?"

"Yes, I am. You're Derek, right?"

"Yes."

Thank the Maker, Derek was with the Gwaren troops then Kate would be too. "Where's Kate?" Anders asked.

The boy's face went pale and his eyes went wide, "Aaah…well…Kate…"

"Spit it out, where is she?"

"Umhmm, well she disobeyed Loghain's orders. She refused to quit the field, she refused to leave the King…she…she has to be dead. No one could have survived that massacre."

Anders felt his heart shatter into a thousand shards, he grabbed the sides of his head in anguish as he fell to his knees. "No…no…no she can't be dead. You're wrong…she can't be dead."

Derek knelt in front of him, "I'm so sorry, Anders. I really am."

Anders couldn't even really process what the boy was saying because there was this loud scream coming from the distance, drowning out Derek's words and causing Anders' head to hurt. Derek violently shook his shoulders. When he looked up into the soldier's face, Anders realized he was the one screaming. Tears rolled down his face as grief overwhelmed him.

"I'm sorry. I know that you were close with her. Kate was a wonderful person, fiercely loyal. She was the bravest person I had ever met. When most of the men were nearly pissing themselves, but not Kate; she was courageous and inspired all those around her. Anders, you would have been proud of her."

Anders knew the young man was just trying to offer him words of comfort, but he really couldn't focus on a damn thing he was saying.

Derek offered Anders a hand and helped him to his feet. "There is an extra tent over here. You can spend the night there. I'm sure no one will mind. I will bring you something to eat and some ale."

Anders slumped down on the cot. "Thank you," he muttered, unable to really concentrate on what Derek was telling him. Anders watched him leave the tent. Sometime later, Anders didn't know how long, Derek returned with the promised food and ale and left again. Unable to focus, Anders just stared at the food for the longest time before he pushed it on the ground and crawled up into a fetal position on the cot and went to sleep.

The next morning, Anders woke up with his eyes nearly swollen shut. He must have cried in his sleep. Anders thought of Derek's words, "wonderful, loyal, brave". That boy had no idea; she was all of those things and so much more. The thought that he would never see her again, never hold her or hear her laugh at one of her own jokes gripped his heart so suddenly and with such an intense pain that Anders was certain he was having a heart attack. He gripped his chest and forced himself to take long, slow and deep breaths.

Once calm, Anders pulled himself off of the cot and got dressed. His head was fuzzy as if he had been drinking, but to his knowledge he hadn't had a thing to drink and there was this crushing weight on his chest that was only growing worse. This had to be what they meant by crippling grief, but he forced himself to move. He needed to let Leandra and Bethany know what had happened to Kate and Carver.

The trip to Lothering was more trying then he had anticipated. He was barely one step ahead of the darkspawn the entire time. When he had arrived in the village most of it was burning to the ground. Anders raced to the cottage and found it deserted. By the looks of things, they had packed what they could carry and left quickly. Anders wasn't one for praying, but he said a hasty prayer for the only family he had left and for their safety.

**xxXxx**

Over the next year, Anders wondered through Ferelden mostly in a fog as grief and guilt consumed him. Somehow, despite his heartache, he always managed to stay one step ahead of the bloody templars. They obviously didn't get the message that the country was on the brink of civil war and oh yeah there is an archdemon running around the country side. He was in the City of Amaranthine about to board a ship to Kirkwall when that bitch Rylock had finally caught up with him. He had heard that Neria had been named the new Warden-Commander. So Anders made his way to Vigil's Keep with the hopes that Neria would have mercy on an old friend and lover and give him shelter until Rylock gave up and went home. As it turned out, that wasn't one of his more brilliant ideas. Not only did she give him shelter, but she conscripted him into the Grey Wardens. Thanks old friend!

During the next six months, Anders fought darkspawn and broodmothers relentlessly at Neria's side and it felt good that he had a purpose once again. The constant movement and action helped Anders keep his mind off of Kate and all that he had lost. The only downside to the Wardens was the Deep Roads. He had to admit he really hated them. They made him claustrophobic and it immediately took him back to the times that he had spent in solitary confinement. Thank the Maker for Neria. She was his saving grace through those horrible months. Together the two of them found comfort in each other once again. She helped heal his soul from the loss of Kate and he helped heal her heart after Alistair had broken it.

Along the way, he had made some very interesting friends. At first he wasn't so sure he would ever warm up to Nathaniel Howe. The rogue's stoic manner and obvious hostility toward Neria was an immediate turn off, but the more that he got to know the ex-noble, the more he could understand the man's need for justice and when he had realized the true nature of his father, he found the man's burning desire to restore honor to his family's name, not for himself, but for his sister and her unborn child, admirable.

He also found both of the dwarves entertaining in two very different ways. To his surprise, he found that Sigrun enjoyed reading. The two of them had lengthy conversations about books and which stories they found the most fascinating. Oghren's brazen bravado just made him laugh and if he ever needed a pint he was the dwarf to go to.

He avoided the dalish elf, Velanna and her poisonous venom all together. He found that he most connected with Justice which was kind of ironic since the spirit inhabited a rotting, stinking corpse, but the Spirit truly tried to understand the plight of mages. He also challenged Anders and called him out for not doing more to help his fellow brothers and sisters. There was a time that Anders would have argued more adamantly that he had done all that he could without being forced back into the Circle, but he knew that would have been a lie. When Justice told him that apathy was weakness, Anders had made a joke that death was too, but the Spirit's words had struck a deep cord. There had been a time that he would never have put his life on the line to help the plight of the mages because he had too much lose, but with the one person gone in this life that truly mattered, he really didn't have anything to lose. So the more he and Justice talked about changing the world, making society see the injustice and inhuman treatment of mages, the more Anders was willing to risk.

Then the opportunity to change the world presented itself when both Anders and Justice fell during the battle at Vigil's Keep. They had met in the Fade and Justice had presented him with a choice.

"Anders, you have shown me a huge injustice that must be rectified. Together we can change the Thedas. Together we can create a world where magic is viewed as a gift not a curse; a place where it is seen as a thing of wonder not something to be feared. Anders, do you have the courage to accept my offer? Do you have the boldness to walk this path with me?"

Anders knew what the Spirit was asking. He knew Justice needed a living host and even though it went against everything that he had ever been taught, the offer was extremely tempting. To create a world with no Circle, no templars, no need to run, no one ever again being pulled away from their families, separated and unable to protect those they loved. Anders had once heard a bard singing in a local tavern and line from her song had always strung a cord with him, 'Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose'. With that lyric in his mind, he accepted the Spirit's offer, invited Justice in and regretted it the instant that they merged. Something wasn't right…something was very wrong…very fucking wrong as the anger that had always simmered at low boil now roared through his head, changing him, changing Justice…warping them both.

Anders looked around at the charred clearing, at the dead bodies of templars and wardens at his feet. Anders ran his hand through his hair as fear gripped his heart. He had no idea how he had killed these men, but he knew beyond a doubt that he had. The remains that were scattered around him were not the result of a skirmish, but the aftermath of a massacre perpetrated by him.

Anders wept at the horror before him. This was not him, this was not what he had wanted. This wasn't Justice either. This was not his friend. Fuck! What had he done? What had he become?

A cold voice spoke in his head, _"They hated us, now they are dead. They feared us, now they are dead. They hunted us and now they are dead. They will all die…every templar, every holy sister who stands in the way of freedom for all mages will die. We will have our Justice. We will have our Vengeance!"_

"No!" Anders cried out. "This isn't what I wanted!"

Anders looked around at the carnage before him. He knew he couldn't stay here. He couldn't remain with the Wardens, but he didn't know where to go. As Anders made his way out of the forest he had never felt more alone and isolated in his life.

**A/N – Jennifer Helper who wrote Anders in Dragon Age II penned a short story to accompany the game, which focuses around his possession by ****Justice****. I used that as the inspiration for Anders and Justice in this chapter and an upcoming chapter. Here is her story if you haven't read it.** .../u/f/eagames/bioware/dragonage2/assets/content/world/short_

***I want to thank you everyone that has added this story to your favs and alert lists. The response has been awesome and I am pleased as punch that you like it. To everyone that has taken the time to write a review, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me. They always bring a smile to my face.  
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***I would like to thank Beta Goddess Jinxy for her mad crunk beta skills and for her friendship and support. You're the best and I am blessed to have you in my life!**


	6. Chapter 6 Fire and Rain

**Chapter 6- Fire and Rain**

"I've seen fire and I've seen rain, I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end  
>I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I'd see you again<br>Won't you look down on me, Jesus, you've got to help me make a stand  
>You've just got to see me through another day, my body's aching and my time is at hand<br>And I won't make it any other way"

_Fire and Rain by James Taylor_

Anders realized that Kate had been wearing the same filthy clothes since the skirmish with Sebastian. He went through her bag, pulled out clean clothes then filled a water basin with warm water. He tenderly removed the old grimy clothes, washed her and then dressed her in a clean fresh night shirt.

From the doorway Isabela said, "You're so gentle with her."

"Why wouldn't I be? I love her." Anders looked up and saw the questioning look in her eyes. "Just because I blew up a Chantry doesn't mean I'm incapable of showing kindness and love."

"I wasn't even referring to that. The two of you… have a volatile history. I've seen the both of you show unfathomable love and compassion for one another. I've also seen the two of you break each other's hearts."

"The two of us are very strong willed, stubborn people with strong beliefs. Ninety-five percent of the time we are in agreement, but that other five percent when we disagree can be explosive."

Isabela chuckled. "Can be? You blew up a Chantry for Maker's sake…yes I would call that explosive."

Anders looked sad as he brushed her long black hair out of her face. "I didn't blow up a Chantry because Kate and I disagreed. I…I blew up the Chantry to show the world that slavery is wrong."

"Calling mages slaves is a little extreme."

"Oh really? The definition of a slave is a person who is the property and wholly subjected to another where that person or in the case of mages that institution has entire domination and influence over a person. To me that pretty much sums up the Chantry, templars and mages. They fear us so they enslave us. Blowing up the Chantry was an extreme measure, but it was only through a radical course of action that the world would see how wrong their oppression is."

"Anders, you have to know that it wasn't you blowing up the Chantry that hurt Kate so deeply. It was your deception; it was you making her look like a fool in front of all of Kirkwall, but even more importantly to her, in front of her friends and allies. You plotted and schemed right under her nose and not once did you trust her enough to let her in."

"I didn't want to involve her. I didn't want her to be accused of being an accomplice."

"You lived with her!" Isabela yelled. She drew a deep breath to calm herself. "Anders, you're a smart man and you are far from naïve. You had to know that your association with her would make her guilty by association. For that reason alone you should have told her what you were planning."

"And if she tried to stop me?"

"I honestly don't believe that she would have. She loves you. Despite the fact that you're possessed by a vengeance demon…"

"He isn't a demon. He's a Fade Spirit."

"No, I'm sorry anyone who can convenience you to blow a building with a bunch of innocent people in is a demon, but that isn't the point. Kate loves you even with all of your numerous flaws. If she had tried to stop you it would have been because she saw problems with your plan. She is a brilliant strategist. She would have only improved your plan…You said ninety-five percent of the time you and Kate are on the same page. When are you going to learn to trust her instincts, skills and knowledge the other five percent of the time?"

Anders smiled sardonically. "It's taken almost twenty-five years, but I am starting to slowly come to that conclusion on my own."

"Slow learner. I figured that out within the first five minutes that I met her," Isabela said dryly as she turned and left the room.

Anders laughed as he stroked Kate's face. "She is so right, Love. I would have saved us both a lot of heartache if I had only trusted you more."

Anders had been in Kirkwall for five months and during that time he had managed to set-up a free clinic in Darktown and he had learned how to control Justice…somewhat. Well at least there weren't any more massacres so he considered that progress. Except for his assistant that he had at the clinic, he kept to himself for the most part. To him this was the wisest choice, besides being a wanted apostate and away from the wardens, he felt that in order to keep people safe he needed to limit his interactions with others. It was a lonely existence, but this was the life that he had chosen for himself. Now he had to live with consequences of his decisions. However in his darkest hours when he was alone at night, he thought about Kate. He thought about all the times that he had shared with her. He missed her desperately and he imagined what it would be like to finally be reunited with her in the Fade.

It was a good thing that he had the clinic. It kept his mind distracted, busy and the work that he did seemed to please Justice. However the Spirit consistently lamented that he wasn't doing enough. So Anders kept long hours so that by the time he eventually fell into bed he was too exhausted to think or listen to Justice's long list of his inadequacies.

It was a hot spring morning as Anders made his way through the market toward the stall that had the herbs he needed for a potion he was working on. That was one of things that Anders did enjoy about Kirkwall…the warmer climate. The warm sun had actually begun to bring some color back into his pale skin. As he made his way over to his favorite merchant, a woman brushed past him. A second after she had passed, the scent of Ferelden Jasmine inundated his sense. His mind immediately went to thoughts of Kate. That was the scent of the soap and shampoo that she had always used. He was immediately flooded with a feeling of homesickness and urgent longing for the love of his life.

Anders whipped around looking for the woman that had past him, but there were dozens of women in the market and he had no idea who had gone by him, but he had longed to hold onto the scent and those memories. Eventually, Anders made his way over to the stall he needed with thoughts of Kate saturating his mind as he thought about the feel of her neck as he nuzzled against her breathing her in, the taste of her skin against his tongue. It had been almost two years since her death, but he still ached for her.

He purchased what he needed and turned to leave almost colliding with a young woman that darted past him. Her profile was striking and so familiar and when the smell of jasmine hit his nose again, he knew he had to follow her. He watched her short black hair gracefully weave through the crowd; he tried to keep up with her, but lost her in the maze of shoppers and stalls. When he couldn't find her he knew it was time to head back to clinic.

He spent the rest of the day mixing up potions while his assistant, Tanner, waited on patients with minor ailments and only called Anders for the more serious cases. After they had finished with a severe cut to the leg that had nicked an artery; the young man was lucky that he hadn't bled out before he arrived at the clinic. Anders helped Tanner clean up the gauze, blood and mess.

"So have you heard about the newest ruffian to take over Lowtown and Darktown," Tanner asked.

Anders laughed, "Those goon leaders change with wind, how can you even keep up with who is leading who."

"Well it does pay to know who is in charge and then stay clear of them, but Hawke is making an impression all over Kirkwall. I've even heard her name mentioned in Hightown…"

"Wait? What did you say this person's name was?" Anders asked.

"Aaah, Hawke."

"This Hawke person doesn't have a first name?"

"That is her first name…actually I think it's her only name."

"And you know for a fact that this Hawke is a woman," Anders asked.

"Oh yeah, she is definitely a woman. I've seen her and Maker, I didn't know they came built like that," Tanner said.

"What does she look like?"

"She's tall, extremely shapely…."

His description was interrupted when a man and woman rushed in with a small boy in their arms. "Please, you have to help…my son," the woman cried out.

"Bring him here," Anders said as he pointed to a table. Anders quickly examined the boy and determined that his appendix was about to burst.

"Tanner, please bring several vials of lyrium. I have a feeling I'm going to need them."

Tanner did as instructed as Anders started to heal the boy, but he was too late and the organ burst. The boy screamed in pain as Anders scrambled to contain the poison and keep it from leaking into his blood stream. Anders worked diligently and swiftly, but it took all of his strength and then some as he went through several bottles of lyrium to save the boy. He thought at one point he had almost lost the boy until the boy jolted up as he gasped for breath.

Anders turned away from the table, rested his hand against the wall as he bent over, trying to regain some of his strength. He heard the door of the clinic open and he felt something familiar... something magical entered the room. He spun around, his staff at the ready. "I have made this a place of healing and salvation. Why do you threaten it?"

Standing before him was a fierce looking mabari, a gingered hair warrior, a dwarf with nasty looking cross bow and behind the dwarf was the source of the magic…Bethany. Anders' heart leapt with joy at the sight of his sister. She was alive and she had made it out of Ferelden. She had to be the Hawke that Tanner had referred to. He smiled warmly at her, "Bethany," he sighed.

Before she could reply, from behind the warrior stepped a tall raven haired beauty whose sapphire eyes sparkled when they locked on his. His heart froze in his chest as his head began to spin. Maker's breath he had to be seeing a ghost. She couldn't be real. Tears filled his disbelieving eyes.

"K-kate…" was all he could say before she flung herself into his arms.

"Anders!" She exclaimed as tears rolled down her cheeks.

He grasped her face and held it in front of him. "Are you real?" She nodded vigorously.

"I thought you were dead." He kissed her forehead.

"I went after you." His lips kissed a path to her cheeks.

"But they told me you refused to obey Loghain's orders and that you stayed to fight." His mouth moved across her face and down her neck. He buried his head against her neck as he breathed in the scent of Ferelden Jasmine.

"Everyone at Ostagar died… how did you survive?" But he didn't give her time to answer as his lips crushed down on hers. Her lips parted, he swept into her mouth. The silkiness of her tongue glided over his and they danced together intoxicating him with the sweet taste of her mouth. Kate pressed her warm body against his and a moan escaped his lips as he realized that for the first time in five years that he was once again whole.

"By my ancestor's sweet ass, I can't wait to hear the background on this story," the dwarf chuckled.

Remembering that they weren't alone she pulled away from him and he immediately missed the warmth of her embrace. He wanted her back in his arms, he wanted to kiss her, touch her, taste her all over. He couldn't believe she was alive.

"Carver and I barely escaped with our lives that day, but there will be plenty of time to recount old tales…"

"Damn straight about that Hawke, I want to hear all about it over several pints," the dwarf said.

"Anders, let me introduce everyone. The dwarf that is fascinated with my life story is Varric. The quiet stoic warrior is Aveline. You already know your sister…"

"Wait! Wait one bloody minute, Sunshine is Anders' sister, wouldn't that make you Anders' sister too," Varric asked.

"Not in the slightest," Anders stated.

"I don't know what goes on in your family, Varric, but where I come from you don't kiss your sister the way Anders just kissed me," Kate chuckled.

"I'm confused," Varric said.

"That makes two of us," Aveline said.

Both Anders and Kate just grinned at each other.

"And who is your furry friend," Anders asked.

"Oh, this is Mr. Gordo," Kate said and Anders smiled at the name.

"I'm glad some things never change," Anders said.

Kate turned to the rest of the group, "Could you give Anders and I some time to catch up?"

"It's getting late, Kate. Mom is expecting us for dinner," Bethany said.

"Tell mom, I found Anders and we are catching up. I will keep Gordo here with me to guard me and keep me safe on the way home."

"Fine," Bethany grumbled as she headed out the door with the rest of the group.

Once they were gone, Anders closed and locked the door. He didn't want anyone barging in and interrupting them. Not to mention, he honestly didn't think he could concentrate on healing anyone at the moment anyway.

He turned and looked at her. Maker she had grown into an incredibly beautiful woman. She had grown taller, but still managed to maintain all of her perfectly rounded curves. She had cut her long hair and now wore it short, but it only emphasized the stunning features of her face. Her eyes still captivated him as they danced over him as she did the same appraisal. Honest to the Maker, he had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

He stared at her for a long moment as years of wanting, needing and yearning coursed through him. Her eyes darkened with the same desire. He rushed at her, pulled her into his arms and kissed her. The feel of her velvety lips on his caused him to burn with hunger for her. He moved her backwards, slamming her against the wall, their mouths not once breaking the contact, she moaned as she slid her hands under his shirt, resting them on his bare skin, setting fire to it. His hands slid down her waist to her thighs, he cupped them, and with his thigh he spread her legs apart so that he could step between them. He pressed his already hard cock against her core, she trembled against him.

"Oh fuck…"she moaned as he moved his lips down her cheek till he reached her neck, he sucked at the pulse that was beating rapidly near the base of her neck. Blood coursing through her veins, making her alive… alive and back once again in his arms where she belonged.

She groaned as she pulled his hair and forced him to look at her. "You're real…right? I'm not hallucinating."

"Let me show you how real I am," Anders growled as he thrust his hips into her, another growl tore from his throat at the pleasure that ran through his body. She arched her back as she rubbed herself against him creating the most delicious friction. She tugged at his shirt; he pulled back while she yanked his shirt off.

She looked up into his eyes as she licked her lips, he smirked at her as he grabbed the front of her shirt, ripped it apart, baring her chest to him. Her eyes blazed with hunger.

He wrapped an arm around her waist as he pulled her in closer, her lacy black breast band being the only thing that separated their skin, but he remember the delectable breasts that were hidden beneath and he couldn't wait to reacquaint his mouth with them. His hands slid up as he undid the laces of the band and he let if fall to the ground. He was once again looking at the most luscious pair of breasts he had ever seen. He reached up and cupped them in his hands as he ran his thumbs over the taut nipples. Kate moaned at his touch as she leaned her head back to rest against the wall.

Anders' hands slid up so that he could cup her face. He kissed her forehead, her nose to her cheeks. "You're s-so beautiful," he moaned as he caressed her skin with his lips as kissed his way down her neck, breathing in the scent of jasmine.

"M-maker, I can't believe you're here." He worked his way back up to her mouth. "I love you, Kate," moaned against her lips.

"I love you too, Anders," she sighed as she pressed her hips against his hard erection. "But…I need…I need to feel you in me…to know it's you…to know this…you aren't another dream," Kate moaned as she bit his bottom lip as if testing to make sure he was truly there.

Anders could understand her disbelief that this was real and that they were together once again. They had been ripped from each other's lives so suddenly and over the years the two of them had dreamed and fantasized about similar scenarios as this one. So it was hard to comprehend that this was genuine, that this was truly happening and not a part of their over active imaginations.

Anders grasped her hand and pushed it down between them. He rubbed her hand against his now throbbing member as a guttural groan tore from the back of his throat at her warm touch. "This is real…I'm real and once again we are finally together again, Kat," Anders growled. She looked up at him, her eyes wide with amazement, hunger and desire.

Then he slid his hands around her waist and cupped her bottom. He lifted her up as she wrapped her legs around him. He could feel the heat of her core radiating off of her even through their layers of clothing. His mouth claimed hers once again; her tongue slid into his mouth, it was hot, demanding and brazen.

With her legs firmly wrapped around his waist, he made his way toward the bed in the back room. It wasn't much bigger than the cots in the clinic, but it was more comfortable.

He laid her down on the mattress, he quickly undid his pants, and then he removed hers. He looked down at her incredible body; she was so toned and fit yet her hips curved out from her tiny waist. He couldn't wait to lick a path over every inch of her. Over the years she had acquired a few new scars, but they made her even more beautiful because they were a testament of who she was.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her, their lips once again found each other, she wrapped her legs around his waist and he felt her hot, wet core pressing into him, he groaned as his erection leapt against her thigh. His hand slid down her neck to her chest, cupping her breast, he rubbed his thumb over her hard nipple, and she sighed as she arched into his hand. His forefinger joined the party as he gently pinched the nipple; she moaned then smirked at him as she pushed him on his back, she straddled his hips. She adjusted him so that his rock hard erection was directly grinding against her throbbing nub.

In the five years that they had been apart she had definitely learned more about her body and what she liked and didn't. He didn't even want to think who she had made those discoveries with and immediately pushed those thoughts out of his head.

She began to swirl her hips as she rubbed against him. She looked exquisite, better than anything he had ever fantasized about. Her breast swayed with her motion, her face a picture of ecstasy as she worked herself against him, her eyes hungry as they met his gaze. Anders grabbed her hips and pressed them even harder against him as he groaned, "You are so incredibly hot."

He leaned forward, took her nipple in his mouth and pulled long and hard on it. She moaned as her hands slipped into his hair holding him to her chest. "Don't worry, Sweetheart, I have no plans on going anywhere," he growled as his tongue traced around the nipple of her other breast.

"Have I told you how glad I am that these come in pairs?" He asked with a grin.

"I do believe you have mentioned it once or twice."

His lips continued to lick and suck at her delicious mounds as his hands slipped back to her hips as he helped her move her slick core against him.

She pushed him back, "I need you in me now."

He raised an eyebrow, "But I had a few other things I wanted to explore before we got to the main show."

"Later," she sighed as she lifted her hips and guided him in her. "I need you in me now," she moaned as she lifted her hips and guided him into her.

Oh Maker…she was still so tight…so fucking hot and wet. His body shuddered as he surged deep into her. "Y-yesss, I agree. This is a much better plan," he groaned.

He looked into her beautiful face and he watched her face shutter with desire as she rode him, her breasts swayed with her graceful movements. Anders reached up to caress her breasts and she leaned down so he could take her luscious nipple into his mouth. He sucked hard at it as she continued to ride him; she swirled and grinded her hips into him in a slow erotic dance. Anders trembled; he closed his eyes as he enjoyed the delicious friction she was creating between them. He felt her weight shift, then he felt her feet at his sides and her hands on his ankles as she arched back.

He opened his eyes and looked down. Holy fucking Maker! He nearly lost all of his control when he saw an unobstructed view of where their bodies were physically joined together. He was mesmerized as he watched as he glided in and out of her. It was the most erotic thing he had ever seen and he had never been more turned on in his entire life.

Kate began to move quicker and harder against him as she tried to create more friction. Anders slid his hand between where they were joined and stroked the taut bundle of nerves. She cried out his name as she placed her hand over his, guiding him to the exact spot she need him to caress. Oh holy, sweet baby Andraste in manger, watching her hand on his as they stroked her together sent him spiraling out control. His free hand gripped the sheet as he struggled to remain in control. He felt her muscles constrict around him as his name fell from her lips in a chorus of praise and admiration.

"Oh f-fuck me, yes, Anders, yessss," Kate moaned as her muscles convulsed around him over and over again. She made such a sweet keening sound as the ripples of ecstasy flooded through her. He watched her completely enraptured in sheer bliss as he finally let go. He abandoned himself to her, her body and the frenzied pleasure she was creating as he released into her. His body violently shook as he had the orgasm of his life.

Kate collapsed onto his chest panting from exhaustion. His own breath was ragged and harsh as his arms encircled her and he brushed his lips against her forehead. "Oh Kat, Maker I have missed you."

Kate laughed as she sat up. She rested her hands on his chest, "Yes that was pretty awesome. I forgot how good you were at that."

Anders reached up, cupped her face and looked directly into her eyes, "NO! I missed you. The mind blowing sex is just a bonus."

He pulled her to his chest; he kissed her forehead and held her tightly against him. "I still can't believe you're here. I thought you were dead, Kate. I mourned and grieved for you and then like a stunning apparition you walk into my clinic."

Kate sat up and cupped his face. "I'm so sorry, Anders. I never wanted to hurt you like that."

"Well, from what I gathered from Bethany, my capture by the templars didn't do a whole lot for your own sanity either," Anders said as he kissed her lips then pulled her back against him, afraid that she might disappear.

Kate laughed that infectious laugh of hers and he couldn't help but join in. "Yes, I do believe there was a period that I did not have all of my mental facilities and I might have been a danger to myself or others."

Needing to remind himself again that she was real, that she was by his side, Anders grabbed her by the waist and rolled her on her back. He brushed a stray hair out of her eyes, "And are you a danger to me?"

"Only if killing you with pleasure is possible," she whispered as she pressed against him and captured his mouth once again with hers as Anders took her again, but this time he took his time as he reacquainted himself with every aspect of her body.

The following night Anders rushed into his clinic. His mind whirling from what had just happened; Maker's breath, he had killed Karl…Karl who was a friend, a confidant…an ex-lover. Bloody hell, that wasn't the worst part. Unable to control his rage over what the templars had done to Karl, Justice had been unleashed in front of Kate. It was a miracle that any had survived.

He should have seen this coming. From the moment that Kate had left his side this morning, Justice had been ranting in his head about her. About how she would be a distraction, how she would be their downfall, about how they would only break her heart and destroy her, but Justice didn't know Kate. He only had Anders memories of her and although those memories were vivid and strong, none the less the Spirit didn't know the woman the way he did. Kate was strong, brave and unflinching when it came to someone or something she was committed to. Anders knew Kate would be accepting of his new condition if for no other reason than her unwavering love for him.

But the events that transpired at the Chantry tonight changed everything. When he had regained control of himself and realized that Justice had taken over, he nearly vomited right there on the spot as images of the massacre floated through his mind. Then he imagined the image of Kate's body, torn apart and savaged by him. Fuck! The last thing he could do was risk her life. If there was even the slightest chance that he could slaughter her the way he had in that forest, he couldn't be with her. He couldn't risk her life like that. He had already lived with her death once and barely made it through the other side. He wouldn't survive if her death came at his hands. It would nearly kill him, but he had to let her go.

Moments later she came rushing in after him. "Anders! Anders!" She cried out as she raced toward him.

He waved her off. She ignored him and when she threw her arms around him, he pushed her away. "You need to stay away from me, Kate."

She titled her head and gave him the most loving, compassionate look he had ever seen. "It would be easier to cut off my arm then to stay away from you."

"Kate…" he breathed out in frustration and fear. "I could hurt you. You need to stay away from me."

She smiled tenderly at him, her understanding and kindness was breaking his heart. He could have easily dealt with her anger and rage, but her sympathy was killing him. "Anders, I would place my life in your hands. You couldn't hurt me…a fter all that we have shared together…even if that Fade Spirit in you demanded my death, you couldn't do it because what we have is more powerful."

"I am not willing to risk your life to test your theory." Anders paused for a moment and thought about what she had said. "How the bloody hell do you know I have a Fade Spirit in me?"

"Do I need to remind of who my father was? All those times we move, the first thing we packed were his precious books. So besides my mother's trash smut novel, I read a lot of my father's books. You aren't the first mage to be possessed by a Fade Spirit," Kate retorted.

"Kate you don't understand. Justice isn't the same Spirit that I invited in. My anger, my hatred corrupted, warped and killed the Spirit that I once called friend. Justice is no longer a benevolent spirit; he has become a Spirit of Vengeance that is hostile and dangerous. I have worked hard to control him, but at times when my rage grows out of control, he takes over and what is left in his wake is horrific. I…I can't risk you or life. I've lost you once, Kate. I won't survive losing you again."

"Anders, I love you and you love me, we can make this work," Kate pleaded.

"No! There is no compromise when it comes to you. I-I couldn't live with myself if your death came at my hands." Anders ran his hands through his hair in frustration. His eyes stung with tears as he prepared to put distance between himself and the woman that he loved.

"Kate, you have my maps for the Deep Roads. They are yours as am I. I will help you accomplish whatever missions you need help with, but I can't be with y-you…" Anders voice cracked and he tried to regain control. "Justice demands that we cannot be together."

"Anders, this is insane. We are together; we have been since we were kids. We stronger together…you are allowing a spirit to dictate your life. That isn't how this is supposed to work. You are the host. As the living host, your will needs to be stronger, you need to be the one to control your own destiny not the spirit…"

"Kate, you make it sound so fucking easy!" Anders shouted. "But you don't have a voice consistently in your head making demands of you."

"Anders, if you go down this path you're still losing me. Please, Love, give me…give us a chance. We can make this work. I can help you."

Anders glared at her, his anger at her, at this whole fucked up situation boiling over. "Don't you get it! There is no happily ever after for me, Love. I invited a spirit into my body. I corrupted that spirit to the point that I can't even recognize my friend anymore. There is no house with a white picket fence and two kids playing in the front yard for us."

Kate glared right back at him. "NO! You're the one that doesn't get it! My soul, my heart, my body is bounded to you. When I thought you were dead, I died that day too. Your fate is my fate. We are on this path together and we have been since I was eleven and you were twelve. What we have is more powerful than what has happened between you and Justice. I just hope you realize that before it's too late."

Kate then spun on her heels and headed out the door. Anders fell to his knees and cried as he lost the woman that he love for the second time in his life.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Mr. Gordo is definitely a reference from something; a big slice of pie to anyone who can tell me who Mr. Gordo is and where he is from.**

*******Once again, thank you to all of my faithful readers and reviewers. It's wonderful hearing your thoughts and comments. Please continue to share them with me. You guys are the best!**

***A heartfelt thank you to everyone that follows this story. Your support means the world to me. Thank you for adding this story to your favs and alert lists.**

***A big shout out to my betalicious, Beta Goddess Jinx1983, for her fanfrickentabulous beta-ing skill. You, dear lady, are the best! Thank you for all of your help, advice, support and most of all your friendship. Now go on vacation and have some fun! That's an order.**


	7. Chapter 7  Carry On Wayward Son

**Chapter 7 –Carry On Wayward Son**

"Once I rose above the noise and confusion just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion

I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high. Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man

Though my mind could think I still was a mad man, I hear the voices when I'm dreamin', I can hear them say

Carry on my wayward son, for there'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest now don't you cry no more"

_Carry On Wayward Son by Kansas_

Isabella and Anders had just sat down at the table to eat when the door swung open.

"Lucy, I'm home," Varric bellowed, he entered the cabin and closed the door behind him.

Anders eyebrows furrowed, he threw a questioning glance at Isabella. "Who's Lucy? Is that a new nickname?"

Isabella just shrugged.

Varric strolled up to the table; smelling the stew he smiled. "It's always so nice to come home after a long day at the office to nice hot meal."

"Well, were you able to secure a mage?" Anders asked.

"I'm not sure which heist Hawke got those jewels on, but they were flawless and fetched a pretty sovereign. I was able to secure not one, but two highly experienced mages, purchased more supplies and still have plenty left over."

Isabela grinned, "Make my day and tell me that one is male and the other is a saucy little female?"

"Well, I did, but I'm sorry to inform you that it's husband and wife team, Rivaini," Varric explained.

"So…that's never stopped me before. When do they get here?"

"You do realize that they are coming here to save Kate, not for your sexual explorations?" Anders asked.

"Yes, I know, but if they are anything like you they will be horny as hell after they perform magic rituals."

"Maker's balls, how would you know that?" Anders demanded.

Isabela grinned, "Girls talk, my friend."

"Andraste's arse on a cracker, is nothing sacred anymore?"

"Not between girls over a bottle of rum," Isabela grinned.

Anders decided to just ignore her comment. "When are they arriving?"

"We are meeting them at the cave, first thing in the morning. Rivaini and I will go early and make sure that it isn't a trap, while you stay here with Kate. Once we feel that everything is on the up and up, we will bring them back here," Varric explained.

"That sounds like an excellent plan," Anders agreed as he looked through the doorway at Kate's sleeping form. It wouldn't be long now. He would find her in the Fade, convince her to come back with him or he would join her permanently in there. He could not lose her again, not after all that they had been through; he could not face this life with Justice and not have her at his side. He just didn't have the strength or will to do it.

**xxXxx **

Over the next six months as Kate diligently worked to prepare for the Deep Roads, the distance between them continued to grow wider. At first, Kate refused to accept his decision. Consistently she visited the clinic, flirted shamelessly with him and relentless teased him. If it were not for the screaming voice in his head; Anders would never have been able to resist her. Every fiber of his being wanted her, but Justice demanded that she was off limits and at moments of weakness, pictures of that forest would flood his mind, reminding him why he could not be with her. But damn, she sure as hell was not going to bow out gracefully and make it easy on him.

When Kate realized that her wily, wily ways weren't going to coerce him, her behavior became more destructive, as her anger and frustration at him grew. She was drinking a lot, teasing and flirting with men and women purposely in front of him, and taking chance during battles. He knew he was the cause of her pain and he could do nothing to ease it. It was killing him to watch her self destruct. When he had called her out on it she had hissed that he did not have the market cornered on making stupid decisions. The most painful part was that she completely closed him out of her life. She was alive, but because of his decision she refused to allow him to be a part of her life. So what he could not have was always there in front of him teasing him, haunting him.

He wasn't sure what was worse, being on missions with her, having her right in front of him, watching her interact with all of their companions but ignoring him. Or being in Kirkwall, knowing that she was out with their friends having a good time while he sat in the clinic…alone, writing his manifesto, listening to Justice tell him, 'it was for the best.' It was driving him mad.

Only a few days before leaving for the Deep Roads, she came to the clinic for a surprise visit. It had been a slow day and Anders had sent Tanner off to run a few errands. Anders had his head buried in his journal and hadn't even heard her come in.

"Hi there," she purred directly in front of him. Making him nearly jump out of chair. She giggled, "I'm sorry, don't shoot any fireballs. It's just me."

"Maker's balls, you startled the hell out of me," Anders gasped. "I didn't even hear you come in."

"Yes, I'm sly that way," she grinned.

Anders snorted. "Yes, you are." He looked up at her and his heart ached at the very sight of her. "What can I do for you, Kate?"

"I know you have strong feelings about the Deep Roads and I respect that. However, as much as I don't want to ask, I feel for the safety of the group I must. Would you consider going with us? You're the best healer I know, you're a Warden so you can sense the darkspawn…you're the best chance we have if we hope to make it out alive," Kate stated matter-of-factly.

"I'm sure it killed you to admit those things to me," Anders said coolly.

"No, it's the truth. I would never deny anything I just said," she replied.

"Of course, I'll go into the Deep Roads with you, Kate. I want you to make it out alive as well," Anders replied.

"Thank you, Anders. I wasn't so sure anymore," Kate said.

Anders stood up, walked over to her and gripped her shoulders. His hands trembled slightly at the feel of her skin beneath his fingers. "Kate, a lot has happened between us, a lot of things have been said and left unsaid, but please don't ever doubt my need to keep you alive. I've lost you once, I can't lose you again."

"You already have," Kate whispered as she bowed her head.

"No, as long as you live, I will never lose you," Anders said solemnly as he removed his hands from her shoulders and stepped away from her.

"Anders, I found a great deal on frostrock and frozen lightning, and that cute mage…." Tanner's voice drifted off when he saw that Anders wasn't alone.

Tanner grinned a boyish grin at Kate, "Hi, Hawke."

She smiled warmly at the young mage, "Hi, Tanner. How have you been?"

The boy seemed genuinely pleased that she had asked about him. "Oh…aaah, I'm good. Busy…Anders is a slave driver."

Kate giggled, "Yes, I've heard that about him."

She was quiet for a long moment then she said softly, "So the gang is getting together tonight at the Hangman for a little pre- Deep Roads celebration. I hope you can join us."

Before he could answer, she spun on her heels and left probably because she didn't want to hear him turn her down.

"You're going, right?" Tanner asked.

Anders shook his head. "No, I will be joining Kate's expedition into the Deep Roads. I need to get things in order here before I leave."

"Are you crazy?"

Anders grinned solemnly, "Yes, I probably am. I hate the blighted Deep Roads."

"I'm not talking about sodding Deep Roads. A beautiful, spirited woman just asked you to join her for drinks and you're not going!"

"She was just being polite because she just asked me to join her on the expedition."

"Soooo you're crazy and blind. Because the way that she looks at you…" He paused as he shook his head in frustration. "Maker, I would give anything for a gorgeous woman to look at me like that."

Anders eyebrows furrowed. "How does she look at me?"

"Like you're a mouth-watering dessert that she is ready to devour."

Well that just confirmed exactly why he could not go tonight. The last thing he wanted to do was cause her any more pain, and his presence would do just that. However his irrational side argued that she wouldn't have invited him if she didn't want him there. Anders spent the majority of the evening debating the issue with Justice heavily siding with his logical side. Eventually however, his need and yearning to be near her won out. Grabbing his staff, Anders headed for the tavern.

By the time he got there, the group had a big head start and from the looks of it he could slam ale back the rest of the night and never catch up with them.

"Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence for once," Isabela purred as Anders pulled up a chair beside Kate.

"Well it was an offer I couldn't refuse," Anders said, taking a sip of the ale that Varric had just handed him.

"Who invited the abomination? They need to be smacked," Fenris sneered.

"You can try, but I guarantee you won't succeed," Kate replied as she slowly turned her head toward the elf.

"Oh well, it's your party Hawke, I guess you can invite anyone you want," Fenris replied with an edge of disappointment in his voice.

"Damn straight it's my party," Kate said as she took a huge gulp of her ale.

"Why is it your party?" Anders asked. Kate's face paled and her eyes flickered in pain. Fuck, what had he said?

"Anders, I can't believe that you…"

Kate cut Bethany off before she could finish. "It's as I told you, it's a pre-Deep Roads celebration."

Bethany's brows furrowed with disgust as the rest of the table nodded. "It's Hawke's night so it's whatever she wants it to be," Varric declared.

Anders had missed something. Something was going on, but he wasn't aware of what it was and why it caused Kate even more pain.

Kate swayed in her chair humming to herself. "Kitten, what are you singing?"

"I'm not singing, I'm humming," Kate corrected.

"It sounds familiar. What is it?"

"It's that catchy little ditty that we heard that minstrel singing at the Blooming Rose," Kate stated.

Anders choked on his ale, "What the bloody hell were you doing at the Blooming Rose? Please tell me you weren't…using their services! I treat most of those men and women in my clinic."

"If I was looking to get laid I wouldn't need to pay for it!" Kate retorted.

"Damn straight honey. I would have no problem servicing you," a man from the table next to them yelled over.

"S-see, I just have them lining up," Kate slurred, waving at the mercenaries at the next table. "When they're not wanting to kill me, they willing _service me._"

"If the Kitten has an itch, I'd be happy to scratch it for you," Isabela cooed.

"Oh, I have an itch alright," Kate purred back at the wench, winking at her. Anders felt his stomach tighten as bile began to rise up. Of course she has an itch…why wouldn't she…she was a healthy…young…beautiful woman…that has needs…needs that he refused to meet.

"You didn't take me to the Blooming Rose when you went; so what is this song you're humming," Bethany asked.

"Yeah, sing it for us," Isabella coaxed.

Kate shot her a dirty look. "It really isn't for mixed company."

Isabella refilled Kate's mug and pushed her to take a sip. "Oh, I do believe it is, plus you have to do that little dance that you added to it. It makes is so much better."

Kate's face turned red. "Maker, what was that song and dance?"

"Oh, come on Hawke, it couldn't be as bad as the naked Dalish rain dance," Merrill said.

Kate laughed, "Well no…my clothes would remain on."

"And what a shame that would be," Isabella purred.

"Is there anyone you DON'T want to see naked?" Fenris asked.

"Aveline can keep her clothes on," Isabella retorted.

"Watch it wench! I wouldn't want to see you naked for all the gold in the royal coffers, and that's saying a lot."

"Come on gorgeous. Isabella will be unrelenting all night if you don't do this, personally I would like to move to other topics," Varric said.

"Okay, I'll sing the song, but I'm not doing the dance," Kate stated firmly.

"Fine have it your way, but that little butt shake you do really makes the song so much better," Isabella said. Anders agreed with the wench, he wanted to see her little butt shake too.

Kate gulped some ale, cleared her throat, closed her eyes as she gathered herself. She started to sway back and forth in her chair as she sang.

_"Baby, babe, let's get together, honey, hon, me and you._  
><em>And do the things, ah, do the things, that we like to do."<em>

With her eyes still closed, hands sliding seductively up and down her thighs as she sang the chorus.

_"Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight, get down tonight._  
><em>Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight, get down tonight."<em>

Anders was mesmerized by her, just the way she seductively moved her body with the lyrics as she sang them. She was so alluring, so enticing and he wanted her so badly. Why couldn't Justice see that he would be so much better with her then apart from her?

_"Baby, babe, I'll meet you, same place, same time._  
><em>Where we can all get together and ease up our minds."<em>

As Kate started on the chorus again, Isabella threw her arm around Kate's shoulder, Kate's eyes opened and she smiled at the pirate wench as Isabella joined in.

_"Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight, get down tonight._  
><em>Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight, get down tonight."<em>

When they were done, Fenris coughed and clearly adjusted himself, "Umhmm, that was very interesting."

Kate eyed Fenris curiously, "Judging by your expression and the amount you were drooling, I'd say it was more than just interesting," as she grinned and winked at him.

Anders snorted and rolled his eyes as jealously coursed through him. She couldn't seriously be interested in that brooding elf.

"What's your problem, Sparky? Has someone been yanking your chain the wrong way, or are you just being an ass to prove a point?" Isabella asked.

"You really should be nice to Hawke, Anders. It is her day after all," Merrill added.

"Just because it's her party, doesn't mean she has to make herself cheap, while celebrating," Anders replied.

"Hey, I'm not cheap, I'm on special this week," Kate said with mischievous grin.

"And would someone bloody tell me why it's Kate's day? I thought this was a pre-Deep Roads celebration." Anders demanded.

"Are you really that much of a moron? Think about it for a minute, Anders. Why do you think we would celebrate going into the deep roads, where our chance of survival is slim to none. We are here to celebrate something else, something joyous," Bethany hissed at him.

"Beth! Just drop it," Kate exclaimed.

"Really? He has known you for over ten years, he claims to love you…"

"He claims to love her? Sure has a funny way of showing it," Fenris stated dryly.

"…and he can't even remember that today is your birthday. Some family member he turned out to be," Bethany exclaimed.

"Celebrating my decent into old age, that's not what I would call joyous," Kate chuckled as she tried to deflect the whole conversation by calling Nora over and ordering another round.

Anders felt the color drain from his face as his heart raced. Maker's breath, how could he have forgotten it was her birthday?

"Kate, I'm so sorry…"

She raised her hand to cut him off. "Don't worry about it, Anders. I wanted one last celebration with my friends before we head into the Deep Roads and I got it. The reason for the gathering doesn't matter."

To ease tension, Isabella raised her mug and yelled, "TO KATE and her decent into old age; may it be one hell of a good time."

They all raised their glasses to her, "Hear, hear!"

Anders felt like a complete ass. Everyone here knew the reason for the gathering except him. She could have given him some warning, but she led him to believe it was some pre-apocalyptic deep roads celebration. He felt humiliated. Besides, Bethany he was the one person that should know her birthday. But it wasn't like he had a calendar tattooed to his forehead. He barely even noticed the passing seasons let alone what day or month it was.

He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "A little warning would have been nice."

"Warning about what?" She shot back.

"Oh, I dunno, maybe the fact that it's your birthday," Anders replied. He knew he had no right to be mad at her. He was the idiot that had forgot it was her birthday, but the anger and frustration of being slowly cut from her life just came surging to the surface.

"I didn't realize that after knowing me all these years that I had to send you reminder when it was my birthday."

"I believe you could have told me the truth and not led me to believe we were here for a different reason," Anders snipped as he tried to control his emotions and stop from overreacting, but try as he might the pain boiled over.

"I believe you're an ass and I also believe I will have another mug of ale so I can drink to that."

"That's it Kate, bury your problems in alcohol, but when you wake up the next morning, your problems are still there," Anders retorted.

"I believe I only have one problem and I'm staring at him right now!"

She was pushing all of his buttons, but he tried to remain calm and level headed. "Really, Kate, is that what you truly believe?"

Kate stood up, gulped the rest of her ale and stared directly into Anders' eyes as anger made them flare and dance. "Yes, it is and let me tell you what else I believe. I believe in the soul, soulmates, good wine, the cock, the pussy and the way a man and a woman are made to fit perfectly together. I believe the Black Fox was a woman. I believe in a firm grip on the pommel and the whistle of a perfect blade as it slices through the air. I believe pets should have silly names. I believe in long slow kisses that make your knees weak and your body quivering with anticipation for more. And most important I believe that a good fuck should last days not hours and you only come up for air to answer the door to tell the mortician you aren't fucking dead!"

"Damn!" Varric grunted.

"I like your belief system, Kitten."

"Hear, hear," guy at the next table cheered.

Anders was instantly hard and he had to grip his chair to keep from springing up, throwing her against the wall and taking her in front of the entire tavern. "And when was the last time you were fucked like that?" Anders growled.

"It's been a long damn time! But someone isn't volunteering for the job," Kate growled back daring him to contradict her.

Isabela raised her hand in the air, "Umhmm, I'll volunteer. If there is a job opening, sign me up."

Kate spun around and ran out the door. Anders was on his feet racing after her. He caught up to her, grabbed her arm and turned her around to face him. "What the fuck is going on with you? This isn't you!"

"How the fuck you would know what is me and what isn't me anymore, Anders? We were apart for five years, when you see me again, you fuck me then dump me and then treat me as if I have the plague. You don't know a damn thing about me anymore!"

Anders felt as if she had punched him in the stomach. His heart clinched with pain. "You…you can't honestly believe that? You have to know that isn't true!"

Tears were swimming in her eyes. "I honestly don't know what to believe anymore, Anders."

Anders grabbed her face with both of his hands and pulled her to him as his own tears stung his eyes. "I love you, Kate. I always have…I always will till the day I die. Since I found out you were I alive, everything I have done is for you…to keep you alive."

Anders mouth came down hard on hers, devouring her as he pushed her against the nearby wall, driving his body against hers, pinning her to the bricks. Kate moaned his name as her arms came up around his neck. His tongue hungrily dove into her mouth exploring, ravishing. Anders pushed a leg between hers and pressed against her as his hand moved down her back, cupped her bottom and lifted her against him as her legs wrapped around his waist. His mouth moved down her neck, he licked at her beautiful smooth skin. He felt her pulse beneath his tongue as he licked her throat eagerly, placing small bites against it before soothing each one with his tongue. His hands gripped her bottom tightly, pulling her against him as she pressed into him. Anders groaned out her name in desperation. Fuck, she tasted so good and Maker help him, he was addicted to her taste. He moved his kisses down to her collarbone, moving slowly downwards as he drank in her smell and taste like a man dying of thirst.

Kate grabbed his shoulders suddenly and pushed him away. He stared at her in confusion. She was breathing rapidly, her eyes yearning, but her look was stern. "Are you going to fuck me tonight and then leave me again in the morning?"

Anders desperately wanted to say no. He wanted to tell her that he would never leave her again that she was the only thing that mattered, but he couldn't do it because, as badly as he wanted her Justice wouldn't let him have her. Tears flooded her eyes as she lowered her legs to the ground and pushed away from him. "I-I…I can't do that again. I want you… and Maker help me I love you, but to be with you and have you walk away from me again…I just can't do it. I'm sorry."

She turned from him and slowly started to walk toward her house. Anders wanted to grab her, pull her into his arms and never let her go, but he just couldn't do that to her, so he just watched as she walked away.

The following morning, Anders was knocking on the door of Gamlen's home. Gamlen opened the door, cursed when he saw it was Anders closing the door in his face. Anders heard him yell for Kate; a few minutes later, she opened the door. She was wearing her night shirt and her hair looked a mess. Smiling shyly at him as she ran her fingers through her short strands.

"Aaah, I'm sorry to wake you, but I really need to talk to you."

Kate nodded, "Okay, but can you hold on a minute? Let me throw on something more appropriate."

"Of course."

A few minutes later she came out wearing a pair of trousers, a loose blouse and carrying two cups of tea. She handed one to him and smiled, "Light cream, and two sugar cubes."

"You were sent by the Maker," Anders said as he inhaled the tea and then took a sip. They sat down on the stairs and Kate remained quiet, patiently waiting for Anders to begin when he was ready.

He took a few more sips of his tea, took a deep breath then began. "Kate, I know I am hurting you and its killing me to do so. I-I love you so much and I just want to protect you…from me…"

"Anders…"

"Please, Kate, let me say this then you can give me all of arguments on why I am wrong…but after I tell you what I'm about to, you may never want to see me again."

Kate clasped his hands in hers, "I doubt that, but I will listen to everything you have to say and won't say a thing until you are done."

Anders shook his head in disbelief. "I don't deserve you…" Anders sighted.

Kate squeezed his hands. "Yes, you do."

Anders smiled sadly, shook his head the he closed his eyes took a deep breath and began. "Kate, I love you. I love you so much it's killing me not to be with you, but I love you enough to do what I must to keep you safe. I know you don't believe me when I told that you I could physically hurt you…but trust me, Love, when I tell you it's true… the first time that I had lost control of Justice and he took over my body had been in the woods not far from Vigil's Keep with a group of Wardens. I had been betrayed by a fellow Warden to the templars and as the anger coursed through me, Justice seized control…I can't see myself, but the change must have been terrifying because I can see the fear in their eyes and heard the sound of their screams."

Anders drew in a shaky breath. "I lash out, the silverite swords just melted. I follow up with a wave of flames which scorched the flesh right of the bone. I turned to the traitor, he was afraid, but he resisted the urge to run. He leveled his sword at my chest, I left myself wide open to his attack and his sword sank hilt deep into my flesh. Wide eyed with fear he stumbled back and turned to run, I tore his head off…no magic…no sword…just me."

Anders pulled his hands from Kate's grasped and burried his head in them as the memories of that horrific day flooded his mind. He didn't want to go on, he wanted to forget, but she needed to know. She needed to see why he couldn't be with her.

His body trembled as he struggled to continue. "I f-fought to regain control of my mind and body and when I did…I fell to my knees and wept at the horror. The f-forest burning…b-bodies torn…broken…discarded. Completely repulsed by what he had done," he shuddered, "W-what I had done, I threw up. Then I heard his voice in my head, '_Every templar, every holy sister who stands in the way of our freedom will die in agony and their deaths will only fuel the flames of revolution. We will have justice….we will have vengeance'."_

Tears were streaming down Anders' cheeks, he felt Kate get up. His story had disgusted her to the point that she couldn't even be near him anymore, and he couldn't blame her. Hell most days he couldn't't stand to be near himself either. But she didn't leave, she rested her hands on his knees as she bent down between his legs. She lifted her hand and gently wiped the tears from his cheeks. The tender and loving gesture made him cry even more. He turned his head and kissed her palm.

She slid her hand under his chin and forced him to look at her. "Thank you…thank you for finally trusting me enough to tell me."

"I-I wanted to Kat. You're the one person that I want to bare my soul to, but I was so afraid of losing you after I had just got you back. H-how could I ever expect you to forgive my actions when I can barely even look at myself most days?"

"Anders, do I think you did a foolish and stupid thing when you agreed to Justice's deal? Absolutely! Do I think that you learned the hard way how dangerous merging with a Fade Spirit can be? Yes. But I would have thought by now that you would have learned that I am the one person that will never leave you. That I will always stand by your side if you will only let me in."

Anders stared into her beautiful face. He saw nothing but love and compassion there and it broke his heart. He reached for her with one hand and gently stroked her cheek. Maker, how he loved this woman, he ached for her, but he was a danger to her and no matter how badly he needed her, needed to take comfort in her, he could not put her in that kind of danger. "Kate, I want to let you in, I yearn to find comfort in your arms and I long to find peace that only you can give me, but I can't do that to you. I can't control this and I would never be able to live with myself if I hurt you or worse, killed you. I just can't…I can't be with you. I'm so sorry. I know I'm hurting you, it's killing me to do so, but I needed you to know why."

Kate reached into her back pocket, pulled out a journal and handed it to him. "This journal is one of my father's. He studied possession by Fade Spirits because a friend of his was in the same situation. You say that you are staying away from me for my own safety, but you are endangering yourself even more. From what I have read in his note so far, it was extremely important for the mage to remain grounded to the real world and to people that love them. That was key in order to keep the spirit from completely taking over. You say that you taught Justice to be vengeful because of your hatred. Well, first and foremost you're a healer Anders, it's who you are. You have a healer's heart so you can teach Justice about compassion and mercy too."

Anders flipped through Malcolm's well worn journal. Anders was strangely comforted as he studied Malcolm's familiar handwriting. Maker, there was still an ache in his chest every time he thought about the only man he ever considered as his father. "Thank you, Kate. I appreciate you giving this to me and I will read it…I hope that you understand now why I can't be with you."

"No, I don't. I completely understand that what you went through was horrific. I can understand your fear that you would hurt me, but I know you, Anders, and we share a connection that Justice can't touch. I know you would never physically hurt me and I know you would never allow Justice to hurt me either, but what you're doing to us now is causing irreversible pain to both of us. The sad thing is you don't have to go through this alone, if you would only have faith in us, together we could work through this."

"I-I can't risk it. You're too important to me," Anders said grimly.

"I'm really sorry to hear that," Kate replied. She leaned into him, the scent of Ferelden Jasmine flooded his senses. She pressed her mouth against his, the touch of her lips set his body on fire. Anders pressed harder against her trying to ease the burn. A moment later, she pulled back, she then stood up and went inside, leaving him craving more, but knowing this was for the best.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Kate's "I believe" speech was inspired by Kevin Costner's speech in _Bull Durham_. I like Kate's version better.**

***A heartfelt thanks to all of you lurkers, reviewers, readers. Your support makes me smile and really keeps me motivated. So thank you for taking the time to do that. Shout outs to those who put me on fav author, the story on favs, and alerts!**

***To my friend and guest beta while the awesomtastic Jinxy is taking a much deserved vacation…this one is for you.**

**Bonkzy, Bonkzy, who can I turn to?**  
><strong>Jinxy left, but you gave something I can hold onto<strong>  
><strong>I know you think I'm like the others before<strong>  
><strong>Who saw your name and number on the wall<strong>

**Bonkzy, I got your number, I need you to make this chapter mine.**  
><strong>Bonkzy, don't change your number,<strong>  
><strong>8-6-7-5-3-0-9 (8-6-7-5-3-0-9)<strong>  
><strong>8-6-7-5-3-0-9 (8-6-7-5-3-0-9)<strong>


	8. Chapter 8  Feel Like Makin' Love

**Chapter 8 – Feel Like Makin' Love**

"Baby, when I think about you, I think about love

Darlin', I don't want live without you and your love

If I had those golden dreams of my yesterdays

I would wrap you in the heaven, 'feel it dyin' on the wave

Feel like makin', feel like makin' love, feel like makin' love

Feel like makin' love, feel like makin' love to you

Baby, if I think about you, I think about love

Darlin' if I live without you, I live without love

And if I had the sun and moon and they were shinin'

I would give you both night and day love satisfying'"

_Feel Like Makin' Love by Bad Company_

Varric had fallen into a deep sleep on the over sized sofa while Isabela enjoyed a bottle of rum that the dwarf had brought back for her from Minrathous. Kate meanwhile still peacefully slept on.

"I'm going to head down to the river and take a bath," Anders said, as he grabbed his staff, a towel, some clean clothes and headed for the door.

"Thank the Maker for small favors. From the stench I was actually beginning to think you were dead," Isabela chortled.

Anders ignored the comment and continued to head out the door. It was a chilly night and even with a warming spell for the water the air too cold for a long leisurely soak. Quickly he made his way down to the river, stripped out of his clothes, cast the spell then stepped into the water.

Anders thought about the ritual that would be preformed tomorrow, he had to admit to himself that he was worried. He knew that he had hurt her deeply by betraying her trust and by not trusting her enough to let her in. She had let him live, she had asked him to fight for the mages that his actions had condemned and she had fled Kirkwall with him. Yet not once during their two months on the road to Minrathous did she tell him that she forgave him, not once did she tell him that she still loved him.

Kate had stuck by him out of duty and obligation, but he would not know for sure if love factored into that equation until he could look into her eyes again. He truly feared what he might see there because if she did not love him anymore he knew he would not be able to convince her to come back. He prayed to the Maker that his actions hadn't cost him her love, and he prayed that he could persuade her that they had built a good life together, granted a life that he had destroyed, but up until the time that Justice had almost completely taken over, they had a good, happy and fulfilling life with together.

Anders had enough dark thoughts for one night; he needed to be positive when he entered the Fade otherwise he would just make himself a target for demons. He got out of the water, and quickly dried off then dressed and started to head back to the cabin. When he entered he found Isabela sitting on the bed where Kate was sleeping. The pirate had Kate's head in her lap as she stroked Kate's hair. Jealousy coursed through his veins as he recalled the painful and heartbreaking years of watching Kate sleep with their companions. It had been his fault; he could only blame himself for those years of anguish that he had inflicted on both of them. He was trying to save her, to keep from hurting her, but in the end he had done more damage to both of them.

It had started in the Deep Roads. Anders noticed Kate's flirtation with Fenris increasing. Her overtures were never blatant nor did she purposely flaunt her advances in front of him. However, Anders knew her so well – all of her subtle teasing gestures, her enticing smile, her delicate words of encouragement they were only luring the elf deeper in – like a spider ensnaring a fly. Fenris ate up the extra attention, relishing in the fact that he was the new favourite and the damn elf found sly ways of reminding Anders that he was no longer in their leader's good graces.

Fenris took every opportunity he could to be near her; whether it was in camp by the fire or fighting at her side as if protecting her. Was the sodding elf blind? Couldn't he see that she didn't need his protection?

Anders desperately tried to keep his jealously under wraps. This was his fault; he had continuously rejected her advances and told her that he was no good for her. What did he expect was going to happen? Kate was a young, vivacious, beautiful woman. He did not expect her to live the life of a cloistered sister. She deserved to be happy, but she would never find true happiness with Fenris. Anders honestly didn't believe that the elf was capable of ever truly loving her because to give love, genuine, unconditional love, you have to have been loved the same way. Anders had known great love in his life. He had received the unconditional love of a mother and father, the unreserved love that only a brother and sister can give and the absolute, unflinching love of lover. Anders ached to give that love back to the one person that mattered and to find peace in her arms once again.

The night before they prepared to head into the Primeval Ruins, while Kate and Varric were busy going over the maps and plans for the following day, Anders cornered Fenris.

"You and Kate seem to be getting close. I hope you don't intend to just play around with her," Anders warned.

"It's none of your concern, mage. If she wanted you to know what was going on she would tell you," Fenris retorted.

"She clearly doesn't know what she's getting into with you. I can only hope that she comes to her senses before it's too late."

"She was smart enough to get away from you. She is perfectly capable of handling her own affairs."

"You have no idea what happened between us, so don't you dare judge me, elf!"

"Obviously, she has received one too many blows to the head. Otherwise she would be exploring below my decks and not fooling around with both of your rudders," Isabela interjected.

"At least I have a rudder, wench," Fenris muttered.

"As if you have any room to talk, you would just use her for a cheap thrill," Anders observed.

"Cheap thrills are my specialty, but Kate is different," Isabela said, licking her lips, she watched Kate from across the fire. "You could spend a lifetime exploring that luscious Kitten and never discover all of her delicious treasures."

Anders' skin crawled as his blood heated up with jealousy at the very thought of Isabela _exploring_ Kate. "Too bad for the both of you, there's one treasure of hers that you'll never have…her heart." Anders said.

"Obviously, it wasn't much of a treasure to you. You had no problem casting it aside," Isabela stated.

"I still have it and even though I have made mistakes in the past, I will always cherish it."

"Yes, Fenris, did you know that rejection is the new way to cherish someone?"

"He certainly has turned it into an art form lately," Fenris grunted.

Isabela sauntered up to Fenris, slid one arm around the elf's shoulder while she rested her hand over his heart as she cooed mockingly, "I love you, Fenris, therefore I must reach into your chest, rip your heart out and toss it aside. I hope you will always know that I will cherish you until the day you die."

Isabela's words stung as truths from her statement sunk in. "I-I didn't cast it aside. I tried to save her from further heartache," Anders replied with little conviction.

"Then I give your effort an F," Isabela chortled.

Anders grabbed the bottle of rum out of the pirate wench's hand and took several big gulps. He handed it back to her as he replied, "Fuck you!"

"I've already done that, Anders. Remember?" Isabela called after him as he stocked off.

**xxXxx**

The following morning when Kate announced that it would be Bethany, Varric and Anders accompanying her into the Primeval Ruins, Fenris was visibly upset and as Anders gathered his things, he gave the brooding elf a satisfactory grin.

Anders could see the light at the end of the tunnel, literally. The sunlight was streaming in through the Deep Roads tunnel. Thank the Maker, they were almost out of the blighted Deep Roads; Anders' pace quickened as he hurried toward the light and could enjoy the feel of fresh air. He raced out of the opening, bent over and sucked in the clean crisp fall air. He felt Kate's presence as she walked up beside him.

Gently she rested her hand on his back, "Are you okay?"

He smiled sadly at her, "I should be asking you that?"

She smiled solemnly at him, but remained silent.

Anders stood up and pulled her into his arms. She tensed up at first, but then he felt her relax into his embrace. "Bethany is strong. She will make it. You have to believe that!"

"I just don't think I can take losing her too. I've l-lost too much already," she said as her voice hitched.

"If I didn't think she would make it through the joining, Kat, I would have never recommended it as an alternative. She will be fine and I will help you tell Leandra. I know how difficult that will be," Anders said as he stroked her back trying to comfort her.

She pulled back and smiled up at him. His heart went spinning out of control as he looked into her beautiful face. "Thank you, Anders."

"I'm always here for you, Kate. That is something that has never changed and never will."

**xxXxx**

Over the next several years, Anders watched as Kate's flirtation with Fenris continued. And when the damn elf began spending several nights a week with her while she taught him to read, Anders thought he would lose his mind as his imagination ran wild with ideas about what else she was tutoring him in.

He tried to push his envy aside. He didn't want her to be alone, he wanted her to be happy, but the thought of Fenris touching her made him sick to his stomach. At some point their relationship had definitely changed. It was apparent that Kate had sincere feelings for Fenris, even when the elf was cruel and pushed her away. She aided him in his search for his former master and tried to help him come to terms with his past. It was at that point that Anders knew that the harmless infatuation had become sexual. Then by the look that appeared on Kate's face and the change in her demeanor, the fucking elf had somehow broken her heart. It took every ounce of self control not to hit the sodding bastard with a walking bomb and watch him go boom.

Following the elf's failed attempt to win Kate's heart, Isabela seized her opportunity, like a vulture sensing a meal. Isabela and Kate had become thick as thieves as they gallivanted around the city drinking away Kate's sorrows. It wasn't long before it became apparent to all of her companions that Kate had finally given in to Isabela's attempts to seduce their fearless leader. This was a match that Anders could understand and approve of. Kate was trying to find comfort in meaningless sex, hell he had done the same thing when he had been in the Circle, and at least with Isabela you knew what you were getting. There would be no surprises and Anders thought that was exactly what Kate needed. So it completely shocked the shit out of him when Merrill started to hit on Kate one night at the Hangman.

The entire group was there with the exception of Fenris, who had lately been excluded from all social engagements while Kate licked her wounds, were relaxing over a few ales when Merrill came rushing in and miserably threw herself into a chair beside Kate.

"Hawke… back at my house… I should never have said those things. I didn't mean it," the tiny elf cried out.

"Don't worry about it, Merrill. I get thrown out of houses so often I hardly even notice anymore," Kate said nonchalantly.

"But you don't understand, Hawke. I was wrong this entire time. You were just trying to help me and keep me safe. I was arrogant and thickheaded, and I am sorry… I know, I babble a lot and make stupid mistakes… and you're beautiful and clever. You shouldn't have to waste your time always trying to save me," Merrill said, with admiration and something else, Anders couldn't quite put his finger on.

Kate smiled warmly at the elf. "I believe you're worth it, Merrill. Not to mention I enjoy being your protector."

"Yes, Kate and I are always on the lookout to save puppies, kittens, virgins and silly elves," Isabela chortled, but Anders recognized a hint of jealousy in her tone. Maker's breath, why in the world would Isabela be jealous over this naïve, foolish elf?

"That would probably depend on whether the puppies, kittens and elves are cute and cuddly or not," Kate said with grin.

"Obviously you're not concerned with the looks of the virgins," Varric chuckled.

"Anders is right, Hawke…"

"There's a first," Varric interrupted.

Merrill ignored the dwarf as she continued, "If you stick with me, everyone you love will be in danger. Don't you understand…I couldn't bare it if anything happened to you because of me."

"Where have you heard that before, Kate?" Isabela chortled as she shot a glance at Anders.

"Andraste's arse on cracker, I really am getting sick of hearing that excuse," Kate stated before continuing. "I must have a 'I hurt easily, and can't handle danger' sign on my back."

"I'm serious Hawke! Please… don't try to save me… just don't," Merrill moaned.

Kate casually rested her hand on Merrill's knee. Anders scrutinized the elf's face as her eyes darkened with… holy shit was that lust? Merrill… had a crush on Kate… Maker's balls, how had he missed that?

Kate patted the elf's knee, "It's going to be alright, Merrill. I promise…"

Without warning, Merrill threw her arms around Kate's neck and began to passionately kiss her…right there…in the Hangman…in front of everyone. Completely stunned for a long moment no one said anything as Merrill really went to town on Kate's mouth.

Isabela was the first to react as she grabbed the elf by the arm and pulled her back, "Woe now, that's my little filly, Kitten."

"Wow, I wasn't expecting to see that tonight. That's why I come here. You never know what is going to happen at the Hangman," Varric chuckled.

"And everyone knows your name," Isabela added.

"Exactly."

"And apparently also the place to find out who will be screwing who next," Anders grunted as anger at this latest development seared at his mind.

"I'm so sorry, Hawke… I don't know what came over me," Merrill stammered, she reached for her mugged and drained it.

Kate looked shocked as she wipe her mouth, "Aaah, it's okay."

"Did someone spike Daisy's drink with a Navarra fly?" Varric asked.

"Maybe someone spiked Kate's drink," Anders stated.

"Excuse me! I was the one getting jumped or didn't you notice that," Kate retorted.

"Evidently you're all about the jumping nowadays," Anders sneered.

"Well, when you're as good as she is at jumping, that is the best way to spend the day," Isabela cooed.

"Pretty soon, you won't even have to leave your mansion or your bed in order to make a quick sovereign," Anders jeered.

"Ouch!" Varric said.

Kate grabbed Anders by the arm, jerked him out of his seat and pushed him toward the door.

"Someone is going to get a spanking," Isabela taunted.

Once they were in an alley way from the curious eyes of onlookers, Kate spun to face him. Fury was licking at her face.

"What the hell is your problem?" Kate demanded.

"So are you going to just fuck your way through all of our companions?"

"Not all of them. Varric is a little too short for my taste and Sebastian is pompous ass. Why the hell do you care?"

"I don't," Anders said in hard tone.

"Really? Could have fooled me? If you don't care why bring it up, or did you have your cock set on the blood mage?"

Anders' eyes flared with anger. How could she even ask him that? "You know damn well that isn't true."

"Do I?"

"Yes, you do! If I was going to fuck anyone it would be you!"

"Pleassse, don't even do go down that path," Kate retorted.

"It's true and you know it."

"No I don't… There was a time I knew without a doubt that I was all you wanted. You couldn't take your eyes off of me or keep your hands from touching me, but now that all seems like dream… as if it never happened," Kate said solemnly.

"Don't say that. It did happen. What we had was very real and even now you're all I want! You're all I think about, all I dream about and I want you so badly." Anders paused as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Argh, Maker, Kate… I want to take you and be with you in every way possible."

"But you won't Anders. You won't take me… you won't love me."

She looked so broken and sad. Anders stepped toward her, "Kate…"

She took a step back from him. "Y-you're the only one I want," she interrupted him. "You're all I've ever wanted and the pain of being near you, but not able to touch you, hold you, kiss you, comfort you is more than I can b-bare," Kate said as her voice broke. She spun on her heels and raced out of the alley.

Seeing the heartache on her face and the misery in her eyes broke him and his resolve. He couldn't do this to her or him any longer. Staying away from her was slowly killing both of them, he just couldn't do it anymore... he didn't have the strength to fight his aching need for her. Justice be damned, he was going to have the one person in his life who had always loved him, who had always brought him peace and calmed his very soul. As he made his way to her estate he cleared his mind and pushed Justice's misgivings out of head. Tonight was only going to be about the two of them.

He made his way up to her room and from the dim light of the fireplace he could see her form curled up on the bed, her body shaking from her stifled cries. He had never wanted to cause her pain. He had only wanted to keep her safe, but seeing her there in tears, broke his heart. Anders quietly slipped off his boots and then curled up behind her. He pulled her against his chest and she melted against him without any resistance. Gently he brushed her hair out of her face; he leaned down and feathered tender, loving kisses along her slender neck.

"I'm so sorry, Kate." His lips kissed his way up to her ear; he tugged at the lobe with his teeth.

"I've been so stupid." He swirled his tongue back down her neck. "In my attempt to save you, I nearly destroyed you," Anders pressed his lips along the nape of her neck. He rolled her over so that she faced him. He looked into her beautiful face, "Can you forgive me for being so foolish?"

Unable to trust her voice, she nodded. He kissed her cheeks as he worked his way to her lips.

"Will you let me make this up to you?"

Still unable to speak, she nodded. Anders rolled on top of her, his arms placed on the sides of her head. His fingers slid through her long silky tresses, he inched his face closer to hers. When their lips were almost touching he whispered, "I love you so much, Kate. I'm lost without you."

He captured her mouth with his, she moaned against his mouth as she opened up to him, deepening the kiss. Maker, words could not express how he had missed the feel of her lips against his, the taste of her on his tongue. His lips slid over her cheek, he could taste her salty tears as he kissed them away and begged for her absolution. He felt her body tremble against his and he yearned to kiss away every heartache he had inflicted on her.

"Forgive me…forgive me, Love…I need you desperately…p-please forgive me…"

Kate reached for him and cradled his face in her hands, "It's alright, Anders. All is forgiven. You're here with me now. "

Anders stared into her beautiful face, tears stung his eyes. How could he have denied both of them this, how had he managed to resist her for so long. He laced his fingers through her hair, "Oh Kate…my precious Kate, I don't deserve you. I still fear that I will only bring you pain, but if you will have me, I will do my best to love you the way you deserve to be loved."

"That is all I have ever wanted."

Damn he was so unworthy of her, but he was going to savor the peace that now flooded his body as he clung to her. This was home. She was home and he was never going to leave her again. He fiercely claimed her mouth, her velvety lips moved under his as she gave back all that he gave her.

Anders' lips moved down her neck, across her collarbone to the swells of her breasts that protruded from the top of her dress. Anders swirled his tongue along the tops of her delicious breasts as he quickly unlaced the bodice and pulled it off of her shoulders. He wanted to torture himself the perfect nakedness of her body and reacquainted himself with all the supple intimate parts of her that he knew so well and that would make her gasp and cry out his name. He wanted to bury himself so deeply in her that he would be lost forever.

Anders took her hardened nipple into his mouth and with the other hand gently pinched the nipple of the other breast. A moan escaped Kate's lips, he felt her body shutter as she entwined her fingers in his hair.

"You taste so sweet, Kate," Anders moaned. "Even better than I remember."

He slipped his hand down as he pushed the dress further past her waist. She lifted her hips as he pulled the dress past her bottom and let it puddle to the floor. His eyes hungrily devoured her magnificent body, his fingers slipped beneath her small clothes and pushed them to the ground. Kate murmured his name, low and deep in her throat with such a hunger that it sent a burning wave of heat through his body and seared at his very soul.

He hungered with a voracious appetite for the woman before him, and he fed his craving for her by kissing his way down her breasts to her stomach. His tongue stroked and swirled over her silky skin as he drank in the delicious taste of her. He parted her legs and slid between them. He kissed and licked his way up and down the inside of her thighs; he heard her breath quicken with anticipation as his fingers brushing against her soft folds. Anders lifted her legs and hooked them over his shoulders as he edged closer, his eyes savored the sight of her dewy center as he breathed in the scent of her arousal. Anders' fingers combed through the damp curls before he gently opened her to his hungry eyes.

"Maker, so beautiful… just… mmm…" he murmured, his lips covered shimmering pink skin. Anders' tongue swept over her hot center, darting in and out of her before he moved up to her swollen nub, and then repeated the same movement all over again.

She moaned. "Oh… fuck… Anders…"

Anders smiled as Kate dug her heels into his back to pull him closer as his tongue continued to lick, twirl, and suck at her, coaxing her closer and closer to the edge. He brought his fingers up and slid them into her hot center, and then pulled them out again.

"Ande… Maker… fuck," she cried out, her fists clenching the blankets. He thrust his long fingers in and out while he sucked and licked her pearl, his tongue teasing and twirling around the hard nub.

"De… lic…ous…" Anders moaned as he lightly grazed the tender flesh with his teeth. "My sweet Kat… you… taste… wonderful," he whispered against her flesh, and the vibration caused her to arch her back and press harder against his talented mouth.

"Anders… close… oh Maker… so close…" Kate sobbed as the sweet agony of her impending orgasm grew stronger with every sweep of his tongue and every thrust of his fingers.

Anders increased the pressure against her taut nub as he drove his fingers into her with increased speed. "Come... come for me, Kate," he said, speaking around the quivering flesh against his mouth. "I want to taste you on my tongue."

"Oh… Anders, yessss." She screamed as pure ecstasy washed over her. Her thighs closed around him as she arched into him, her hips thrust against his mouth and hand as the intensity of the orgasm coursed through her. "Anders." She chanted his name over and over again. He loved the sound of his name falling from her lips.

Anders' mouth never left her core, he groaned as the sweet evidence of her climax flowed into his mouth, and over his lips. His tongue replaced his fingers at her opening as it darted in and out of her throbbing center while his fingers circled her swollen nub.

"Oooo… mmmm, yessss baby," she cried out as another strong orgasm burst through her. Anders continued to lovingly stroke her, slowly easing up until she lay there completely sated, only the occasional tremor passing through her.

Anders gently removed her legs from his shoulders, got to his feet, quickly removing his trousers. He climbed beside her. Then her hands captured his face to pull his mouth to hers. She kissed him ravenously then pushed him on his back as she began to kiss her way down his neck, to his chest down to his stomach. She slid between his legs as her soft lips brushed against the sensitive tip of his cock. She took him in her warm, velvety mouth and a cry of intense pleasure tore from his throat. Anders gripped the sheets as the suction from her mouth caused unspeakable ecstasy to rip through him. She swirled her tongue around the tip before taking him deep into her throat.

"F-fuck…sweet Kate…" he moaned, but he never took his eyes off of her as she gripped him with her lush lips. Anders basked in the heat of her mouth as he struggled to remain in control, the rhythm of her strokes increased.

Oh Maker, she felt incredible. His body ached from the heat of her touch and he let out a groan as she looked up at him, her mouth enfolded tightly around him. She laced her tongue around him again and it took every ounce of strength not to release into her.

His finger entwined in her hair as he watched her head glide back and forth. "By the Maker, y-you're trying to kill me," he gasped.

Her only reply was to begin to stroke the base of him with her hand while her tongue licked and sucked at his sensitive tip. He cried out her name in a chorus of supplication. He was lost in the exquisite torture that she was unleashing upon him. She was a gift to him from the Maker, one that he didn't deserve, but one that he would spend the rest of his life cherishing.

He knew he wouldn't last much longer, so he grasped her wrist and pulled her up. He needed to be in her, to feel her wrapped tightly around him. He was so hard that by the time she actually straddled him, he thought he might shatter. The moment he entered her, fire burned through him and his vision actually blurred as her heat enfolded him, her muscles contracting around him. She began to move slowly against him and as she glided back and forth, she gripped him with each stroke, causing him to shudder with pleasure. It was such sweet torture, but his body was now demanding release. He grasped her hips and began to move her faster and harder against him. His hips thrust up against her, driving deeper into her. She cried out as she arched her back and her beautiful breasts swayed with each movement.

Anders' needed to be deeper in her; with one arm around her waist and the other on her hip, he rolled her over burying himself in her to the hilt. She moaned out his name as she wrapped her legs around him, bringing him even deeper into her.

Anders dipped his head down to capture a nipple in his mouth. He gently pulled and tugged as she ran her nails along his back to arse and gripped him hard, encouraging him to pick up the pace. He leaned up on his arms and began driving himself quickly in and out of her.

"Anders, yesss…" She moaned as the sensation built up, growing more intense with every thrust. He shifted, slipped his hand between them, and stroked her nub. She cried out his name again.

"Kat…" He moaned as she rocked with him, and he could feel that she was close to her climax. He moved harder and faster against her, and felt her body stiffen and writhe beneath him as the wave of pleasure broke hard.

Anders continued to thrust into her to prolong her pleasure and he groaned as her nails bit into the skin of his shoulder. He yelled out her name as he collapsed onto her, his hands slid under her as he clutched her shoulders. His hips slammed into her, over and over again, as his orgasm overtook him and he poured himself deep into her. She rhythmically clenched and unclenched her inner muscles around his still-moving member, milking him completely.

"Sweet Andraste's arse," Anders said against her neck. "Fuck me, that was incredible."

She giggled, "I do believe, I did just that."

"Maker…yes, you did," Anders moaned as he kissed the side of her neck, breathing her in. She smelled like jasmine, sweat and glorious sex and he had dreamed of this smell for three years. He slid out of her, rolled on his back and brought her with him.

She kissed his chest and looked into his eyes. "P-please tell me you aren't leaving me in the morning."

"No, Love, I am here for as long as you want me."

She snickered, "And what if I never let you go?"

"Then that is how long I will stay."

She rested her chin on his chest, "And if I want you to live here…with me…"

His heart was pounding, there was no way she couldn't hear it. "You want me to live with you…here…in front of all of Kirkwall's society…a wanted apostate"

"Yes, I have wanted you by my side ever since I first saw you in your clinic."

"Oh, Kate," Anders moaned as he pulled her up to his lips. "I've wasted so much time. I'm so…"

"If you apologize one more time, I'll sick Mr. Gordo on you."

Anders laughed, "Fine, you win this time." Anders lovingly, tenderly kissed her. He poured his heart into that kiss trying to express his undying love for her.

When she finally pulled away she slid on top of him and gazed into his eyes for a very long time. She leaned down to kiss him and just before her lips met his, she whispered, "I love you, Anders."

"I love you too, Kate," he sighed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – On one of Jinxy's play-through's, she played a slutty Hawke who managed to sleep with Fenris, Isabela, Merrill and Anders. She even had the nerve to kick the sexy apostate out of her house once she had her fun with him. As hard as I have tried to be the slut of Kirkwall, that is something I have never been able to do. It was from her play-through that made me decide to make Anders silently suffer while Kate worked out her inner demons. I didn't want to make Kate as loose as Jinx Hawke, but I did want to make Anders squirm a little while he watched Kate try to bury her feelings for him in others. **

***Thank you everyone that has added this story to their favs and alert lists. It warms my heart to know that you are enjoying my little tale. A huge shout out to everyone who took the time to write review; your thoughts and opinions bring a smile to my face. **

***I can't thank the spanktabulous Bonkzy enough for being my guest beta while Jinxy if on vacation. You have some big shoes to fill, but you are doing a smashing job of it, my friend. Thank you so much.**


	9. Chapter 9  We Are the Champions

**Chapter 9 – We Are the Champions**

"I've taken my bows and my curtain calls

You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it, I thank you all

But it's been no bed of roses, no pleasure cruise

I consider it a challenge before the whole human race, and I ain't gonna lose

We are the champions - my friends and we'll keep on fighting till the end

We are the champions, we are the champions

No time for losers, 'Cause we are the champions - of the world"

_We Are the Champions by Queen_

Varric watched Anders pace nervously around the room as the two mages prepared for the ritual. It was extremely unusual to see the mage so anxious regarding magic. If there was one thing that Anders excelled at it was spell casting. Varric grabbed Anders arm when he walked by, Anders' eyebrows furrowed as he looked at him.

"Why so uneasy, Blondie? It's not like you have never been to the Fade before."

"Oh, I don't know, Varric, maybe it's all the demons that will immediately be drawn to me since I'm a mage; perhaps going back with a Fade Spirit still inside me has me a bit tense, or perhaps it's the fact that I could search for days in that vast wasteland and never find Kate. Take your pick," Anders replied sarcastically.

"I know tension is high, my friend, but there's no need to get snarky. You need to have faith in times of peril."

Anders let out a long sigh, "I'm sorry, Varric. I know you are just as worried about her as I am. I just don't know how I'm going to find her that infinite dreamland and I fear she is running out of time."

"If anyone can find her, Blondie, it's you. You could always take the Rivaini with you as your daring sidekick."

"I think that prospect would be even more frightening than facing a rage demon."

"Knowing Isabela as well as we do, she'll probably try to seduce them just to help you escape."

"Aaah, I think I could have done without _that_ visual, thanks."

"At your service as always" Varric said with a grin.

Varric had been apprehensive when Kate and Anders had finally sorted through all of their issues and gotten together. He knew the mage was sporting a serious case of the crazies, but it was also clear to everyone how much Anders loved Kate and how devoted he was to her. Varric had once voiced his concern about Blondie to her, but in typical Kate fashion, she had made a joke out of it as she tried to calm his fears. So he never brought it up to her again, but he kept an eye on Anders and paid others handsomely to watch him closely. However, over time, Anders' actions forced Varric to admit that the mage's devotion to her bordered on worship. Anders adored Kate as did she with regards to him and for three years theirs was a love affair to rival anything written in fairy tales as the Champion and her mage lived and loved their way into the history books.

As Anders continued to pace, Varric dragged a chair up to the fireplace, pulled out his journal and began to script one of his favorite Hawke stories.

_It was a cold, blustery day when the young Champion and her companions arrived at the Bone Pit. It was late in the afternoon and as the sun began to sink in the grey winter sky, long dark shadows fell across the valley floor. They made their way down the narrow path to the gorge below when a loud screech rose from high above them. Their heads immediately shot up and looked at the enormous high dragon that swooped down and landed in front of them._

_Hawke laughed, "As ugly as you are, you might want to pipe down and not draw so much attention to yourself. Between us girls you're looking a bit haggard around the eyes." _

"_Umhmm, Hawke, you do realize that is a high dragon?" Fenris asked._

"_Well, from a distance it almost resembles the Knight-Commander, but I do believe I can make the distinction," Hawke replied calmly._

_"It's a mistake that can easily be made. I can see some similarity. Especially around the teeth," Anders chuckled._

"_I don't believe that you're going to be able to kill it with witty repartee," the elf replied._

_"My wit is deadly, or haven't you noticed that yet?"_

_The dragon blew a huge ball of fire at them. As they all ran for cover, The incredibly charming dwarf yelled, "I don't think it appreciated being compared to Meredith."_

_Rolling behind a rock, barely missing the wave of flames, Hawke grunted, "Yeah, good point. That might not have been the smartest move."_

_From the amazingly handsome dwarf's vantage point he watched in awe as Hawke began to move at lightning speed, gracefully dancing around, slicing and stabbing the beast from behind. The monster spun around quickly and spewed a small inferno before Hawke could even react. In an effort to save his beloved, the strikingly good-looking mage created a magic spell on the spot that enveloped Hawke's skin, protecting it from the blaze, but the spell was not powerful enough to shield her clothes from the flames. They burnt to a crisp and the ashes crumpled to the ground leaving the Champion as naked as the day she was born._

_Never being one to allow dire circumstances to stand in her way, the Champion grabbed her daggers, leapt to her feet and declared, "Just try not to be jealous of my naked splendor while I kick your ass!"_

_The stark-naked hero spun and twirled her dance of death around the beast until she had the monster completely exhausted. When she had the beast exactly where she wanted, she hurdled herself in the air and drove her blade into the creature's throat, slicing it wide open. As she jumped to the ground, the dragon gave one last effort to kill its enemy by whipping its tail through the air and slicing Hawke's side open. She crumbled to the ground as a loud wail rose from the mage and he rushed to his love's side. _

_Pushing his emotions aside, the handsome mage concentrated all of his healing energy at his treasured rogue…_

"Maker's bloody balls, **naked**! You have her fighting a high dragon **naked**!" Anders exclaimed from over Varric's shoulder.

"Has anyone ever told you it's rude to read someone's journal?"

"I don't care if you are one of her best friends; she is going to kick your arse if you retell that story with her being naked. It would be better to have her fly around on a griffon while she disemboweled the dragon than to have her run around naked," Anders retorted.

"Oh, cause a griffon will add levity to the tale," Varric replied.

"At least your family jewels will still be intact."

Varric chuckled. "Good point, Blondie."

As Anders resumed his pacing, Varric flipped back several pages in his journal as he tried to decide which tale to work on next. He smiled as he remember the time that he had walked into Hawke's estate to find Orana playing the lute as Anders twirled and spun Kate around the room. While Mr. Gordo excitedly bounced around them and Sandal and Bodahn clapped enthusiastically. The sheer bliss that radiated from Kate's face had reassured Varric that despite all of Anders flaws, he was hopelessly in love with her and he made her extremely happy.

Those private moments that he and the other companions occasionally were able to witness, were off limits for Varric's tales. Not because Hawke had asked him to leave them out, but because they were too personal, too intimate to share with the general public. He was glad that he had been able to be a bystander and watch one of the greatest love stories he had ever seen unfold before him. He cared about the two of them too much to allow their love to be put on public display.

Varric flipped to a page that was one of his favorite stories to tell. He smoothed out the pages as he reread the tale and added a few embellishes here and there.

_It was well after midnight as the group of companions quietly made their way up the Chantry stairs. Isabela had sworn that the Raiders would be there with the relic, but the pirate wench had made the same proclamation when she had taken them on a wild goose chase in the Planasene Forest that was overrun with the walking dead, talking trees and the occasional darkspawn._

_As they stepped into the Chantry Courtyard, a tall, muscular shape emerged from the shadows. As the moonlight illuminated his hard features, The dashingly handsome dwarf noticed a large scar that ran down the side of his face, and as the man spoke in a heavy Antivan accent, his thumb caressed the old wound. "Isabela, la mia bella trattare, it's so good to see you again. I have been anxiously anticipating our happy reunion."_

"_Andraste's sweet twat, it's a set-up Kate," Isabela hissed under her breath._

"_This is my shocked face," Hawke replied dryly as her index finger drew an imaginary circle around her apathetic face. _

_"You're making it sound as if I purposefully place your life in danger on a daily basis," Isabela said defensively._

_"Perhaps it's because you DO!" Hawke exclaimed._

_"I never purposely place your life in danger, Kitten. There are always extenuating circumstances," Isabela explained._

_"You are an extenuating circumstance all on your own, Rivaini." The charming dwarf chuckled as he pulled Bianca off of his back._

_"Would that be the good kind or the bad kind?" Isabela asked as she too anticipated the fight and unsheathed her daggers._

_"Do you really have to ask?" Anders retorted._

"_Is there a good kind with you, wench?" Fenris questioned._

"_Well, if memory serves me correctly, this morning you said I was very good, Fenris," Isabela replied._

_Hawke began to choke. "What? When the hell did that happen?"_

_A cough came from the scarred man and they all turned to look at him. He had been joined by at least a dozen more mercenaries. "As fascinating as your love life is, Isa…and if memory serves __**me **__correctly, it was very fascinating, but that is not the reason for this little reunion."_

"_Oooh poor Adriano, I didn't realize you were feeling left out," Isabela cooed._

"_Why don't we cut the shit and tell you us why we are here?" Hawke demanded._

_A sinister grin spread across the Antivan's face as his thumb rubbed the long scar. "Let's just say I'm here to repay an old debt, and when I through with you my pet…" the man gave a menacing laugh as he withdrew a large jagged knife. "Let's just say that between us, I'll be the prettier of the two."_

_Hawke tilted her head slightly as an ominous grin of her own swept across her face. "If you want her, you'll have to go through me first."_

"_That can be arranged," Adriano hissed as he lunged for Hawke, but already anticipating his move both Hawke and Isabela disappeared into the shadows of the night, only to reappear directly behind the Antivan. Both of them thrust their blades towards the man's back, but he managed to twist out of their grasp._

_Varric and Anders quickly fell back and began to aid the two rogues with suppressing fire as Fenris rushed into the heat of the battle. Both Hawke and Isabela sliced and cut their way through the Raiders; fighting two sometimes three soldiers at a time. They had just begun to get the upper hand when a half dozen more mercenaries jumped down from the low hanging rooftops to join the skirmish. Four of the goons had Hawke cornered and were moving in for the kill when Anders cast a conjuring spell. From out of nowhere, a griffon swooped down and plucked Hawke out of the heat of the battle…_

"A sodding griffon, are you insane, dwarf?" Anders exclaimed.

"Why does Kate get to ride the griffon?" Isabela questioned.

Varric spun around to see both the pirate wench and the mage looking over his shoulder. "Is _private_ a term that I need to define for you?"

Both of them ignored his question as they stared at him dumbfoundedly with a look of disbelief at the liberties he had taken with the story.

"I want a griffon too, Varric," Isabela said as she feigned a pout.

"You don't get a griffon because you're not the Champion," Varric explained.

"But I'm the Champion's sidekick. Can I have baby griffon?"

"You can have a griffon feather. Would that help?" Varric offered.

Isabela pouted and batted her eyes at the dwarf, "Please, Varric. Kate always gets the best toys. This time I really want a griffon too."

Anders grinned, "I'll vouch for the best toys part."

"That's because you are the toy most of the time!" Isabela stated as she turned her attention back to Varric. "Please, Varric, you know you're my favorite dwarf of all time and if you give me a griffon, I promise not to harass you about letting me touch Bianca."

"You're bargaining skills aren't good enough to sway me, Rivaini."

"I'll even throw in a free chesthair scratching session for an entire year," Isabela purred.

"Hmmm, that would be nice and it's a tempting offer, but I'm not biting."

"Alright, I will buy your ale for the next six months," Isabela offered.

"Make it a year and you have yourself a griffon," Varric countered.

"Fine! But I want my griffon to be bigger than Kate's."

"It always comes down to size," Varric chuckled.

Isabela looked over at the mage couple as they worked on their preparations for the ritual. "Are they almost ready?"

Anders looked over at them and nodded. "It won't be much longer."

"Good, all this waiting is making me antsy. I need some rum or sex or both... Ohh, both will be good!."

"Well you polished off all the rum last night," Anders stated.

"And the sex?" Isabela said with a grin.

"If your need is so great, you can always let your fingers do the walking," Anders stated.

"I did that last night after I polished off the rum. It barely took the edge off. Come on Anders, for old times' sake."

"You're joking, right?"

"I never joke about rum or sex."

"Some sidekick you are, Rivaini."

"Oh, Kate completely understands my needs."

"Sorry Isabela, but you're on your own this time," Anders replied as he turned to head over to the two mages.

Varric pulled a chair back against the wall so that no one could look over his shoulder as worked on his stories. He turned to the one that he had started on last night and let out a sigh. This memory was always painful to recall because it was the day that he almost lost his best friend.

_Varric stood in stunned silence as the pirate wench made her grand entrance carrying the Tome of Koslun and handing it over to the Arishok. Rivaini's reappearance astounded the entire room, but Varric wasn't surprised at all. The two of them had been through too much together for the wench to ever truly dessert her partner in crime and her reappearance had actually given him a glimmer of hope that this whole mess might end peacefully… well as peacefully as it could with hundreds dead in the streets and the city burning to the ground. However, those hopes were quickly dashed as the Arishok handed the tome over to one of his men._

"_The tome is returned. I am now free to leave and return home…with the thief." The very stylish dwarf shook his head and stuck his finger in his ear to make sure he heard the Qunari leader correctly. _

"_What?" Isabela questioned._

"_You thought you could steal their priceless tome, strand them here for four years and not pay a price for that?" Fenris scoffed._

"_She stole the Tome of Koslun, she must return with us," the Arishok declared._

_Bold and definite, Hawke glared at the Arishok,"You have your precious relic. So leave, but she stays with us."_

"_I don't think he is going to like hearing that. Rivaini, you might want to step back a bit," The fetching dwarf warned._

_The Arishok shook his head. "Hawke, you command respect that few in this city deserve, but you leave me no other choice; you and I will battle to the death with her as the prize."_

"_She isn't a prize, you Neanderthal! She is a human being!" Hawke exclaimed in outrage._

"_What? No! If you're going to duel anyone, duel me!" Isabela interjected._

"_You are not worthy," the Arishok replied._

"_Fine! You condescending pig, let's dance," Hawke declared._

_Varric was definitely going to have to get his hearing checked. He had to have heard her wrong. There was no way in hell that Hawke just agreed to duel the Arishok in single combat. That was insane! However, one glance at Anders' pale face and he knew he had heard her right. Varric knew that Hawke was an extremely capable fighter…_ _extraordinary actually, but this was the Arishok and for the first time in his life, he feared that he might actually lose her._

_In horror, Varric stood beside Anders as Hawke battled the Arishok to the death. She was quick, agile and most of the Qunari leader's blows completely missed her, but when one of his strikes connected, the bastard made damn sure it counted. Varric heard Anders' breath catch in his throat when the Arishok charged her, and drove her to the ground. Both of them watched helplessly as she struggled to her feet, her hand gripped her side as blood poured out, soaking through her armor. _

_Varric cursed under his breath as the Arishok charged again, but this time Hawke threw up a decoy and rolled out of the qunari's reach. She came up behind him and drove her daggers into his back. What should have been an injury that drove him to his knees only incensed his rage. He wheeled around, plunged his blade into Hawke's side then picked her up and slammed her into a pillar. She crumbled to the ground and didn't move._

"_Oh Maker…NO! Get up! Please, please, Kate, don't be dead!" Anders exclaimed._

"_Kate, don't you do this to me!" Isabela yelled._

_"Come on, Hawke get up," Fenris begged under his breath._

_Varric didn't say anything because for once he was completely incapable of forming words, but for the first time in years, he prayed to the ancestors to spare her life. He had never met anyone like her and he knew he would never meet anyone like her again. She was unique, she was priceless and she was his best friend. She was the only one that completely understood him, that always stood beside him and would defend him with her life. He couldn't lose her. _

_She remained motionless for what seemed like an eternity before she began to move. The Arishok sauntered over and glowered down at her. Just as he raised his sword above his head to deliver the killing blow, her hands grasped her daggers and as the blade began its decent, Hawke rolled toward him. His body bent over from the momentum of the swing. Hawke rose to her knees and with all of her might, drove her dagger deep into the Arishok's chest then she twisted the blade and yanked it out. He stumbled backwards, clutching at the hole in his chest that was now gushing blood. Hawke staggered to her feet as she clinched at her side, but keeping her head high and her back straight she stumbled over to the Arishok that had now collapsed. _

_She glared down at him and sneered, "Who's unworthy now?"_

_The Arishok pointed at her and sneered, "One d-day we shall return." Then he fell back, dead._

_At first, the room was quiet with stunned amazement. Then a loud cheer went up as the room erupted into a frenzy of excitement. Much to her dismay, Knight-Commander Meredith, was forced declare Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall. Hawke tried to remain strong, but the loss of blood overwhelmed her and she swayed on her feet. Anders was instantly at her side as he scooped her into his arms and carried his broken, battered, but far from defeated love out of the throne room and back to her estate._

Varric felt a gentle tug on his shoulder. His head lulled to the side as he struggled to clear his head. He rolled his neck to loosen the muscles that had tightened from the awkward way that he had fallen asleep. He looked up into Anders' kind eyes.

The mage nodded to the open journal on his lap and smiled. "We were all afraid that we had lost her that day." Anders paused for a moment before he continued. "I'm glad to see that you didn't embellish what happened."

"There is no need too. What she accomplished that day was remarkable and it forever changed the Free Marches."

"All of her achievements are amazing. Why exaggerate them at all?"

"Because that is how legends are created and it is what will keep her safe. Have you ever noticed that I rarely use her first name? That in my stories I never describe how beautiful, charming or witty she is, but I always expand on her strength, courage and intellect."

Anders nodded. "Yes, now that you mention it, I have observed that."

"It's because the less the public knows about the real Hawke, the easier it is to create a larger than life persona which will give her the ability to blend in better, because everyone will expect this iconic figure not the Hawke that we know and love."

Anders smiled, "You're smarter than you look, dwarf."

"Don't let all this beauty fool you. There is a brain underneath this gorgeous face."

Anders laughed. "That is very apparent. I wanted to let you know that we are about to start the ritual."

Varric stood up. "Okay… good. Hopefully it won't be long now. You're the only one who can bring her back to us, Anders."

"Thanks for not adding on even more pressure."

"I just mean if she wants to come back it will be because of you."

Anders shook his head sadly. "No, it won't. I'm the one that has caused her all this pain. If there is a reason that she doesn't want to come back it would be because of me. I just hope I can convince her that despite what happened in Kirkwall, she has a lot to live for."

"You're wrong, Anders. Everything she has done has been for you. You are her family. She would do anything, sacrifice everything for her family. If she doesn't want to come back it's because she believes that she has failed you just as she failed her father, her brother, her sister and her mother. You need to prove to her that she didn't fail you."

"H-how do I do that?"

"I don't know. Only you can answer that one, my friend."

Varric watched as Anders walked over to join the other mages as they formed a circle to begin the ritual. An sudden feeling of dread washed over him and try as he might he couldn't shake it. So he forced himself to think about one of those private moments between Kate and Anders that he had been privileged enough to see.

_Varric had gone over to Hawke's estate late one night to retrieve a book on the dwarven houses of nobility that he had lent her. She was in the library, curled up in chair, in front of the fire, reading a book. She was wearing a pair of reading spectacles. Varric thought they made her look very studious, but Anders had a very different reaction when he came back from an emergency at the clinic. Varric was about to head back down the stairs from the loft when the mage entered the room._

_From the doorway, Anders studied Kate as a mischievous grin spread across his lips. "You know it drives me crazy when you wear those glasses. You look all sexy scholar in those, which makes me very hot for the teacher."_

_She giggled. "So you want to play Sexy Enchanter and the Naughty Apprentice again?"_

_His impish grin grew even wider as he made his way over to her. He leaned into her, ran his hand down her shoulder, across the satin robe and cupped her breast. "Only if the Sexy Enchanter promises to wear that garter and stockings that I bought her and lets me tie..."_

_"Well, color me entertained! Now I don't know whether I should stay and watch or just make up something juicy, all on my own," Varric chuckled as he started down the stairs._

_Anders immediately stood up, his face a deep crimson. He looked down at Hawke, "You could have mentioned he was here before you let me go on like that."_

_She grinned roguishly at him, "And miss the chance to see you in the perfect shade of red? NEVER!"_

_Anders didn't even hesitate; he bent over, scooped Hawke into his arms and started for the stairs toward their bedroom. He glanced over his shoulder at Varric, "I hope you won't be terribly disappointed if I don't show you out, but I do believe a lesson in manners is about to be taught."_

In spite of how things ended in Kirkwall, there was a time that Anders had once again found peace in the arms of the woman that he had loved most of his life. The two of them had once again found happiness and contentment in each other, but as with most things in this life, nothing lasts forever.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Italian lesson for the day. La mia bella trattare - my lovely treat.**

*** A huge thank you to those of you who have favored, alerted and reviewed this story. You make my day so much brighter. I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Please continue.**

*** A huge spankalicous thank you to my fanfreckintastic guest beta, Bonkzy, for her rad, mad beta-ing skills. I appreciate your help turning my ramblings into cohesive sentences. You rock!**


	10. Chapter 10 The Sound of Silence

**Chapter 10- The Sound of Silence**

"Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again,

Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping,

And the vision that was planted in my brain,

Still remains, within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone, Narrow streets of cobblestone,

'neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp

When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light

That split the night, and touched the sound of silence."

_The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel_

Varric and Isabela stood in the corner and watched as Anders prepared to enter the Fade. Varric could tell that Isabela was nervous as the pirate wench rung her hands together for the third time. He had to admit that he was a bit anxious himself, and the jumpy rogue was doing nothing to calm his apprehension. As the mage couple calmly made their final preparations, their composed demeanor reassured Varric and soothed his anxiety.

Kate was lying on a bedroll on the floor. On a pedestal behind her head was a bowl of pure liquid lyrium that shimmered, giving Anders, who stood behind the basin, a blue glow that for once had nothing to do with the Spirit that resided inside him. Standing on either side of Kate was Declan, the husband, and Shivon, his wife. Declan bent over Kate and with a small dagger he cut a long strip off of her night shirt. Then he gently picked up Kate's hand and slit her palm open. Isabela began to protest, but Anders shot her a warning look, the rogue sank back against the wall and continued to ring her hands.

Declan took the strip of cloth from Kate's night shirt, soaked it in the blood that was now oozing from the wound on her hand. When the fabric had turned completely crimson Declan handed it to his wife. As Declan healed Kate's hand, Shivon wrapped the blood soaked material around a large amethyst colored crystal as she chanted an incantation. As the spell ended, the gem glowed a vibrant purple and vibrated within her hand. She smiled as she handed it to Anders.

"This will act as a guide to aid you in your search. The closer that you get to her the brighter the quartz will glow, and the harder it will vibrate," Shivon explained.

Anders took the crystal and placed it in the pocket of his robes. "Thank you, this will hopefully make it easier to find her."

"If she wants to be found, this will definitely help you do that," she stated.

Declan stood up. "Are you ready, Anders?"

Anders nodded, uncorked the vial of lyrium and drank. The couple began to chant, the basin began to glow as smoke rose from the surface. Anders took a deep breath as he reached into the bowl. The moment his hand touched the lyrium, a bright light emanated from the basin and into his hand, the light coursed through him until it completely enveloped him and then he completely disappeared.

"Holy shit," Isabela breathed out.

"You got that right," Varric mumbled, as he warily sat down in the chair near her. He pulled out a flask and took a long pull on the amber liquid. As the warm liquor burned a path down his throat, he said, "There is never a dull moment with you around, Hawke."

He passed the container to Isabela who also took a long draw from it. She wiped her lips with the back of her hand. "That's why we keep you around ol' girl."

Varric chuckled. "She is going to kick your ass for calling her that."

"It won't be the first time," Isabela said with a long sigh as she looked over at Kate's motionless body. "And I pray it won't be the last." She took another long sip and then handed the flask back to Varric.

"It won't." Varric said sounding more confident than he felt. He took another sip and then laughed, "Do you remember that time when she found out that you were cheating at darts?"

Isabela started chuckling, "Yes! Thank the Maker that she had removed her daggers so that she could throw better, or else I'm pretty sure she would have created a new orifice for me."

"Yes, I do recall Fenris restraining her while I hid her blades," Varric chuckled.

A wide grin spread across his face as he remembered that night. Things with Anders…actually Justice had rapidly deteriorated, which always had Kate on edge. That night was the last time he had enjoyed an evening with her before everything had gone to hell.

_Varric, Fenris, Hawke and Isabela were completely exhausted after finding the last Awiergan Scroll. They dragged themselves into the Hanged Man. Varric secured them a table and ordered two pitchers of ale, he knew the first one would be gone in a matter of minutes._

"_By a paragon's stinky arse, that was the biggest, ugliest Pride demon I have ever seen," Varric sighed as he gulped down his first mug of ale._

"_I thought he was never going to die. That damn green glowy thing he did was seriously starting to piss me off," Isabela added._

"_Whose idiotic idea was it to go face Hybris without a mage," Varric grumbled as he tenderly touched the black eye that he was sporting. Fenris grumbled in agreement as he removed his gauntlets, revealing numerous cuts and bruises._

_Kate humbly raised her hand. "Well, Merrill and I aren't on the best terms right now, since her stupid actions forced me to annihilate an entire Dalish clan. And Anders…well he hasn't really been himself lately."_

_Isabela winced as she propped her foot up on the table and gingerly untied her boots. There was a huge gash that ran down her calf. "Well, I could really use some healing right about now." _

_Varric asked Norah for a bowl of clean water and some clean clothes, as he handed her a healing potion. "Drink this while I clean up that wound so that it doesn't get infected."_

"_If you're playing doctor, Varric," Kate lifted her rogue's armor to show a nasty gash across her stomach._

"_Maker's breath Kitten, why didn't you say something?"_

"_You know me; I take a lickin' and keep on tickin'"_

_Isabela smiled mischievously at her. "Oh yesss, I do…especially the lickin' part."_

_Fenris rolled his eyes as he leaned down and examined the wound. "That looks deep, Hawke."_

"_Oh, it looks worse than it feels, but if Varric is passing out healing potions. I could use one."_

"_Anders really should look at that," Isabela insisted._

"_If he is there when I get home tonight, I'll have him heal it," Kate said, as she pressed a damp cloth against her side to stop the blood from oozing down her abdomen._

_Fenris raised an eyebrow, "The abomination isn't coming home at night?"_

_Kate's eyes looked sad as she replied. "He has been working a lot of late nights at the clinic." She grabbed her mug and before anyone could say anything she raised her glass. "Here's to our enemies, lying face down, cold in their graves."_

_They all grinned as the raised their glasses and shouted, "Salute!"_

"_So you haven't spoken to Merrill since our trip to Sundermount?" Isabela asked._

_Kate shook her head. "No…I just don't know what to say. I'm still so angry at her."_

_They all nodded in agreement, but remained silent. To help ease the tension, Varric raised his glass for another toast and his companions followed his lead._

"_Here's to the perfect Girl, I couldn't ask for more, she's deaf, dumb, oversexed, and owns a liquor store."_

"_Salute!" They all said in unison._

_"Well except for the liquor store, I believe you just described Bianca," Fenris stated coolly._

"_Well if Aveline would ever do her job, my precious Bianca could own the Hanged Man," Varric stated._

_Kate laughed then winced as she grabbed her side. "Dream on, my stout friend. I don't see that happening."_

_Varric raised an eyebrow. "Hawke, Anders should…"_

_She waved him off. "I'll be fine just as soon as that healing draught kicks in."_

"_Hey, the dart board is free. How about we play Cricket?" Isabela suggested._

"_You cheat," Fenris stated._

"_That has never been proven," Isabela said dryly._

"_We all know you cheat, Bells, but I'll still beat ya," Kate cooed._

_Isabela grinned as she stood up and made her way over to the dart board. "Care to place a wager on that."_

_Kate, Fenris, and Varric followed. "Okay, Fenris and me, verses you and Varric. Loser buys the ale for the rest of the night." _

"_I'll take that bet," Varric chimed in._

"_Is that the best that you got? Loser buys the ale. How original?" Isabela taunted._

"_Free ale always sounds good to me, but tell me what you had in mind," Kate replied._

_A roguish grin spread across Isabela's face, but before she could even make a suggestion Kate added, "As long as it doesn't involve me sleeping with you."_

"_Well we won't necessarily be sleeping," Isabela countered. _

_"We won't be doing anything that involves the removal of clothing, groping, touching, licking, sucking or any other thing that is going through that wicked mind of yours," Kate stated._

_"Hmmm, I wonder if you can have sex without the removal of clothing, groping, touching, licking, or sucking," Isabela pondered._

_"That would be an interesting challenge," Fenris stated._

_"Let me make this clear as I can, there will be no penetration of any kind. Is that clear?" Kate demanded._

_"No poking whatsoever? Not ever a little?" Isabela cooed._

_"How about I poke this dart so far up your arse that I could use your tonsils as a bullseye?"_

_"I do believe that was one of Madam Lusine's specials at the Blooming Rose last week," Varric chuckled._

_"So that's why half of Kirkwall has all but disappeared," Fenris said._

_"Yep, and the other half will disappear this week for the donkey show she brought in," Varric stated matter-of-factly._

_"I will make sure not to miss out on that!" Isabela exclaimed._

_"That statement gives new meaning to the word 'animal lover,'" Varric said dryly._

_Kate laughed then gripped her side. "Kitten, are you okay?"_

"_I'm fine, but it would be really great if that healing potion started to work."_

"_That was an extra strength one, Hawke. I think we should send for Anders."_

"_NO!" Kate exclaimed then she quickly reigned in her emotions. "Anders is busy and I am fine."_

_Varric's eyes narrowed, but then he quickly said, "Okay fine, but here is another potion."_

_She took it from him as he continued, "Since you and Rivaini can't make up your minds regarding the bet, let me propose this. The looser has to be at the winner's beck and call for an entire month. They have to follow every command, no matter how outrageous it is…" Kate was about to protest, but Varric waved her off. "However, the commands cannot be sexual in nature."_

_Kate smiled, but Isabela pouted. "Where's the fun in that? Can we at least make them dress up in costumes? I saw this naughty Andraste costume that would look absolutely delicious on you, Kitten?"_

_Varric looked over at Kate. She nodded her consent as she drank the healing potion. "Great, let's get started. The best out of three wins."_

_Varric ordered another pitcher of ale and when Norah brought it over to them, he causally passed the waitress a note. Isabela nodded her approval as she raised her mug of ale, "Here's to heat, not the kind that ignites and burns down shanties, but the kind that excites...and slides down panties!"_

"_Salute!" They called out as Kate stepped up to the line and began to aim her darts. In three quick throws she closed out twenties. Isabela stepped up; taking careful aim she hit three triples, closing out fifteens, seventeens and nineteens._

"_Fucking cheater," Kate cursed under her breath._

"_Now, now, Hawke. Don't be a sore loser."_

_Fenris stepped up next. Hitting two sixteens and one bullseye. Varric dragged a crate over and hopped on it. He took precise aim. He hit a double on the bullseye closing it out, a triple on the eighteens and a single on the sixteens closing them out and winning the first round for team Visabela._

_Isabela grinned at Kate."Kitten, you're going to look luscious, running around Kirkwall in that costume."_

"_You haven't won yet, wench. I'm just getting warmed up," Kate hissed and she wasn't kidding. She hit a triple on sixteens, and then a double followed by a single to close out fifteens._

_The battle continued with Kate and Fenris winning the second round and the third now tied. It was once again Kate's turn to throw. She needed to close out one of the numbers to keep the game tied. She took careful aim when Varric watched her sway on her feet. He was about to lunge for her, but she regained control as she made three rapid shots, closing out eighteens. Isabela made her way over to the throwing line, Norah accidentally bumped into her, knocking one of her darts out of her hand. Isabela reached for it, but Kate got there first. She palmed the dart in her hand. Her face went ridged with anger. _

"_Weighted darts, you cheating bitch," Kate hissed as she sprung at the pirate. Isabela leapt back just as Fenris grabbed Kate around the waist. She cried out in pain. Varric looked down and saw blood soaking through her shirt._

"_By a paragon's arse, where is that damn mage?"_

_As if being summoned, Anders rushed up. "What the bloody hell…" The sentence faded from his lips as he stared down at Kate who was now lying on the floor soaked in her own blood._

_Anders knelt down beside her as he began to examine her. "Why the hell wasn't I called sooner?"_

"_Kate said you were too busy," Fenris jeered. _

"_What!" Anders growled._

"_Blondie, to be honest the cut looked bad a first, but after I cleaned it up and bandaged it she seemed fine. I sent the note after she had taken two full strength healing potions and it didn't seem to help with the pain."_

"_Two!" Anders exclaimed as his hands began to glow blue with healing magic. "Oh it helped alright. It masked the pain perfectly, until injured artery finally burst open."_

"_This is your fault, mage," Fenris growled._

_Still running his hand over her body, sending healing magic into all of her vessels and veins, Anders hissed, "Oh this should be good. How do you figure that?"_

"_Maybe if you actually took care of her and looked after her, she wouldn't be worried about interrupting whatever it is that you and the demon are cooking up?"_

_Varric saw the color drain from Anders' face."W-what? She was afraid to ask for my help."_

"_She said that you are spending most nights at the clinic while she waits; all alone in that big bed of hers for her wayward apostate to come home to her. Obviously you're neglecting our girl. Keep this up and I might just have to step in to take care of her needs…again!" Isabela declared. _

"_Stay away from her wench," Anders sneered._

"_Love isn't just lip service, Anders. You might want to start acting like you mean those words," Isabela retorted._

"_I do mean them. I do love her," Anders whispered in a defeated tone just as Kate's eyes opened._

_She smiled up at him, "Anders." She said breathlessly._

_Anders pulled her to his chest. "I'm so sorry, Kate. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you." He kissed her forehead and cheeks."P-please don't ever be afraid to come to me; no matter how busy you think I am…" He kissed her lips. "You could have died tonight. I can't lose you."_

_He then stood up, scooped her into his arms and started for the door. Kate looked over her shoulder, "Cheaters forfeit the game and must now fulfill the bet."_

_Isabela smiled with relief. "Gladly," she sighed._

Varric looked over at Isabela. She loved Kate just as much as Anders, but in a very different way. She was good for Kate, it's just that Varric knew that Anders was better for her.

**xxXxx**

It took all of Kate's strength to sit up and ease back against a nearby tree. She was growing weaker, her memories of why she was desperately trying to hang on were fading. She took several deep breaths, forced herself to focus on what was going on around her. She was in a pasture that had a stream that ran through it. This meadow looked very familiar and as she looked around, feelings of love, joy and contentment flooded through her. She had been happy here, this was the field that had been behind their home in Gwaren.

She closed her eyes and smiled as memories of those years flooded through her. Her mother and brother had been alive, her sister was still by her side and Anders…her beautiful mage was whole, healthy and undamaged. She allowed the memories to wash over her, inundating her senses, submerging her in euphoric bliss as images of her sparring with Carver, singing with her mother, cooking with Bethany, and dancing, running, laughing and making love to Anders, engulfed her.

"I want to be happy again," she sighed.

"Katie darlin', I promise one day you will be," the voice of her father said consolingly.

Kate's eyes flew open, she stared into the loving face of her father. Tears welled up, her voice cracked as she spoke. "D-daddy?"

"Yes, Love it's me," Malcolm said tenderly.

"Oh, Daddy," she cried out as she flung herself into her father's loving embrace. His arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly to him, making her feel safe. After a long moment, he kissed her forehead and then sat down beside her.

"Are you real?" She asked.

"Did I feel real just now?"

She smiled, "Yes, what I mean is, am I hallucinating?"

"You are not hallucinating. I am as real as you are in the Fade."

Her eyebrows furrowed, "Are you here to take me to the other side?"

He smiled sincerely at her. "Well that depends."

"On what?"

"There are several factors that still need to play out, so we will have to wait and see." He took her hands into his and gently squeezed them. "Katie darlin', why have you lingered here? Your body is healed and yet your spirit has remained. Why?"

She drew in a long breath then exhaled. "It's just so peaceful here. There are no causes to fight for…no pain…whether intentional or unintentional…no one that needs me…no one I can fail."

Malcolm pulled her back into his arms. "Sweetheart, you have failed no one. You were fifteen when I died. It was my responsibility to protect you, not the other way around, I am the one that failed you…"

Kate began to protest, but Malcolm waved her off. "As your father, I should have seen the type of man Thomas was and shielded you from that. I died the way a father should die… protecting his family. You, my darlin', beautiful daughter, grew up much quicker than I had ever wanted, but you did a wonderful job of providing and protecting our family."

"But, Carver…Mother…"

"Their deaths were beyond your control. Bad things happen to good people all the time. There is no rhyme or reason for it. It's just part of life. It was their time. There was no stopping it. There was nothing you could have done differently that would have given those situations a different outcome. The sooner that you accept this, the better off you're going to be."

"Anders… I failed Anders."

"No Love, you saved Anders."

"How can you say that? He was possessed by a spirit that drove him insane, and convinced him to murder a bunch of innocent people in the name of Justice."

"Katie, you were the anchor that tethered Anders to this world. Without you, he would have lost himself and his mind to Justice long before he did. It wasn't that you failed him or that you didn't love him enough. Anders just no longer had the strength to continue to fight the spirit that was raging within him, but even now his love for you is what gives him the resilience to fight for you because without you, he will surely drown."

Kate burst into tears as she buried her head into her father's chest. "I just don't know if I can do it anymore. I love him… I love him with every fiber of my being, but I just don't know if I have the strength to carry both him and Justice anymore. I'm tired, Dad. I'm so damn tired."

"Life is very uncertain, my dear child, but if there is one thing that will always ring true, there will always be something good that comes out of a horrible situation. From my death you were able to provide a stable home for Carver and Bethany for five years. You emerged from the Deep Roads, able to provide a better life for your mother; a life that I know she missed. From the defeat of the Arishok, you were able to wield your power and influence to save and protect hundreds of mages and from the destruction of the Chantry, Anders and you have changed the lives of mages for generations to come." Malcolm kissed her forehead. "I am so proud you, my darlin' girl, so damn proud and I love you so much. Draw your strength from me and the love I have for you. It will give you the power to carry on and be strong for those that love you. And you are loved, dear Katie. You are surrounded by people that love you and would do anything for you. Hold onto that and remember, no matter what life throws at you, we will be there with you. All of our love will be there to guide and protect you, until the day that you come to join us."

Malcolm held his little girl tight in his arms as he stroked her hair. "Now you rest, darlin'. Close your eyes go to sleep, knowing you are safe in your father's arms."

Kate did as her father instructed and within minutes she was asleep. She woke sometime later, alone to the sound of her name being called. She tried to sit up, but she was too weak. She tried to call out, but no sound would come.

"KATE!" The voice called out again, this time even closer.

She tried to smack the ground trying to make some noise, but she was unable to raise her hand.

"Kate…" Footsteps raced up to her, then fell down beside her. "Oh Kate," Anders moaned pulling her into arms as a single tear trickled down her cheek.

**A/N – First I want to apologize if I didn't personally thank any reviewers on this last chapter. Fall is my busiest time of year at work so I have been a little behind. Thank you to all of my wonderful and faithful reviewers, you guys are awesome and you always make me smile.**

*******Thank you to everyone that has added this story to your fav and alert lists.**

***Well, for this story I haven't done a song yet for my betas so this one is for the Beta Queens, Jinxy and Bonkzy. **

**You are the Beta Queens, young and sweet, only seventeen  
>Beta Queens, feel the period as you proof read<br>You can slash, you can mash, in a dash with your red pen  
>See those girls, watch that scene, digging the Beta Queens<strong>


	11. Chapter 11  Thank You

**Chapter 11 – Thank You**

"If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.  
>When mountains crumble to the sea, there would still be you and me.<br>Kind woman, I give you my all, kind woman, nothing more.

Little drops of rain whisper of the pain, tears of loves lost in the days gone by.  
>Our love is strong, with you there is no wrong,<br>Together we shall go until we die, oh my, my, my.  
>Inspiration's what you are to me, inspiration, look and see.<p>

And so today, my world it smiles, your hand in mine, we walk the miles,  
>Thanks to you it will be done, for you to me are the only one.<br>Happiness, no more be sad, happiness...I'm glad.  
>If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.<br>If the mountains should crumble to the sea, there would still be you and me."

_Thank You by Led Zeppelin_

Anders stumbled slightly as he entered the Fade. He drew his staff as he surveyed the surrounding area. Everything seemed normal…well as normal as things could be in the Fade. Anders pulled out the quartz and looked at it. It remained unchanged. He sighed as he slid it back into his pocket and started down the path in front of him.

He had always hated the Fade even though he was at ease here, not uncomfortable or fearful as some mages he knew. It wasn't the distorted perspective, bad dream vibe that you got here nor was it that demons sought out mages here, much in the same way Isabela trolled for loose men. It was that feeling of ease and composure that he had here that truly unsettled him. It was because of his self-possession while in the Fade, that he had completed his harrowing in record time; a record that had never been beat. Now he wondered, not for the first time, if that is why he had related so effortlessly to Justice.

For the first time in months… since the Chantry, the spirit spoke and not in voice of Vengeance, but in the tone of his old friend. _**Yes, Anders, that is why I was drawn to you. You had a self-assurance that most mages lack while in the Fade. It was hard not to be drawn to you. It was your adamant resolve against blood magic and making deals with demons that I found so captivating.**_

_Justice…I'm surprised to hear from you. I knew that you were still with me, but you have been abnormally quiet. _

_**I know. I had a lot to think about; all of the anger that you had before the Chantry had dissolved. After the explosion, I was able to become myself once again. **_

_You do sound more like my friend, Justice. _

_**I am more like the spirit you met all those years ago in the Fade. **_

_How is that possible?_

_**You released all of your anger, hatred and frustration when that building blew up and you saw the anguish on Kate's face. Seeing her pain caused by your actions broke you, which allowed you to free yourself and me from the venomous grip that hatred had on your mind, body and soul. **_

_I don't understand. I caused Kate pain for years before I gave into my love, need and desire for her. Why didn't seeing her in agony all of those years not do that?_

_**You would have released it sooner… when you first found out that Kate was alive, but unfortunately at that point Vengeance already had a strong foothold on your heart and mind… corrupting both of us.**_

Anders was silent for a long moment, letting Justice's words sink in.

_**I have to apologize to you, Anders. I had known the depth of your outrage over the mistreatment of mages, I would never have suggested merging with you. **_

_How could you have known?_

_**I should have talked to you more in-depth and asked more questions. I'm truly sorry. **_

_What's done is done, Justice. I can't change the past only…_

Anders words died in his mind as he rounded a corner and saw Kate standing in a grove of trees as her long raven hair gently blew in the wind. Her face was relaxed, happy and at peace and when she saw him, her eyes lit up. His feet were moving before he realized it. Justice was yelling something, but he blocked the spirit out. He wanted this reunion to just be the two of them.

She raced to meet him and leapt into his arms. He felt the warmth of her lips as they caressed the side of his neck then his cheek before she found his lips. The instant her mouth connected with his, he knew something was off; he pushed her way to look at her and his heart sank as he looked into those cold cobalt blue eyes.

Justice broke through his barrier and yelled, _**Desire demon!**_

_Yes, I know._

"Good try, demon, but you aren't my Kate."

The fake Kate tilted her head to the side and smiled up at him in the same manner in which he had seen Kate do a thousand times. "Anders… Love, of course it's me."

"You look like her, your mannerisms are hers, but your eyes could never hold the life and vitality that hers hold."

"Held!" The demon said as it changed into its true form. "Your precious Kate is gone."

Anders felt the crystal's minor, but continuous tremors in his pocket; reassuring him that she still drew breath. Anders swiftly pulled his staff off of his back and before the demon could react he cast a cone of cold at it. He followed it up with a stonefist and then rapidly threw fireballs at it until it collapsed to the ground lifeless.

_**You know she is lying about Kate being gone.**_

_Yes, her crystal is still vibrating. _

_**You need to hurry though, Anders. She is growing weaker with each passing minute. **_

_You can feel her?  
><em>

_**Yes, because she is a spirit that doesn't belong here, but I do not know her location… Anders, you need to prepare yourself for the worst. **_

_No! I refuse to let her go! She must survive! She must live!_

_**What if the cost is too great?**_

_No cost is too great! _

The Spirit remained silent as Anders charged down the path. He pulled the crystal out of his hand and let it guide him as he raced toward. When it began to glow purple and vibrate in his hand, he called out, "KATE!"

There was no answer. He spun around and started down the hillside toward a stream that ran through the valley.

"Kate," he called out again as he approached a large oak tree. Anders gasped as he rounded the tree and saw her still form lying on the ground. He rushed over to her and pulled her into his arms.

"Kate," he moaned as he kissed her cheek.

"Please, don't leave me, Kate. You have to keep fighting," he begged. She tried to speak, her lips moved, but no words came out. Anders raised his hands and examined her body. Pausing briefly as he registered something that had escaped his attention before. She was so weak and her spirit was drained. Anders knew a regular rejuvenation spell wouldn't work on her spirit's physical form so he reworked it slightly and cast a spirit rejuvenation spell. As the spell washed over her, some of the color came back to her face.

She feebly raised her hand to touch his face, "You came."

He took her hand, brought it to his lips and kissed her palm, "You knew I would."

She smiled weakly at him, "Yes, I did. I've been waiting for you."

"Why? Why not just return to your body?"

"I've been waiting to say good-bye."

Anders vigorously shook his head, "NO! Don't you dare say good-bye, Kate. I didn't come into the Fade to say farewell to you. I came here to show you that you must live. You must go on!"

"I'm so tired, Anders…"

Anders grasped her face in between his hands, "STOP IT! The Kate I know doesn't quit… ever! You're a fighter. Now, fight, damn you!"

"I don't have the strength… nor the will."

"Kate, please, I-I love you…"

"I-if you love me, let me go, A-anders." Her voice quivered as the spell wore off and her strength once again faded.

"No, no, never!" Anders cast another rejuvenation spell.

"You can't keep me alive through spells."

"I will until you begin to fight."

"Anders, I can't do it anymore…"

"What can't you do?"

"I can't fail you again. The burden is just too great."

"Love, you didn't fail me. I failed you… over and over again, I failed you. And I'm a selfish, selfish man because I need to make it up to you. I won't be able to live with myself if don't."

Anders kissed her soft lips and then whispered against them, "Please… p-please Kate. I can't do this without you. I need you as surely as I need air to live. Don't leave me… please don't leave me." His tears ran down his face and splashed against her cheeks.

Shakily she pressed her hand against his chest. "I love you. Ande…"

He could feel her spirit grow dim and begin to fade. "NO!" He cried out in anguish as he tried another rejuvenation spell, but it had no effect. She had been in the Fade too long and her spirit was too frail and weak to continue to fight. She needed life's essence to revitalize her.

Anders gently laid her down on the ground and withdrew his dagger. Her eyes widened as she tried to shake her head, no. He had no time to slowly drain his blood into her. She was rapidly declining. He began to recite the incantation as he drew the blade across his wrist. He cried out in pain as his vision blurred, but he forced himself to focus as he finished the chant and drew the dagger over his other wrist. He felt his magic and blood rushing out of his body and flooding into her.

Anders fell back against the ground as the heat of the blood magic washed through him, throbbing, pounding, forcing out the blood in his veins. He felt dizzy as the sky began to spin and he shut his eyes tight, trying to make it stop. He squeezed onto the now wildly vibrating crystal in his hand. The magic was working, her spirit was being rejuvenated. He felt her stirring beside him and smiled in the knowledge that she would live.

"Anders," she cried out as leaned over him. "What did you do?"

"For once I didn't fail you, I saved you."

"Anders, please stop the ritual… heal yourself."

"I can't. All of my m-mana is gone."

She reached for his backpack. "Let me get you a lyrium potion."

"I-its too… late… Kate. I'm too weak... t-to heal… myself."

She ignored him as she pulled out bottle of lyrium and pressed it against his lips. "No, you have to try, Anders. For me, you have to try."

Anders drank the potion, but it had little effect as his life continued to drain out of the wounds on his wrists. He shook his head. "Kate, it's no use, but you… t-the world needs you. You m-must live."

"No, no, no, not like this… not at the cost of your life." She tore at her shirt and wrapped the material around the wounds, but the blood was draining too quickly.

"It's better this way, Love. I will be h-hunted like a r-rabid animal u-until they s-see me dead. N-now you have a c-chance for a n-normal life."

"Not without…" she stopped in midsentence as she looked at his hand. She pulled the crystal out and looked at it.

"Blood magic… i-it's how I f-found you," Anders said weakly. Her eyes narrowed as she studied the crystal. She grabbed the dagger that Anders had used and cut a piece of his shirt off. "W-what are you doing?"

"Saving you the way you saved me," she replied as she soaked the fabric in his blood.

Anders grabbed her wrist. "K-kate…it's too late…"

"NO!"

He squeezed her wrist, forcing her to look at him. "I love you. I-I've l-loved you all my life. D-don't let my sacrifice be for nothing. You need to go back… you need to live. F-for me, Kate, please live."

Anders felt his body grow weak as the coldness from his limps moved toward his core. His body began to tremble just before everything faded to black.

**xxXxx**

Kate felt herself return to her body in a rush as air slammed into her lungs, forcing a gasp to escape her lips. She sat up straight, wide eyed and panting as she quickly took in the room. A female mage was standing beside her. Kate grabbed her hand and thrust the crystal with the cloth that had Anders' blood on it into her hands.

"A-anders… Anders used blood magic to bring me back, but he is now bleeding to death in the Fade. This fabric is soaked in his blood, please… please find him and save him."

The mage looked sympathetically at her. "If he used the ritual that I think he did, I won't reach him in time."

Kate rose to her knees and grasped both of the mage's wrists. "Please, I beg of you, please try."

The woman looked over at the man standing behind her. He gave a curt nod, "We have enough lyrium."

The woman quickly cast a spell on the crystal as he prepared the lyrium basin. Within minutes, the woman was touching the glistening liquid and disappearing into the Fade. Varric and Isabela were immediately at Kate's side.

The man walked over to her and smiled warmly. "Hello, you must be Kate. I'm Declan, and the woman that just entered the Fade is my wife, Shivon."

Kate smiled back at him. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm sorry I was so abrupt earlier."

"It's perfectly fine. Time is of the essence, so it's understandable. Do you mind if I examine you?"

She shook her head, "No, that would be fine."

Declan began examining her. He nodded his approval that she was fine as he drew his dagger and reached for her hand. He looked into her eyes and she nodded her consent. Declan quickly drew the blade across her palm.

"What the fuck?" Isabela exclaimed.

"If I had come through the Fade with an extra passenger, it would have reacted when physical harm was inflicted on its host," Kate calmly explained as Declan began to heal the wound.

"She is in perfect health and passenger free," Declan declared and at the proclamation, both Varric and Isabela leapt at her, pulling her into a tight embrace.

Kate couldn't help, but laugh. "Well, it's nice to see I was missed."

"You have no idea, Kitten. If I had to be subjected to one more wild tale where you saved the world on a flying nug, I swear I was going to slit my own wrists just to get some relief."

"A flying nug?" Kate said incredulously.

Varric rolled his eyes. "And here I thought I was the one with the wild imagination."

Over the next several hours, Isabela and Varric recounted their ordeal that had happened after her defeat of the Prince of Starkhaven, but Kate wasn't truly listening as she paced nervously around the room in the exact same pattern that Anders had done only hours before.

"Between you and Blondie, you're going to wear a path in the floor boards."

Kate looked at him questioningly. "Anders was walking that exact same pattern just before he went into the Fade after you."

She smiled and then continued her pacing. Varric got up, poured her a mug of ale and then handed it to her. "This might help take the edge off."

She took the mug from him and took a large gulp. "Thank you, Varric."

"Hawke…" Varric paused, unsure of how to continue, but the anguish in her eyes forced him to.

"Kate, I am not surprised that Anders would sacrifice himself for you. If you could have seen how distraught he had been while you were unconscious… he held you in his arms every night, reminiscing about your life together. He loved you, Kate. He would do anything for you and if that meant that he forfeited his life to save you, then he would do it willingly and gladly."

"I know this Varric. I watched him do that very thing. What is the point?"

"Kate… you need to accept that he might not make it back, but that he did this so that you could live. I know how hard…"

Varric stopped mid-sentence as the room began to glow. A moment later, Shivon reappeared in the room… alone.

The mage's expression was solemn as she stepped toward Kate. She crumbled to the floor, a wail of agony and grief tore from her throat. She clutched at her chest while pain tore through her chest. "NO! No, no, no…Anders, no!" She chanted, her sobs echoed throughout the room.

_Anders, why did you leave me? How… how am I supposed to go on? You were the source of my strength. You have always been there for me. How could you leave me all alone? _

Isabela fell on her knees beside Kate and pulled her into her arms. "It's going to be alright, Kitten. Somehow it's going to be alright."

Shivon knelt down before her and grasped her hands. "I'm so sorry, Kate. There was nothing I could do for him. By the time I reached him, he was already gone. He had this amulet clinched in his hand. I thought you might want it back."

Shivon handed her the Tevinter Chantry Amulet that she had given Anders all those years ago. She grasped the gold pendant as the tears began to flow freely again. "H-his body… what about his body?"

"I didn't want to leave his body there for a demon to possess. So I built a pyre and committed him back to the Maker."

"T-thank you."

"I am so sorry. I wish I could have done more,"

Isabela and Varric helped Kate onto her feet and lead her to the back bedroom that Anders had stayed in. Upon entering, they realized what a mistake that had been. When Kate saw his clothes strewed across the room, she immediately gathered a handful of them, held them up to her nose and breathed in deeply. New tears streamed down her cheeks as the scent of spices and magic inundated her senses. She curled onto the bed, clinging desperately to the fabric that was the only link she had to Anders.

Isabela sat down beside her and handed her a vial. "Declan said this will help you sleep."

Kate numbly took the potion from her, drank it and laid back down, wrapped herself in Anders clothes and drifted off to sleep.

_Kate stood in the meadow that only hours before, she had watched the only man she would ever love, kill himself to save her. She walked over to the spot where she had last seen him. The blood was gone. The grass was green and lush, without even an imprint of the man's body that had died there. She knelt down and ran her hand over the spot as Anders' words echoed in her head. "I love you. I've loved you all my life. Don't let my sacrifice be for nothing. You need to go back… you need to live. For me, Kate, please live."_

"_How? How am I supposed to live without you?"_

"_One day at a time."_

_Kate spun and saw Anders walking toward her. She jumped to her feet and raced to him. She leapt into his arms as her lips met his in a heated rush. His mouth moved against hers tenderly, yet with a slow burning desire. His tongue trailed along her lower lip before pressing inside. She met him, her tongue dancing over his before she dove into the heat of his mouth, hungrily devouring him. He swept inside her mouth, stroking, caressing, exploring as she got lost in him. _

_She knew this was the Fade, knew it wouldn't last, but she lost herself in him for what would probably be the last time. _

_Their lips parted and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She nuzzled her cheek against the scruff of his. "I want to stay here with you."_

_He feathered kisses across her cheek to her ear. "No, you can't stay here. This isn't where you belong. I'm here to say good-bye."_

"_NO! Please, Anders, don't go. I can somehow survive this if I know I can see and be with you here in the Fade."_

_He cupped her face and looked into her eyes. "That can't happen. You would never be able to move on and live your life because you would always be looking forward to coming here and not living out there in the real world. As much as I want to be with you, I could never do that to you." _

_Tears slid down her cheeks and he gently wiped them away with his thumb. "I love you, Kate. The last thing I ever wanted to do was leave you, but you must learn to live without me and when it's your time to make that final journey, I will be there to welcome you with open arms."_

"_I don't want to learn to live without you. You have been a part of me since I was eleven and now I feel… empty… hollow… as if a piece of me has been torn out."_

"_A part of me is still with you, Kate, and will always be with you."_

"_It isn't the same! Yes I know that I will have your memory with me always, but…"_

_Anders cut her off as he slid his hand down her side and across her belly. "Kate, a part of me is with you, growing inside of you. That is why, my Love, you must go on, you must fight through the pain and find a way to live once again, because our child is going to need their mother to be the strong, fierce, yet loving woman I know her to be."_

_Kate stared down at her stomach as she rested her hand on top of Anders' then lifted her head up and looked into his eyes. She smiled at him, "I'm carrying your child?"_

_Anders smiled warmly back at her. "Yes, you are carrying our child." _

_Anders fingers slid down to her neck, he pulled her toward him as his lips eagerly recaptured hers. She moaned as the taste of him swept over her tongue. He caressed her mouth in long deep strokes. Sweet. Warm. Delicious. _

_Her tongue fervently met his, boldly feeding her need for him. Hot. Wet. Urgent. They dueled and danced together, neither one backing down as the hunger grew and the electrical current raced through her body setting every nerve on fire. _

_Starved for air, she pulled away and moaned as his hand continued stroke her back. "Look at me," Anders rasped out. She tilted her head up to him. He traced the fullness of her lower lip with his thumb. "I want you so badly and I need to be with you one last time, Kat," he groaned as he dropped his head to hers. He claimed her lips once again and eventually claimed the rest of her. _

Kate woke with a jerk. The sun was shining through the window and she heard the birds chirping. She was still wrapped in Anders' clothes, but it was his scent that was still on her skin that saturated her senses. She smiled as the memory of their last time together flooded her mind. She would hold onto that last time with him. It would be her talisman that she would carry with her through the long years ahead, until she was reunited with him once again. That memory is what would enable her to keep the vow that she made to him just before she woke up.

"_I promise, Anders, your sacrifice will not be wasted. I'll find a way to live and to be the mother our child deserves." _

Kate gently rubbed her stomach and smiled. "It's just you and me now, Love."

She continued to stroke her belly silently, praying this child looked like their father. "Let me tell the story of how I met your daddy, little one. I was eleven and he was twelve when my father brought home this scruffy boy who was filthy and scrawny looking, but who had the warmest, kindest eyes I had ever seen…"

**xxXxx**

**Epilogue**

**The Fade – 30 years later**

Anders stood on the hillside, anxiously awaiting her arrival. Beside him was Malcolm, Leandra, Carver and Bethany. Years ago, when he had entered the Fade, his father, mother and brother had welcomed him. Sixteen years later they had met Bethany after she had received her Calling. Now the family waited for the last member to finally join them. Behind them stood a throng of people who were also here to welcome the woman that had saved their lives and in many instances had forever changed them.

A few days ago, on one of Anders' many visits to the Fade to see his son, Jackson, he was informed that Kate had become gravely ill. When Jackson adamantly tried to heal her, she had refused. She informed her son that it was her time, that she had accomplished all that she had hoped and much more.

Anders smiled and couldn't agree more. She had raised their son to be an upstanding, honorable man. Jackson was the best of both of them. He had amber blond hair and sapphire blue eyes. He was tall and muscular, but he had Kate's agility and grace. He had also inherited Kate's knack for finding trouble, but still managed to have Anders' easy manner. Jackson was also a very gifted mage, which was why it was easy for Anders to visit with him. Between Malcolm, himself and eventually Bethany in the Fade and Merrill in the real world, he was the best trained mage in Thedas.

After Kate had said her final good-byes to Anders, she had moved back to Ferelden where she once again settled in the little town of Lothering. Isabela had stayed by her side and had been her constant companion for the next thirty years; which Anders was extremely grateful for. He hated the thought of Kate being all by herself and lonely.

Varric had traveled to Ferelden with them, but once Kate had settled in, he headed back to Kirkwall where he took over the merchant's guild, and if the rumors were true, the Carta too. He continued to spread the legend of the Champion and all of her wild adventures, but he made sure none of the stories would ever lead anyone back to the true Champion.

Merrill had sought out Kate in Lothering. The elf had seemed so lost and vulnerable. Kate naturally took pity on her and offered her a place to stay as long as she completely stopped using blood magic. The elf agreed and in return, Merrill tutored Jackson in Dalish magic.

After the Mage-Templar War, mages were free to live how they wanted. Jackson had married a beautiful mage named Selena and they had given Kate and himself three precious grandchildren – Anders, Quinn and Sophie. He loved them all dearly, but he would only admit to himself that he had soft spot for Sophie, and it wasn't just because she was a mage. It was because she was Kate's twin in every way. From her doppelganger looks to her uncanny ability to use her looks to her advantage, to her fiery never back down attitude, to her ability to deflect tension with humor and wit. She was Kate, reincarnated. Jackson had his hands full with her, but Anders adored her.

Over the years, there had been a few times that he was actually able to meet Kate in the Fade. Those rare precious hours that they had spent together had been enough to sustain them both and give Kate the willpower and strength to continue the fight. As the years passed, Anders watched Kate gracefully age from the fiery gorgeous young woman of his youth into an elegantly beautiful older one, and his love for her only grew. Her raven black hair had become speckled with gray, her porcelain smooth skin had gained a few lines, her lightning reflexes had lost some of its edge, but to him, the very sight of her still took his breath away and the loss of her agility had been replaced by a grace that was astounding to watch. The one thing that had never changed was the sparkle that always danced in her eyes when she saw him. After all of these years, he still ached and longed for her, and now she was finally coming home.

He felt a hand rest on his shoulder, pulling him out of his thoughts. Malcolm pointed to a figure that had just appeared in the meadow. Anders raced toward her. As he drew near, he realized that she was his Kate from his youth; the young passionate girl that he had first made love to in Gwaren; the girl that had the zeal of an army and the kindness of an angel. This was his Kate before Ostagar, his Kate before pain, suffering and death had changed her forever.

She leapt into his arms, wrapped her legs around his waist and forcefully captured his lips. He held her tightly against him as she melted into him. He opened his mouth to her and devoured her like a man that had been stranded in the desert for days in desperate need of water. The taste of her was as intoxicating as he remembered, and it only made him want her more. He was eager to remember her touch, to remember her taste, and the feel of her heat enveloping him. The mere thought of it made him tremble with anticipation. She was home and she was once again in his arms were she belonged… never to be torn away from him again.

He remembered the audience that was behind them and he begrudgingly pulled away. She let out a slight moan as she lowered her legs to the ground. He turned her around and showed her the crowd that had gathered. Her eyes went wide.

"I was hoping for some alone time… just you and me," she muttered still in shock.

Anders grinned at her as he slid his arm around her waist and began to lead her over to the people that had assembled to see her. "Love, we have the rest of forever to be alone… just you and me."

She smiled that roguish grin of hers, "I like the sound of that."

**A/N – I know that Kate is the third Hawke that I have written that ends up pregnant. Although I love the idea of Anders as a dad, I really had no intention of knocking up Kate until the very end. She just seemed so lost and defeated. I felt I needed to give her a reason to live and to live well. **

***Thank you to all the faithful readers and reviewers of this story. I hope you enjoyed Anders and Kate story. I have appreciated your comments and reviews. You guys are wonderful!**

*******A huge shout out and be big hug to my Beta Goddess, Jinxy or working her magic on this chapter and all of her wise guidance throughout this story. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting up with my craziness and standing by me. You are the best and I am lucky to have you as a beta and more importantly as a friend. Thank you!**

***Last, but never least, I want to thank Bonkzy for being a guest beta on this chapter and stepping in for Jinx while she was on vacation. You had some big shoes to fill but you did a smashing job. Thanks!**


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